Reply
Super Contributor
Posts: 340
Registered: ‎06-15-2015

Re: Among Friends Grief Support Group

Thank you Sunshine 58 for recommending the book Experiencing Grief. I will try to pick it up at the local library. I lost my mom in June. Just when I think I am doing better, something will show up in the mail or I will have to deal with a doctor's or hospital bill and I will fall apart. Today I received a bulletin from Hospice about ways to cope during the holidays. I know everyone's experience with hospice care is different but I was not impressed. I think I will call on Monday and ask them to take me off their mailing list. School is out for a week and I am trying to come up with ways to fill my time. Staying busy seems to help me. I know with time the grief will lessen but some days it is all consuming. 

Thank you green-eyed lady for starting this thread. I believe it will be helpful to those that are grieving. 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 19,486
Registered: ‎03-16-2010

Re: Among Friends Grief Support Group


@Greeneyedlady21 wrote:

@september wrote:

@Greeneyedlady21  Thank you for starting this group.  I’ll try to take part when I can.

 

my husband passed away last week, after a long illness.  I’m a bit overwhelmed at the moment.  Have gotten the newspaper obits placed, and there is an online memorial website.  Still trying to notify people...

 

I don’t know what I’m going to do each day, until the day hits.  Taking it day by day.  


I'm so sorry @september. All I can still do is take it day by day. My only advice, because I don't like advice for anyone who is grieving...it's a completely personal thing, is to not let anyone tell you how you should deal with your loss. That's for you to decide. I had people talking about "getting over" it shortly after my Mom died. People will behave in such hurtful ways, intentional or not. It's so hard to cope with that on top of grief. I'm getting professional help with all of it. That's a personal choice too.

 

Hugs to you 

.


@Greeneyedlady21

 

You are so right!  A couple of weeks after my husband passed, I was confiding in my best friend.  I told her that I hadn’t been able to bring myself to wash the clothes in his hamper because once those were clean, nothing was ever going to have his scent on it again.  She was horrified and told me I’d better wash everything immediately or it would get moldy.  I was very hurt, even though she is my best friend.  Later that same day she called and apologized, saying that was none of her business and she shouldn’t have said that.

 

It still hurt, but I didn’t wash his clothes until I was ready.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 15,627
Registered: ‎01-06-2015

Re: Among Friends Grief Support Group

@texassunflower When my Mom was first in hospice at home last October I ended up switching hospices in January. Had many issues with the first hospice, the social worker who was supposed to be helping me was absolutely dreadful. Instance of completely unprofessional behavior  that I told the director about when I dropped them. Should have told her as soon as it happened. A hospice is only as good as the people working there.

 

Before the cancer my Mom had a chronic illness for two and a half years. She had one year, 2016, in which she was doing better. In 2015 we had a home health aide for about five months a couple days a week. She eventually moved to Florida. I called her when we found out about the cancer and she told me that hospice is not what it used to be. I eventually found out how right she was about that.

 

They're supposed to support loved ones after the death. For me it hasn't been enough at all, and always initiated by me. Bottom line is, they're not making money off me. I know how cynical that is, but being a caregiver all that time was a real dose of reality about the medical field. 

"You call him The Edge, I just call him The"
Honored Contributor
Posts: 14,658
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Among Friends Grief Support Group

@Nugbucker-

I just wanted to let you know that for my me and my children, the loss of our first dog was, we all agreed, the hardest one we have ever gone through, more than any human loss in our family. Because he was our best most unconditionally loving friend and treasure. He was there for all of us always and got us through life and death things as well. But most of all the joy and comfort he brought to all of us every single day.

Just wanted to let you know, I understandSmiley Happy

And though it may sound totally strange to those who haven't had a pet like that, I know many of us do understand.

Hugs to youSmiley Happy 

"If you walk the footsteps of a stranger, you'll learn things you never knew. Can you sing with all the voices of the mountains? can you paint with all the colors of the wind?"
Valued Contributor
Posts: 612
Registered: ‎12-03-2010

Re: Among Friends Grief Support Group

I want to add how I coped with the loss of my mother and my sister, as both devastated me.  I bought two different large glass containers. I found small items and flameless candles that reminded me of each of them. I put sand in each, dropped in the small items, and placed the candle on top.  The candles come on each night and give me peace when I walk past them. The candles flicker like heartbeats to me. I did this six years ago. 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 9,592
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Among Friends Grief Support Group

Thanks to all who expressed kind wishes to me about the loss of my husband.   I never realized how busy I’d be after his death.  I had prearranged for a lot...but there is still more to do every day.  So that’s why I said last night, that I’d try to be here when I can.  Maybe I’ll have more time in a few weeks...I just don’t know.  

 

I want to express my condolences to all who’ve lost a parent.  I don’t even know what that’s like.   I still have both of mine.  I even mentioned this to my daughter, just after my husband passed.  She lost her dad....   my heart breaks for her.  

 

If if there is something to look forward to...that helps.  Both kids and grandchildren will be here next week for Thanksgiving. 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 15,627
Registered: ‎01-06-2015

Re: Among Friends Grief Support Group

I went to a grief support group meeting yesterday morning. There were only a few people there so I felt more comfortable speaking. You didn't even have to if you didn't want to, which I liked.

 

It helped to be with people who don't say trite and dismissive things or hurtful things like telling you to get over and move on. I refuse to grieve on anyone else's timetable. I would never do that to someone else, so I just don't get it. Such a judgmental world.

"You call him The Edge, I just call him The"
Honored Contributor
Posts: 33,048
Registered: ‎05-17-2010

Re: Among Friends Grief Support Group


@Greeneyedlady21 wrote:

I thought I would start this for anyone who is interested. I would like it to be a kind non judgmental place where people can talk about whatever they want about grief in their lives.

 

It's the hardest thing I've ever been through. Every day it is. People don't know what to say, but all I would like for them to do is listen. Offer some kind words, or just a hug.

 


@Greeneyedlady21  This is a much needed place for all of us now or some time in the future. Is there a way for it to be a separate forum so it can be more easily found? 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 33,048
Registered: ‎05-17-2010

Re: Among Friends Grief Support Group


@september wrote:

@Greeneyedlady21  Thank you for starting this group.  I’ll try to take part when I can.

 

my husband passed away last week, after a long illness.  I’m a bit overwhelmed at the moment.  Have gotten the newspaper obits placed, and there is an online memorial website.  Still trying to notify people...

 

I don’t know what I’m going to do each day, until the day hits.  Taking it day by day.  


 

 

@september. So sorry for your loss. 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 33,048
Registered: ‎05-17-2010

Re: Among Friends Grief Support Group


@KLm wrote:

I want to add how I coped with the loss of my mother and my sister, as both devastated me.  I bought two different large glass containers. I found small items and flameless candles that reminded me of each of them. I put sand in each, dropped in the small items, and placed the candle on top.  The candles come on each night and give me peace when I walk past them. The candles flicker like heartbeats to me. I did this six years ago. 


 

 

@KLm❤️