Among Friends

[occasionalrain]

We know, or should know, our parents and what appeals to them. We know if they like wine, their favorite author, puzzles... How hard can it be to give a gift that shows that?

[Sooner]

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@Snicks1 wrote:
Personally I have been trying, for years, to get my kids to stop buying me gifts for birthdays or Christmas. I've been downsizing for a while now and don't need more stuff. If I really something, I buy it (don't we all by this stage of our lives). I prefer just time spent together. My heart certainly would not ache for your friend, she sounds kind of shallow, sorry.

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@Snicks1 Tell them they will get money if they don't buy you a gift.  If they do buy you a gift they will get either a throw or underwear.    Should do the trick. 

[FancyPhillyshopper]

I am actually chuckling as I read some of these comments.

Personally I would never give my parents such a bland or cheap gift, but reading all of these notes reminds me I have to go out and buy a few Megamillions lottery tickets!

My mother asked that when I win and become a billionaire, could I please purchase for her the services of a lady's maid who could help her get dressed every day.

Sadly, I must say that if the son is a poor gift giver, the mother must share some blame, because she was the one who raised and trained him!!

[hkrgrl]

disclosure:  i did not read all the comments.  that being said:

you cannot compare a wedding gift to Christmas.

that was her idea to give so much and i hope her and husband can afford it. i would think with her being so generous, it was done with the thought of pure love and kindness.  not expecting the same reciprocated.  and how would the married know what they are receiving, unless it was discussed prior. 

honestly:  if they 'need' silverware etc and your friend thinks they cannot afford it, then why expect something of same value??? 

and if they are in their 40's, no previous marriages, and cannot afford silverware, well she better be prepared to continue to help them. which we would do if one or more of our children were in that degree of financial difficulty. 

if i were you, OP, stay out of it... seems there is more to this and you are in a no win situation.

[Cakers3]

@cuddlesmama  What Christmas gifts were exchanged before?

What you think they should do next year doesn't matter.  It's not your business.

The husband has the right attitude.

Another thread asking for a friend.🤔

[hkrgrl]

and i will add:  if  they gave  $1,000 as a wedding gift and did not contribute towards the cost of the wedding, then they got off easy!!  

Love me, Love my Dog

AdoptDon'tShop

[hkrgrl]

Short story:

my DD and went shopping and i saw this Living Room pillow that i really liked.  it was in the window and hard to reach, so we never found out the price. we guesstimated between $40-50.

When we exchanged gifts, she gave me the pillow!  it was so sweet and thoughtful of her!  that to me is was gift giving is all about 

she said: 'mom, there was no way i wasn't going back to buy it for you'... melted my heart

and i would not be offended to get lottery tickets especially right now - Mega Millions over a billion $$ 

[RescueLover]

❤️ what your daughter did for YOU !! @hkrgrl

[Lottapaws]

I am in the minority. I think the gift was tacky! Why not take your mom to lunch one day, just the two of them, and go Dutch if you can’t afford to buy mom’s lunch. Spending time with her is important! But scratch off tickets? That was a purchase at a convenience stor made on the way to the parents because all stores were closed. Chances are that the son has bought actual gifts in prior years. Otherwise, she wouldn’t have been surprised and so deeply hurt. Oh, and as for telling OP to stay out of it, it is obvious her friend wanted a listening ear. I don’t know how y’all are with your friends, but my close friends are also sounding boards, they are advice givers, and they support me but will tell me if they think I am wrong. That is why they are friends, there is a strong relationship built. As for the $10 spent for the tickets, it wasn’t the money! It was the lack of effort. No, you don’t give gifts to get gifts. However, when you do things for someone, when you support and love them, the relationship should go both ways. The son definitely should show his effort in the relationship! If money is tight, just tell mom that money is tight, but it won’t always be. Here is my IOU for lunch once a month! He could have volunteered to take her to a movie, anything, but something that showed respect for her. One wonders if the FDIL is behind some if this…..

[sunshine45]

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@occasionalrain wrote:

I don't think the mother expected an expensive gift, just one that was thoughtful.

Scratch off tickets are what's given to someone as a small thank you, not a family member or close friend. 

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LOL that is funny......

i give all of my adult children and my brother scratchers for xmas (along with some other things.) i dont give any to my sister because she doesnt believe in gambling. two years ago my mother asks why SHE never gets scratchers. i guess she felt left out. soooooooo, yes, i now give my mom scratchers for christmas ($1 scratchers) and i also gave her

H475016

Berkshire Grace Fur and Loftmink Wearable Throw in the rose color. she is always cold, even when it is 90 degrees. LOL

my mother spends way more on me than i spend on her!