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05-11-2019 07:28 PM
Look cheap? As if the grieving family notices or cares about who sent what flowers. I think your brother made a wise decision considering the high cost of funeral flowers and it's likely that he sent a huge arrangement since it was from both families. You should thank him. But that does not mean that you can't send a plant to the house or a big fruit basket or make a donation to charity in honor of the deceased. There are many things you can do. When my mom passed away, I was sorry that so many people spent so much money on flowers. There were just too many and it's not like the old days when I was a kid and people took the flowers home. No one does that now. When my dad passed we asked for contributions in lieu of flowers but most people sent flowers.
@Chrystaltree This family takes note of everything. I agree that the money could be well spent on something better than flowers. I also think it is a generational thing, this is what they did 60 years ago and it is what they do/want done today.
05-11-2019 07:30 PM
Honestly my opinion is just remembering and showing respect is all that is needed. People are in such an emotional turmoil they barely know what is going on, or who sent what
Maybe send them a card with a restaurant gift card, or take them a meal if you live near them, a few days after everything is over
@cherry It is nice to do something after the dust settles and people are forgotton.
05-11-2019 07:37 PM - edited 05-11-2019 07:54 PM
This probably won’t go over well, but I would be mortified if anyone gave me an envelope of money to help with funeral costs or whatever. No way could I accept it.
It’s all individual choice of course, but I am no fan of all the hoopla that visitations and funerals can bring. I am all for very quick and simple and then let me grieve on my own. We had a visitation at the funeral home when my mom died in 2011. I thought it was a waste of money actually. When my dad died in 2016, we didn’t have one. I didn’t request flowers from anyone and didn’t request donations to charities in the obituaries.
When we buried my parents ashes, out of state, at the same time, in 2016, we did a really brief graveside service only and then my whole family went to lunch. I went to a flower wholesaler on the way to the cemetery and bought six dozen roses. Two dozen for my parents grave, one dozen for my grandparents and one dozen for my uncle and aunt. With the remaining two dozen I put a rose on each grave of a departed family. It took almost all 24 of those roses to get that done. It was very, very sad.
To the OP, I think that what your brother did was very nice. I wouldn’t worry about it at all.
05-11-2019 08:48 PM
Your brother should have checked with you first, but as long as it's a nice arrangement and includes your names then I'd feel fine about it. I'd still send a condolence card with a personal note.
05-11-2019 09:58 PM
I think it is perfectly fine to send flowers as a family. My siblings and I have done it many times and we aren't cheap.. i feel it speaks volumns about how you relate to your relative and that you remembered them as a family..If you send seperate flowers you would be insulting your brother and then he would be hurt and there is no reason for that..Ask him what he sent and send your Aunt's immediate family a pretty card, and hope they love the flowers and mention the name..I can promise you they will love the flowers and not even consider it being cheap..
05-11-2019 10:31 PM
@Panda123 Condolences on the passing of your aunt. Only you know your brother, so hopefully he had the best intentions when he sent the arrangement with all names on it. If you have doubts about whether your names were on it, then send your own flower arrangement. If not, then send a card and maybe a fresh fruit basket from Edible Arrangements.
05-11-2019 10:52 PM
@Panda123 I'm sure your brother was just trying to helpful. Why not have a fruit basket sent to your aunt's family or a nice arrangement of plants for the home. Many florists have these options available.
If your children are not grown up how about a floral heart arrangement that can be placed in the open casket.
Hope this helps. I know customs for funerals can vary so much from region to region, religious practices, and family preferences.
@ aroc3435 Thank you for the suggestion. I think I will send an edible fruit arrangement.
Shoekitty said, that is a great idea. They will appreciate it, i would. When you are going through a funeral, food, and and small treats like edible fruits baskets are so welcome!
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