Am I the only one who does not have a loving famil... - Page 7

RedTop · ‎09-01-2010

My husband and I are blessed to have loving families, and great kids.

46 years ago after we married, we fell into complying with what our mothers wanted us to do on Christmas. My mother wanted us in the a.m., for brunch, and his mother wanted us at 4 p.m. for the evening hours. Even after our daughters were born and I returned to work a 11-7 job in a hospital, we were still expected to be at both places on December 25th. I often shortened my time with my family, to go home and go to bed in order to work again that night. My husband took the girls to his parents. My parents who lived across the road were more flexible to what worked best for us, but my MIL would not budge on changing anything regarding time at her house. My husband locked horns with her several times over it, which got ugly, but she wouldn't accommodate the changes we suggested, even tho the teenage grandchildren often refused to attend Grandma's command performances in latter years. We were locked into that 4 p.m. time frame from 1974 until she died in 2011.

2011 was the last Christmas we gathered with my husbands family. Shortly after that my Moms anxiety stopped the gatherings at her house. My girls were in their 30's before we were ever able to celebrate Christmas in our home, our way! I hate that! All of our family are nearby; within 10 miles of us, and I finally put it out there that we can celebrate together before, or after, and let everyone have Christmas Day in their own home!

My family of 4 are really not into extended family dinners and gatherings. We prefer a quiet day in our pajamas, eating and relaxing together.

chiclet · ‎03-19-2010

I really appreciate all the responses. Now I know I am not alone in this. My husband and I have three dogs which we love so much. I lost my mom at 39 but she did not raise me. Grandparents did and lost them when I was in my 30s. I had such close friends that I thought would last forever but it did not. They move, get married, die....I lost my only sister that I knew in January from cancer. Life is tough but for the most part I could keep busy and occupied so I don't think about what is ahead. This covid virus keeping us older folks more isolated and the holidays coming does not help. I thank you all for responding and showing concern for someone you don't even know. Love and health to you all....

Skyegirl21 · ‎03-20-2010

Do you want friends? We can't change family members who don't care about others... I have a twin sister who only cares about herself, so I get that-

No offense meant, But Why haven't you found, and chosen friends who care about you over the years of your life? It takes effort to have and maintain friendships- If you make an effort with others, you will find friends who care. But during Covid times, it's not the time to begin! Admittedly it gets harder to find friends as we age... Suggest Join a hobby group, walking group or religious group, meet people and make an effort if you want friends.

RealtyGal2 · ‎01-05-2017

@chiclet wrote:
My husband and I feel sometimes like we are the only ones who do not have loving children and grandchildren to spend the holidays with ( I am talking about non covid times). We have children (not with each other) and they could care less about us. I never hear from them unless I contact them. I have had friends through the years but either we lost touch by moving or got different jobs etc etc and maybe we email occasionally or meet sometimes for lunch. We always feel so lonely and think all we have is each other which is actually true. When one of us goes we cannot count on anyone for help or support. I just wonder if we are the only ones. It seems that way...it seems everyone has family to love them. When I was young I never thought I would wind up like this. Holidays always emphasize it.

My Mother is 98 and in an Assisted Living place. She is the one who always gathered the family together and now she can't because of COVID. My brother is married and has 3 children, but she is very selfish with my nieces and likes to keep her family separate. I am single so I am always alone. Be grateful that you have a husband. My Mother belongs to a group called PEO and is always trying to get me to join because they are always there for their members in times of illness or when help is needed. I am seriously considering joining. I am sure they have a chapter where you live.

Snoopp · ‎02-02-2015

Covid is making everything a lot worse.

Everything is different when your spouse is gone too.

withaK · ‎01-28-2016

Exactly !!! Hallmark and Lifetime channels foist upon us an unrealistic picture of what holidays are supposed to look like and what the experience should be...well..people, their stuff, weather, illness etc get in the way....I remember how many holidays my late mil said that "were all ruined !!!" by me bc I did not do something or did something that "disappointed" her....Irony ? She died two days after Thanksgiving and before Christmas...double "ruining" holidays !!! lol....Because I am a horrible girl I chuckled a bit at the funeral home when we made her arrangements. It was decked out for the holidays...lots of poinsettias, and holly.....sorry for going off topic....

I had alot of friends growing up ....they became mothers and their lives took them in different directions. I see on FB all the things they were up to and I felt very left out.....but I looked to fill my life with other things....My in-laws were ill and needed me so thats what I did....I went back to school, made new friends........and try to stay far from the drama that some people bring.

We are going to be OK kids...we are Its a difficult patch that we will get thru. Everything is amped up with the holidays.....Stay well...Kx

DAD · ‎06-27-2010

We are in you situation. My parents went into a nursing home in late summer. We always did Christmas for them as they are 97 years old. I'm an only child. Our children usually see us after Christmas, but it's not the same. My husband lost ond sister in March. He couldn't travel due to Covid. His other sister has cancer & it's aggressive. I hope at least he can fly to see her before it's too late! I tore my meniscus in my left leg so by the time it heals I will not bother to decorate. I'm having other health issues too! Our Gradchildren don't pay any attention to us. They go to my daughter's ex husbands family all the time. They get anything they want from them. I don't buy love! So I have no idea what will happen when one of us passes on. We did get ourselves a Christmas present last year A brother & sister Shih Tzu puppies that we 10 weeks old. We love them so much!

furbabylover · ‎08-24-2011

@suzyQ3 I have to strongly disagree with the idea that human relations have pretty much been the same throughout history. Yes, of course there are still families that are close and function as a unit, but clearly there is an epidemic of broken families in this country. This decline has been going on for decades and it reflects the decision by many to lower the family to a lesser priority. We can blame busier times, high tech, etc., but the fact remains that we have chosen these other things, other priorities, over our family. It speaks to the fact that our values have shifted dramatically away from elder respect, joy in family support, need for family gatherings and family loyalty. Just look at the number of people on this forum expressing their pain at these losses. Look at the truly pathetic TV shows exploiting these truths in the form of weekly series documenting the endless dysfunction of families. In polling my friends in Europe, the Middle East and Asia, I can assure you that the family remains paramount in their cultures. I respect your right to your opinion on this subject. For me, it represents an American cultural crisis.

suzyQ3 · ‎03-09-2010

@furbabylover wrote:
@suzyQ3 I have to strongly disagree with the idea that human relations have pretty much been the same throughout history. Yes, of course there are still families that are close and function as a unit, but clearly there is an epidemic of broken families in this country. This decline has been going on for decades and it reflects the decision by many to lower the family to a lesser priority. We can blame busier times, high tech, etc., but the fact remains that we have chosen these other things, other priorities, over our family. It speaks to the fact that our values have shifted dramatically away from elder respect, joy in family support, need for family gatherings and family loyalty. Just look at the number of people on this forum expressing their pain at these losses. Look at the truly pathetic TV shows exploiting these truths in the form of weekly series documenting the endless dysfunction of families. In polling my friends in Europe, the Middle East and Asia, I can assure you that the family remains paramount in their cultures. I respect your right to your opinion on this subject. For me, it represents an American cultural crisis.

I do understand your point, @furbabylover. We can agree to disagree. :-)

~Who in the world am I? Ah, that's the great puzzle~ Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland

proudlyfromNJ · ‎05-01-2010

@furbabylover wrote:
@suzyQ3 I have to strongly disagree with the idea that human relations have pretty much been the same throughout history. Yes, of course there are still families that are close and function as a unit, but clearly there is an epidemic of broken families in this country. This decline has been going on for decades and it reflects the decision by many to lower the family to a lesser priority. We can blame busier times, high tech, etc., but the fact remains that we have chosen these other things, other priorities, over our family. It speaks to the fact that our values have shifted dramatically away from elder respect, joy in family support, need for family gatherings and family loyalty. Just look at the number of people on this forum expressing their pain at these losses. Look at the truly pathetic TV shows exploiting these truths in the form of weekly series documenting the endless dysfunction of families. In polling my friends in Europe, the Middle East and Asia, I can assure you that the family remains paramount in their cultures. I respect your right to your opinion on this subject. For me, it represents an American cultural crisis.

@furbabylover I just have to say I don't know any of the type of families you describe. I'm sure there are as it sounds like you know some. The families I know are extremely close. Oh, and I also polled my family in Australia and they agree with me that their family here and over there are all close.