Among Friends

[Thrive]

My father passed away December of last year.  He had a female friend for a year or so prior to his illness. As a result of them becoming close, he shared a lot of information with her.  She shared that information with me over the phone recently and said that it was information that should not be shared with my husband or my sister's husband.  One thing that she stated to me was that my dad told her that I more than likely still had the inheritance that my mother left me.  However, my sister probably spent all of hers.  She told me some other sensitive information that my dad had already shared with my sister and I. She said that she was not going to share it with any of the other family members on my dad's side.  She said that it would be kept secret.  The reason why I am asking for advice is because I don't think she should have made that statement about my sister to me.  I don't think it is any of her business and she didn't need to share it with me.

                  She is a very emotionally needy kind of person.  As a result, my sister invited her for Thanksgiving dinner and I invited her for Christmas dinner.  Obviously she was close to my father.  However, I don't feel that she is close enough to me or my sister to have that kind  of conversation.  I also feel that her suggestion about not sharing the information with our husbands is strange.  In fact, my husband and dad were close and my husband is already aware of the information she shared.  What do you think?  I am starting to feel uncomfortable with her.  She asked me to call her once a month to stay in touch.  I didn't share my feeling with my sister.  However, my husband said that he thought it was out of place and he was the one who wanted me to invite her for Christmas dinner.  Should I keep my distance?

[KarenQVC]

What she says makes no difference in reality.  Just regard it as hearsay--but it is not good hearsay.  None of her business and starting trouble.

[Thrive]

Thank you !

[Krimpette]

I think it's wrong of a stranger (yes, I'm saying "stranger", since the relationship was relatively short), to tell you not to say anything to your husband, etc.  She's not family.  I'd probably ignore that part of her conversation with you (unless you distinctly promised to honor her dictate).  I'd probably be inclined to limit contact with, and would ignore the requests for monthly contact.  Just based on the info you described, she sounds like a busybody/trouble-maker to me.  JMHO.

[RetRN]

I would have no contact with her. Stay clear of trouble.

[cherry]

It's none of her business what your sister does with her own money.  Remember ,a dog that will pick up a bone, will also carry one.

Watch out for her, she is a trouble  maker

[QVCkitty1]

She sounds shady, she has no right to tell you who to share information with. jMO.

[Lilysmom]

@Thrive, I am sorry for your loss.  My advice is to be pleasant when and if you see her but not to go out of your way to associate with her.  

My experience with situations like this is that distance is best.  She was a very small part of your father's life and you have no obligation to maintain this contact especially if it can cause strife in your family.  She will get the message eventually.  Just don't seek her out and make no commitments when she seeks you out.  LM

[pattiewaddle]

I think your Dad  shared his thoughts with her as adults do with one another.Maybe he felt he could tell her things that he would rather not share with anyone else. In some ways I would be glad she  told you...This does not mean she is trying to cause trouble...I would keep this to my self and be aware of her actions and just wait and see what comes of it....Why cause anymore trouble and just be ware of  the information.....Maybe it was not wise  to share this information  but he did anyway. He must have felt he could trust her.There is a reason for you to know this  right now  for what ever is to come of it. Just wait and see what develops.......My Dad had a girlfriend and they were close so he told her alot of the family  problems needless to say I wasn't too happy either but as time went on I understood he needed someone to talk to understand his side of the problem.....Years have passed now and it really didn't change my life or how I felt about my Dad so this will pass as well.Stay close to your family.

[SXMGirl]

First, my condolences on the passing of your father.  It still must be difficult.

A relationship that lasts more than a year is not trivial, even though many of us have probably been married a long time and a year seems insignificant.   Your father's friend may consider you to be family and that might be misconstrued as needy.  She may have been telling you about your sister's situation so that you would be aware that your sister might be asking you for money and that she is not the best money manager.  Only you know that.

If your father thought so much of her, maybe you should keep that in mind.  Most family members talk, quite often too much, and tell people things that they ask to keep secret. 

My BIL (who lived 400 miles from us) passed several years ago and he had a SO for quite a few years.  My SIL took care of the money for them as well as doing errands for them since neither drove.  When my BIL passed, my SIL, being the good church-going person that she is, cut off all ties with the SO.  No matter what, my BIL loved her and that should have been respected.  Just of note, my SIL visits strangers in hospice care but could not offer the same kindness to this woman.

So, I would be kind to this woman, take what she says with a grain of salt, and keep most things that she says to you to yourself, like you would for anyone.