Re: Advice RE a Funeral (Urgent)

RedTop · ‎09-01-2010

In my area of WV, friends and family is a generic term in obituaries.

If the family truly wants to limit attendance, the obituary will state that services will be private.

x Hedge · ‎08-18-2016

My first thought was yours was a professional relationship, and unless you also spent time with this student in a friendship outside the classroom, you shouldn't attend.

Send flowers. Write a heartfelt note to the family. But respect the parent's choice of limiting attendees to the students friends and family members.

lolakimono · ‎03-29-2012

UPDATE:

Thank you to all who offered advice.

I consulted with two teachers this a.m. and I decided to go. I got there early, there were not many people around.

It was just a two hour window, and only for today.

We were ushered into a different room, as the funeral home director mentioned that the family needed "a minute" to compose themselves.

It was for about 20 minutes that we signed the book and stood around. During that time, we could hear the most PRIMAL wailing from the mother, intense sobbing and screaming.

It was like someone had ripped out an internal organ, the grief was more profound than any other service I have attended.

When they called us back, she asked the friends to gather around and she had them form a group hug so that she could feel the love.

It was really heartbreaking.

I was the only person from my school who attended (in the first hour).

I left a card (and money) with the grandmother to pass onto the mom.

A lot of my student's friends were there, along with mom's co-workers and family.

JamandBread · ‎06-24-2021

@lolakimono wrote:
UPDATE:

Thank you to all who offered advice.

I consulted with two teachers this a.m. and I decided to go. I got there early, there were not many people around.

It was just a two hour window, and only for today.

We were ushered into a different room, as the funeral home director mentioned that the family needed "a minute" to compose themselves.

It was for about 20 minutes that we signed the book and stood around. During that time, we could hear the most PRIMAL wailing from the mother, intense sobbing and screaming.

It was like someone had ripped out an internal organ, the grief was more profound than any other service I have attended.

When they called us back, she asked the friends to gather around and she had them form a group hug so that she could feel the love.

It was really heartbreaking.

I was the only person from my school who attended (in the first hour).

I left a card (and money) with the grandmother to pass onto the mom.

A lot of my student's friends were there, along with mom's co-workers and family.

Oh goodness, my eyes are leaking. Thank you for doing what you did. I am so, so sorry.

KBEANS · ‎06-08-2020

@lolakimono

I didn't comment. It was your choice. I am glad you made the decision to go. The parents are devastated and the fact that you took the time and had the courage to attend will speak volumes. They will remember the faculty and staff that showed up forever. 💕

Bird mama · ‎03-12-2010

@lolakimono

I'm sending you a hug. You did a really, really good thing today

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nyc1 · ‎03-19-2010

@lolakimono that was so very kind of you to go. I had a feeling you would be. I sensed that you wanted to go to show your support but were not sure if you were intruding. Either decision would have been fine but I'm sure you were happy you make this choice and I'm sure they felt the support. SO VERY SAD. Sending YOU a HUG.

beach-mom · ‎03-09-2010

@lolakimono - I'm seeing this just now, but I'm glad you decided to go.

I lost a student in a car accident years ago about a month after we had started. There was no question. We all went to the actual funeral service. We saw the family after, but did not attend the lunch after. We had to get back. There were subs in, but a lot of students also went.

As I remember, his family was very appreciative that we took the time to be there. Of course we would. I had him in the morning, so I didn't have to look at an empty chair that day. I did the next, and it wasn't easy.

I enjoy reading your "school" posts, and they just show me more of what I already know. You are a caring person who will do anything to make things better for others. You were his caring teacher. Of course you would go see his family. I'm sure it meant a lot to his mom.

Drythe · ‎07-09-2011

@lolakimono

You are a kind and generous soul.

Having received a few such visits -

They mean so much, and are remembered with gratitude. 💙

"Animals are not my whole world, but they have made my world whole" ~ Roger Caras

KCDiva · ‎03-09-2010

@msgb wrote:
I think it would be nice if you were able to attend the service.

My mother just passed and her service was last week. There were people that I did not know but my siblings did know. (I am one of 7 siblings). Some who attended were the teachers to some of my nieces and nephews. This would be the grandchildren of my mother and their teachers attended the service.

The family is probably going thru a hard time and when others take the time to acknowledge the passing of their loved one it is appreciated.

@msgb My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family on the loss of your mother.