Am I too hard hearted?

spumoni99 · ‎02-16-2019

So today we went shopping to Sam's club and while I was finishing loading the groceries in the car hubby had run the cart back to the cart corral and I was putting the cold items into a cooler a women came up and asked me for money, well actually she started saying how she need insulin for her son. I know most of you will probably agree with me but my husband said lots of people are hurting now, I think because she was a woman and older he felt bad for her I am 61 and she looked older than me but I am not a good judge of age.

When we were driving away I told him the insulin story and then he said yeah that sounds kind of sketchy but neither one of us had any cash on us he said if he had he would have given her a few dollars. I have donated to a few go fund me's lately of people I know that really are truly in need, I am more comfortable with that. A friends 20 year old son has a rare cancer and a mother of 3 lost her bread winner husband in his 40's. I just felt like she was well dressed and you always hear about those scams.

I just keep thinking about it and wondering if she really was in need but I had a not good feeling about her anyway I didnt have cash, now if she told me she was hungry I would have gladly given her some of the groceries I just bought.

RedTop · ‎09-01-2010

I do not think you are hard hearted; I never give money to those who approach me. The way to appeal to soft hearted people is to ask for money on behalf of a child's health need.

KathyM23 · ‎11-20-2010

I have given money to panhandlers. I just use my intuition about who I want to give to. I have seen young men who look like they should be able to work and I don't give it them. I want to tell them there are plenty of jobs they could get. Probably they can't pass the drug test maybe. Anyway I am sure I have given money to some who is just going to use it for alcohol or drugs, but I guess I think whatever gets you thru the night. But I look at some and think I have a warm home to go back to and plenty of food to eat and I give to those my heart tells me to. There is one older man I see who has a white dog with him. I always give to him. He is a Vietnam vet and I know has some help but I am sure it is not enough.

@spumoni99 I wouldn't believe the insulin story either, but I may have given her money - like I said it just depends on how they strike me.

SurferWife · ‎12-12-2010

So many of those people are frauds. Don't let it bother you because you didn't give her anything. What's more surprising to me is neither your nor your husband had ANY cash on you? You should have some on you in case of an emergency.

Time is just a drop in the bucket compared to eternity. It isn’t how long you live that matters; it is how well you are prepared to die. ~~Colonel Robert B. Thieme, Jr.

gidgetgh · ‎03-09-2010

Well, I certainly don't think that makes you cold hearted, but I probably would have gone back in Sam's and spoken with the manager and asked if he/she was aware that she was out there. Not from the remove her from the property standpoint, but maybe the manager would be familiar and might know some info.

I always have cash with me and more than likely would have given her a nominal amount. I don't think it's up to me to try to analyze the situation. On the chance she really is hurting, you can never err by being too kind.

Why is it, when I have a 50/50 guess at something, I'm always 100% wrong?

Jordan2 · ‎03-16-2010

I'm not sure I would have given her money either, who knows if she was being truthful or not (although I would think some people would be embarrassed to beg for money). I like to donate to charities I'm familiar with.

justashopper · ‎03-21-2010

I don't think you are hard hearted.

It's hard to know who you can give to and who you can't. You didn't have any cash anyway. As most people don't these days. It can be hard to know how to react in the moment.

Don't beat yourself up. Maybe the weird vibe you got was right.

on the bay · ‎03-09-2010

No, I don't think you are hard hearted. It is natural to be skeptical especially with all the people who are not ligitimately in need out there. I think like you, and I'm sure many of us, go on instinct and for me nowadays, also my own safety. More recently I don't open my window anymore to give money. In our city people just randomly shoot someone if they are angry about something, or try to take your car. Scary but true.

Sometimes we get it wrong and sometimes we get it right.

"If you walk the footsteps of a stranger, you'll learn things you never knew. Can you sing with all the voices of the mountains? can you paint with all the colors of the wind?"

spumoni99 · ‎02-16-2019

@SurferWife wrote:
So many of those people are frauds. Don't let it bother you because you didn't give her anything. What's more surprising to me is neither your nor your husband had ANY cash on you? You should have some on you in case of an emergency.

Yes your right, I usually get extra cash when I go to the ATM before a hair appt but I have been lazy and havent gone since November. My husband was always the guy with a pocket full of cash but now we hardly go anywhere and he deposits any checks we may get over his phone so we just dont get to the bank much. I usually like to have cash to help out with the tooth fairy for my grandkids if nothing else!

This reminded me I have been watching "Dead to me" and she went to write an 18 year old a check and the teenager said "what are you drawing" lol I got a kick out of that!

Kachina624 · ‎03-10-2010

My last experience like that was when I was loading groceries into my car and a seedy looking man with a couple of kids in truck, stopped and he asked if I had money so he could get some gas. If I'd had a a fortune in my purse, there's no way I would have gotten within an arm's length of his truck. He could have grabbed me, my purse, my jewelry or anything he wanted. I never carry a handbag when I shop for that reason. They are crime magnets.

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