Re: Am I the only one who does not have a loving f... - Page 5

gidgetgh · ‎03-09-2010

@Miss Pepsi wrote:
Hubby and I didn't have a lot of friends. WE have a daughter and her husband. We have sibling all in another state all but 1 completely estranged which is fine, whatever.

My husband passed away 2 months ago so I am ot feeling Christmas. The isolation is unbearable.

While he and I always looked forward to Christmas together (our favorite time of the year) this year because of him not being here. With COVID I cannot even go out and see people.

No you are not alone.

@Miss Pepsi - yes, the isolation is unbearable.

Why is it, when I have a 50/50 guess at something, I'm always 100% wrong?

gidgetgh · ‎03-09-2010

@Miss Pepsi wrote:
@Group 5 minus 1 wrote:
If you feel this way then you MUST prepare for your future. See an attorney. Get your wills in place. Talk about what will happen when one of you goes and the other is alone. I know this is hard to do,but.......for your own peace of mind it must be done.
Too late for me, my husband died unexpectedly 60 days ago. Financially I will be fine but the lonliness is excruciating. I miss him every second of every minute of every hour of every day. I just don't think there is any way to prepare for that,

In the Days of COVID it's not like I can just go out and be with people as that too scares me to death. We had a wonderful marriage for 40 years and I just really miss him.

Families UGH, they reveal their true colors, some as early as the minute they were notified. It is what it is but I would be lying if I said it didn't hurt. I am however humbled by the kindness of others, some of whom I have never met in person.

@Miss Pepsi - as I've mentioned many times here, I lost my husband in July.

As you said the loneliness is excruciating. When people ask me how bad my grief is, I usually use the word "brutal". It is absolutely brutal, at times.

And I agree with you that Covid just further enhances that. Not everyone feels comfortable with business as usual during these Covid times, so the isolation and loneliness are even worse,

And I've been surprised at the reaction of friends. Some have been steadfast in their friendship with and support of me and I am so grateful for it. Others who I thought were close friends??? MIA and that hurts a lot.

To be completely frank, the thought of Thanksgiving and Christmas this year makes me want to throw up. The thought of yet more holidays is just too much.

Anyway, I support you in your journey of grief. Feel free to reach out any time.

Why is it, when I have a 50/50 guess at something, I'm always 100% wrong?

libbyannE · ‎10-27-2010

I'm sorry you feel that way. My husband and I are pretty much alone in the world, although I am blessed that my 95-year-old mother is still on the planet for now. I never feel bad about this, although I miss loved ones who have passed. I am simply, truly, joyfully grateful that my husband of 46 years is still here, that we are healthy, and that we are still best friends and make each other laugh, as do our cats! And I am soooooooo grateful for the love I have had all my life from so many wonderful people. I honestly feel love coming at me from "the other side" where so many loved ones now live.

chiclets · ‎07-01-2012

Sadly you are not alone in feeling as you do.

The sense and knowing you are alone is sometimes difficult to face but face it we must.

Having gratitude for a good day is a gift. And gratitude for a bad day is also good because you got through it.

Sometimes a smile from a stranger makes the biggest gift of a day.

I doubt many of us never thought we end up feeling and being alone, especially those of us who had huge families growing up.

This is one of the reasons these boards are so important. Reaching out and reading and discussing anything with people is healthy. Besides, it is a darn good way to make friends, and a friend in any form is a gift, and you spend time not alone but with invisible friends!

Blessings and Faith

Luvtuna · ‎04-21-2015

Hearts to all (my iPad refuses to do hearts). What wonderful people there are on this forum. I can't add anything to the good advice already given. My parents as well as my sister and brother are gone. My son recently went through a divorce and is living with us .To me my sister was the heart of the family. She hosted most get- togethers and her husband was like a brother to me. Holidays are lonely without them. Hugs to all. You can tell these people really have empathy.

silkyk · ‎03-03-2011

Thank you to all of you who have opened your hearts and shared feelings and losses here. You are not alone...lots of company in the same boat unfortunately. I'm comforted knowing I'm not the only one trying to do that one day at a time thing. Harder than it sounds especially in the times we are living in. Reading here helps. Cheers to all.

SeaMaiden · ‎03-10-2010

@chiclet I have a bit of a different family situation. No contact with two living sisters who only live 45 minutes away on the freeway. DH and I had no children. My DH has a brother who lives in SanDiego , CA......really no "relationship " at this point. They talk occasionally, but nothing more.

So really we have no close family at all. It is just us. I suppose when we die, we will have our money and assets go to a charity or such. It will make someone happy! No worry about family fighting over anything. I grew up with distant family relations and was a child of divorce....so it is not anything I have regrets about. It is all I know.

I am so sorry to hear of those here who lost their Spouses....sending ((hugs)) to you and to all who shared their own feelings of aloneness. This was a touching thread❤️

Jackyl · ‎10-15-2010

No, I think you are far from alone. It's me and my husband too. We don't have kids, together. His daughter tried to extort money out of him, so that says it all and his son got offended who knows why, we can only guess. I don't even spend Christmas with my brother anymore. He stole a lot of money from me after my father died. Trust me, you're not the only ones who deal with this.

SeaMaiden · ‎03-10-2010

@Jackyl wrote:
No, I think you are far from alone. It's me and my husband too. We don't have kids, together. His daughter tried to extort money out of him, so that says it all and his son got offended who knows why, we can only guess. I don't even spend Christmas with my brother anymore. He stole a lot of money from me after my father died. Trust me, you're not the only ones who deal with this.

@Jackyl ❤️

chickenbutt · ‎03-09-2010

You're not alone. I don't really have family. I didn't grow up with any kind of familial bond situation. There wasn't love. I never felt safe. Abuse of every kind. I'm only in (somewhat) contact with my father who lives across the country.

The mother thing is still out there, AFAIK, and i have three siblings. I haven't seen or spoken to any of them for 20+ years. Two of them I really do like. They were good kids and grew up to be good adults. The other sib was a waste of space from the beginning. The three of us were good kids because we were so terrified. Too bad the one bad seed would never admit to the things he did so we all got punished regularly.

That's not me whining. That's just me explaining the background that brought me to a point where I went out into the world and had no idea how to be. All I knew was fear and beatings, and the other abuses. I honestly don't know how to be a part of a family, as a result and I have made my share of mistakes as a consequence.

I have a very small number of friends. None of them live anywhere near me but that's ok. I go for quality over quantity, anyway. I am really not at all clingy or needy because I probably do better by myself, truth be told.

I've had a couple of friends from here who ghosted me many years ago and I never have known why. I wish people would tell you if you said or did something to upset/hurt/offend them because I'm quite sure that if I did it was absolutely not intentional. But you never get to have a say, so it's really a drag.

But I've also made a couple of friends here who I cherish greatly.

I'm pretty much a loner now. Humans just aren't my favorite animal.

I'm sorry you are having to deal with this and I wish it were better for you. I'm sorry your kidlets are not being there for you. I hope you are able to get past it, as some point, and enjoy your life w/your husband. I never had kids. I actually didn't even get to have that choice, as the mother thing took care of that. It's just as well because, due to my childhood, I am just way too damaged and would have done a horrible job of it. I have my animal babies who I love very much and that's enough for me.