Honored Contributor
Posts: 37,831
Registered: ‎03-12-2010

Re: Advice RE a Funeral (Urgent)

@lolakimono   This is how I see it.  I would hope that at least one person (if not you, the principal) from the school would stop by for the visitation to offer sympathy.


I'm trying to figure out how to write this so be patient.


I've experienced expected and unexpected (tragic) losses.  When someone I love dies, I am acutely aware of how important they were in my life.  I know they added value to this world and that the world will be just a bit dimmer without them in it. Expressions of sympathy may not matter to me exactly at that time I don't deal well with goodbyes) however once I'm able to function again it's comforting to see just how much my loved one mattered to other people.


I lost a dear friend from work in 2016 and I can't believe it's been 5 years already.  She was 'beloved' (those are air quotes) to many in the company.  She passed after a long illness and her visitation and church service were going to be held around the 4th of July holiday.  The manager she worked with for years said she couldn't go.  Her supervisor said she couldn't go because you know I'm just so upset I can't handle it.


I was going to go to both as a heartbroken person who lost someone important in my life.  I didn't expect to also be put in the position of representing the company and eulogizing Ruth at her church.  Did I do it?  Oh yea I found the strength.  I could see her family (parents and her kids) smiling when I talked about how much Ruth meant to the organization and how loved she was. 


Here's my point.  The student mattered to more than just the family and I think having someone from the school say as much at the visitation will be a comfort (if not now, later) to the family.


Does this makes sense?

"The eyes of the future are looking back at us and they are praying for us to see beyond our own time"
Terry Tempest Williams
Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 5,568
Registered: ‎03-19-2014

Re: Advice RE a Funeral (Urgent)

While in school (high school especially), I had many teachers that I considered friends.....not BFFs, but friends nonetheless.  If this was a student that I had in class, I would definitely go.  

Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit, but Wisdom is knowing not to put it in a fruit salad.
- Author Unknown
Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,781
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: Advice RE a Funeral (Urgent)



I don't understand why you would think you shouldn't go.


If it was just someone in the school, that would be another subject but you had ties to this student.



Honored Contributor
Posts: 14,435
Registered: ‎10-25-2010

Re: Advice RE a Funeral (Urgent)

When you think about it, friends and family are the people who usually go to funeral services.


Normally, strangers don't show up.  I don't think it is worded to only include certain people.  What other type of wording would anyone use?


"Everyone is welcome to attend services for John at such and such a place" would be tacky.


If you want to attend, please go.  It is very Important for the family to know that the deceased had friends and people who care.


I just read a few local obits and most of them mentioned friends and family are invited to attend. This is certainty the usual way of doing things.


You are reading too much into it.

Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,052
Registered: ‎06-08-2011

Re: Advice RE a Funeral (Urgent)

In my area, that's standard in an obituary and yes, you're invited to attend.  Go and pay your respects.  The family will greatly appreciate it.  I'm a teacher and last year one of my former students lost her daughter in a tragic accident.  I hadn't seen my former student in years, but I wanted to show my respects to her and her family.  She was so appreciative I attended.  When we hugged, she sobbed in my arms and I felt like she was my young student all over again who just needed comfort and support.  When she was able to compose herself, she actually took me over to all her family members and introduced me to them.  She said, "This is Mrs. ____________ who I always talk about."  It made me feel good to be remembered that way, but more importantly, I hope I helped ease her pain a little bit. Your student's family will appreciate your presence more than you can realize.  Sadly, I've lost several former students and yes, the families always were grateful that I along with several of my colleagues paid our respects. 

Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,845
Registered: ‎06-03-2010

Re: Advice RE a Funeral (Urgent)

@lolakimono  I would go if I was a recent teacher to this student.  If a student from someone else's class or have not directly been involved with this person, I would send a card showing your support for their loved one.


That's a tough one - If only a few people show up, it might be heartbreaking to the parents to think that their child had so little friends and support, so maybe it's better to go.  You wouldn't have to speak with the family and make it more difficult for them during this awful time, just show your support in the background.

......You look like I need a drink.....
Valued Contributor
Posts: 987
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Advice RE a Funeral (Urgent)

If you want to be there and you feel that close to the deceased or the family, you should go. We just buried my mother last week. We had a visitation but I said I wanted a private interment. A couple of cousins, and aunt and a life long friend of my mother's asked it they could attend the burial. Absolutely!! I just didn't want to greet a lot of people that day. We had done that the night before and I knew we would be exhausted. I learned this from my father's funeral. I didn't mean no one but my sister and I could be there. It was small and it was beautiful. Go and show your love. They will appreciate it. I am sorry to hear of the loss of your friend. Honestly in some of these situations you are going through the motions and your choices or choice of words in an announcemnt may not seem clear. If you are unsure whether you should attend reach out to a family to ask. Prayers to you and the family. Heart

Valued Contributor
Posts: 557
Registered: ‎08-30-2010

Re: Advice RE a Funeral (Urgent)

[ Edited ]

I think it would be nice if you were able to attend the service.

My mother just passed and her service was last week. There were people that I did not know but my siblings did know. (I am one of 7 siblings). Some who attended were the teachers to some of my nieces and nephews. This would be the grandchildren of my mother and their teachers attended the service.


The family is probably going thru a hard time and when others take the time to acknowledge the passing of their loved one it is appreciated.


Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 5,524
Registered: ‎03-11-2010

Re: Advice RE a Funeral (Urgent)

If you are vaccinated, go.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 10,169
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Advice RE a Funeral (Urgent)

I agree with writing a note.