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Honored Contributor
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Registered: ‎05-17-2010

Re: Adoption and conceiving through IVF


@occasionalrain wrote:

A child/person who is adopted knows they are a second choice, no matter how loved they may be. Telling them they were chosen and special seems unlikly to be believed nor should it be. If it were true, babies would be gathered and adoptive parents, after perhaps holding each one, would make their choice. A lot like choosing a pet from a shelter. Of course when adopting an older child it is true, they are chosen and special.


@occasionalrain  OMG. I hope I’m not the only one who finds this post offensive. An adopted child is certainly not like getting a pet from a shelter. The comparison is ludicrous. My son was certainly told he was special and loved....but so was my daughter. Any child in my family would be treated and loved equally. If parents can’t do that, or God forbid, feel that it’s like choosing a pet, please don’t adopt. For that matter, IMO, I can’t imagine that they’d be loving parents no matter how the child came to them...adoption, biologically, by IVF, surrogacy, etc. 

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Re: Adoption and conceiving through IVF


@occasionalrain wrote:

A child/person who is adopted knows they are a second choice, no matter how loved they may be. Telling them they were chosen and special seems unlikly to be believed nor should it be. If it were true, babies would be gathered and adoptive parents, after perhaps holding each one, would make their choice. A lot like choosing a pet from a shelter. Of course when adopting an older child it is true, they are chosen and special.


Are you adopted? Cause I never once in my life felt like second best. Choosing a pet? You meant to be provocative and offensive. Own it @occasionalrain

 

It's a travesty that my friend Noel7 was banned and this blather stands. Where are the moderators??

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Re: Adoption and conceiving through IVF


@Trinity11 wrote:

@occasionalrain wrote:

A child/person who is adopted knows they are a second choice, no matter how loved they may be. Telling them they were chosen and special seems unlikly to be believed nor should it be. If it were true, babies would be gathered and adoptive parents, after perhaps holding each one, would make their choice. A lot like choosing a pet from a shelter. Of course when adopting an older child it is true, they are chosen and special.


Are you adopted? Cause I never once in my life felt like second best. Choosing a pet? You meant to be provocative and offensive. Own it @occasionalrain

 

It's a travesty that my friend Noel7 was banned and this blather stands. Where are the moderators??


@Trinity11  I’m totally disgusted by those that feel biological births are the only accepted path to parenthood. Religious reasons understandable, but narrow mindedness? Never!!

 

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Re: Adoption and conceiving through IVF


@Shanus wrote:

@Trinity11 wrote:

@occasionalrain wrote:

A child/person who is adopted knows they are a second choice, no matter how loved they may be. Telling them they were chosen and special seems unlikly to be believed nor should it be. If it were true, babies would be gathered and adoptive parents, after perhaps holding each one, would make their choice. A lot like choosing a pet from a shelter. Of course when adopting an older child it is true, they are chosen and special.


Are you adopted? Cause I never once in my life felt like second best. Choosing a pet? You meant to be provocative and offensive. Own it @occasionalrain

 

It's a travesty that my friend Noel7 was banned and this blather stands. Where are the moderators??


@Trinity11  I’m totally disgusted by those that feel biological births are the only accepted path to parenthood. Religious reasons understandable, but narrow mindedness? Never!!

 


Yes, @Shanus. We had a neighbor that wouldn't let her daughter play with me when we were children. She thought   adopted children were less than.  My grandson is adopted so occasionalrain's comment was hurtful and very untrue.

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Re: Adoption and conceiving through IVF


@Trinity11 wrote:

@Shanus wrote:

@Trinity11 wrote:

@occasionalrain wrote:

A child/person who is adopted knows they are a second choice, no matter how loved they may be. Telling them they were chosen and special seems unlikly to be believed nor should it be. If it were true, babies would be gathered and adoptive parents, after perhaps holding each one, would make their choice. A lot like choosing a pet from a shelter. Of course when adopting an older child it is true, they are chosen and special.


Are you adopted? Cause I never once in my life felt like second best. Choosing a pet? You meant to be provocative and offensive. Own it @occasionalrain

 

It's a travesty that my friend Noel7 was banned and this blather stands. Where are the moderators??


@Trinity11  I’m totally disgusted by those that feel biological births are the only accepted path to parenthood. Religious reasons understandable, but narrow mindedness? Never!!

 


Yes, @Shanus. We had a neighbor that wouldn't let her daughter play with me when we were children. She thought   adopted children were less than.  My grandson is adopted so occasionalrain's comment was hurtful and very untrue.


@Trinity11  I’m so sorry you experienced that. Earlier in this thread, I said my 46 yr. old son is adopted (were able to bring him home from nursery at 4 days old) and was pregnant before he was 3 months old w/ my daughter now 45. If there is (& shouldn’t be) any stigma associated w/ adoption, my son never experienced it within our family. He was as much my child when placed in my arms for the first time as when I first held my daughter. This thread is not only a stab at adoptive parents, but hurtful and unnecessary to adopted children and adults. Shameful that some people are so misinformed in 2018.

 

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Re: Adoption and conceiving through IVF

A falsehood no matter how well intended is still deceit. I know of no one, no couple who wanted a child and didn't turn to adoption only after finding they were unable to produce a biological child. How is that not a second choice or even a last resort? 

 

That does not mean the adopted child is not loved or cherished and considered a blessing. The issue I have is the dishonesty. The fairytale story of being chosen as though there were several babies from which to choose when the only choice was to adopt or remain childless. 

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Re: Adoption and conceiving through IVF


@occasionalrain wrote:

A falsehood no matter how well intended is still deceit. I know of no one, no couple who wanted a child and didn't turn to adoption only after finding they were unable to produce a biological child. How is that not a second choice or even a last resort? 

 

That does not mean the adopted child is not loved or cherished and considered a blessing. The issue I have is the dishonesty. The fairytale story of being chosen as though there were several babies from which to choose when the only choice was to adopt or remain childless. 


What nonsense @occasionalrain. Expand your horizons. My daughter was fully capable of having her own biological child but chose to adopt my grandson. She felt there are so many children in this world without a family she chose to adopt. Thank goodness we have such people on this planet. My grandson is a blessing and I love him dearly.

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Re: Adoption and conceiving through IVF

[ Edited ]

I know people that adopted  3 childern and never tried to  use any artifical means of conception/fertilization .. They did have 3 of their own. One child was conceived during the adoption process, and then a pr of twins came along late in life

 

All of the children were equally loved. Well I fib t,he first adpoted boy, was always sort of ,the apple of their eye

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Re: Adoption and conceiving through IVF


@cherry wrote:

I know people that adopted  3 childern and never tried to  use any artifical means of conception/fertilization .. They did have 3 of their own. One child was conceived during the adpotion process, and then a pr of twins came along late in life

 

All of the children were equally loved. Well I fib t,he first adpoted boy, was always sort of ,the apple of their eye


@cherryI used to baby-sit, when I was in high school, for a family that had 3 children and the first daughter was adopted. She was cherished by her parents. In fact, it was so cute because she looked exactly like her siblings and I used to think it was just meant to be that she went to that family.

 

She is now a practicing physician and we have kept in touch over the years. Since we are both adopted we always had a bond of sorts..

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Re: Adoption and conceiving through IVF

@occasionalrain The problem is saying that adopted kids feel like they are second choice. I've never felt that way as an adopted kid.

 

This sort of stuff does a diservice to getting kids adopted. My guess is the majority of us adopted kids don't feel like this and never have any issues. Of course no one asks us.

 

Oddly the only person I wasn't that close to in my family was my grandmother who did feel like I wasn't as good. Her loss as far as I'm concerned.

 

All I know is I was meant to be here and my parents were meant to adopt me. And yes when I was very young I did think my parents actually went in and picked me out. It was great!