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Honored Contributor
Posts: 54,115
Registered: ‎03-29-2012

Advice RE a Funeral (Urgent)

Without going into too many details, I lost a student in a tragedy.

 

My principal emailed last night that there is a service today (calling hours).  In the email it mentions "friends and family" may call.

 

With everything going on and Covid, I don't know if I am reading too much into this "friends and family."

 

As a teacher, should I go since I am neither a friend or family member?  Or do you think they are trying to discourage the "lookie-loos" and other random people because they need to keep the numbers down to just people who are familiar?

 

Thank you for weighing in.

 

It is this morning.

Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,195
Registered: ‎03-12-2010

Re: Advice RE a Funeral (Urgent)

I think you should go.  You are a caring teacher and the family will appreciate your concern.  There also may be other students there who you can comfort. 

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,546
Registered: ‎06-10-2015

Re: Advice RE a Funeral (Urgent)

So very sorry to hear a a young person losing their life.

 

Nothing like hearing about it in the last minute.  If it were me, unless I had a close friendship with the student and/or parents I would not attend.  

 

I dont believe its a Covid thing, I think the parents dont or cant at this time deal with a huge crowd.

The only thing that stays the same is that everything changes.
Honored Contributor
Posts: 26,421
Registered: ‎05-17-2010

Re: Advice RE a Funeral (Urgent)

@lolakimono   I think given the cirumstances, I nice and personal note to the family would be greatly appreciated. I think the "friends and family" is to keep the number of people attending to a minimum. 

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,901
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Advice RE a Funeral (Urgent)

I think you should go. It would be good for the family to know his teacher cared so much.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,466
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Advice RE a Funeral (Urgent)

I think it is fine for you to attend.  Where I live, the friends and family may call is the wording used and not at all meant to deter anyone from attending.

 

But it may depend on any rules, regulations or restrictions that may be in place in your area due to the virus.

“People do, I don’t.”
Cosmo Kramer
Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,343
Registered: ‎07-18-2015

Re: Advice RE a Funeral (Urgent)

Yes, go. i think the family would be glad to see the child's teacher show up and that she cared so much.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 17,836
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Advice RE a Funeral (Urgent)

I'm like you, I have to wonder if that descriptor is being used for the exact reason that you suspect.

 

There are many people who read about a tragedy and even though they didn't know the person involved, feel compelled to attend and this may be what the family is trying to avoid.

 

If it were me, I would send a condolence card to the family, maybe including a few words about your student that the family would love to hear.

 

I'm so sorry for the loss of your student, teachers spend so much time and care mentoring their students, that it must feel like losing a foster child.

You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have.
Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,237
Registered: ‎03-29-2011

Re: Advice RE a Funeral (Urgent)

If the student were one I'd taught, I'd go. If not, I'd send a card/note to the family.
Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,315
Registered: ‎07-07-2010

Re: Advice RE a Funeral (Urgent)

@lolakimono  As a retired educator, my first inclination would be to attend the funeral.  It is unfortunate that the principal did not ask the family for clarification about faculty and staff attendance, especially since most families would appreciate those from school attending the funeral.  Friends and family can mean many things.  In the past when I have had a student pass away, I have attended the funeral.  However, I use the rule of when in doubt, don't.

The next time that I hear salt and ice together, it better be in a margarita!