Work to your strengths. When my Aunt died last November, she had already picked a realtor (a husband/wife team) to sell her house. She was a Virginia resident. Since she was being buried at Arlington, we decided to wait until after the funeral to sell her house so other family members could stay there for the funeral. My cousin (a Maryland resident) and I (a Virginia resident) are co-executors and we have different personalities. I tend to be more goal-oriented while he's more deliberative. Despite that, we've settled into a "system" that works for us. I live one town over from my Aunt's house, but it can take my cousin at least 2 hours to get there from his home in Maryland, so I handle most of the routine tasks, pulling him in for the more critical tasks like setting up estate accounts, signing contracts, etc.
Vent to a good friend. One or both of you are going to get on the other's last nerve during the process. It's been very helpful for me to vent to an impartial friend (notice that I didn't say "husband"), especially when we were running up against County deadlines. I've been able to let off steam without damaging my relationship with my cousin.
Let others help. One of the more onerous tasks we had to do for the estate was completing an inventory of her possessions (personal and financial) for the County. While family members were there for the funeral, I copied inventory pages from the master and labeled one for each room in the house. Everyone took a page/room and completed it. Once they finished a room, they got another one, until we'd completed a sheet for every room. This took us about an hour, but it would've taken me the better part of a day at a minimum. I found a Salvation Army guide for setting the value of donations online and used it to assign a value to the items in the inventory. Also, I had pads of Post-it Notes and markers that we used to label furniture that they wanted from the house while they were there.
Take advantage of your realtor's contacts. The realtors my Aunt chose were concierge realtors. While their commission wasn't any higher than other realtors, they had a list of proven companies/workmen that they'd used over the years to get houses ready to list. In addition to scheduling the work, they were at the house to meet the workers, ordered and picked up appliances, fixtures, etc. and generally made the process go smoothly. They each had extended cab pickup trucks that really came in handy when we were taking bags of clothing and other items to the thrift shop. I don't know what we would have done without them.
Make a plan. After the family members returned home, my cousin and I met with the realtors to discuss our plan for selling the house. The house was in very good condition, but hadn't been refreshed in years. We set a date for having the house in "empty box" condition. This gave us a deadline to meet and also allowed the realtors to get on the painter's and other workmen's schedules. It also led to the listing date. Although we gave tons of items to family, friends and her church's thrift store, we had some furniture left over because we couldn't find charities that would come into the house to pick them up. Our realtor found a junk removal company that would take anything that could be used by those less fortunate to Goodwill or the Salvation Army.
Very little is carved in stone. Even though I'm goal oriented, I've kept some items that remind me of my Aunt. If either of you can't part with something for sentimental reasons, that person should take it home with them. They'll either find a place for it in their home or realize that they should donate it. As another poster mentioned, take a picture to preserve the memory if you're going to donate something.
Being the executor of an estate is very stressful, especially if you're still working. Try to set aside some time to decompress. Good luck!
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