Among Friends

[libbyannE]

So? It was kind of your brother to include you. Thank your brother and send something additional from yourself, such as a generous charitable contribution in her name. 

[VaBelle35]

When my grandfather died, family put money/checks in their mass cards but it was because they all owed my grandfather money over the years (and my grandmother had the ledger memorized ;O

[panda1234]

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@mary0129 wrote:

How about opting for a donation to her favorite charity? The sentiment will last longer than the flowers.

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@mary0129   None was mentioned.

[panda1234]

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@VaBelle35 wrote:

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@fthunt wrote:

This got complicated..............I would give brother $25 toward flowers and thank him for thinking of us......and send nothing more.....flowers said it all.

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You can't get much for a $50 flower arrangement, especially if it's being delivered.  For $50 total, you're looking at a $35 arrangement.  And if there's a vase, it's about $30 worth of flower.

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@VaBelle35  From what I saw the flowers started at $75 for the smaller size. 

[panda1234]

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@VaBelle35 wrote:

My mother's family is very petty about these things and takes note of who does what and who does not.  The line for the visitation book at the wake was long because everyone wanted to make sure it was documented that they attended.

My mother was very stressed about appearances for her brother's funeral.

My mother bought all the flower arrangements from all of us when she made all the funeral arrangements.  It was easier to do it all from one florist.

The arrangements traveled around from the funeral home, to the church, to the chapel at the cemetery.  Flowers are not allowed graveside at this cemetery, so the arrangements were unassembled at the cemetery chapel and everyone was asked to take a flower with this.

For me, personally, I tend to send food to the house that can be frozen.  There are a lot of great services out there.  

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@VaBelle35  Oh, this sounds like this family. They do make note of everything. Just a side note. When one of the kids would get married the envelopes were opened at the parent’s house with immediate family there. The amount given was written on the back of the card and then entered in a book. This was so they would have record of what to give when that person married.

[VaBelle35]

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@panda1234 wrote:

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@VaBelle35 wrote:

My mother's family is very petty about these things and takes note of who does what and who does not.  The line for the visitation book at the wake was long because everyone wanted to make sure it was documented that they attended.

My mother was very stressed about appearances for her brother's funeral.

My mother bought all the flower arrangements from all of us when she made all the funeral arrangements.  It was easier to do it all from one florist.

The arrangements traveled around from the funeral home, to the church, to the chapel at the cemetery.  Flowers are not allowed graveside at this cemetery, so the arrangements were unassembled at the cemetery chapel and everyone was asked to take a flower with this.

For me, personally, I tend to send food to the house that can be frozen.  There are a lot of great services out there.  

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@VaBelle35  Oh, this sounds like this family. They do make note of everything. Just a side note. When one of the kids would get married the envelopes were opened at the parent’s house with immediate family there. The amount given was written on the back of the card and then entered in a book. This was so they would have record of what to give when that person married.

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That's my family.

[violann]

I don’t ever EVER send flowers at all, and had ONE CASKET ARRANGEMENT designated “from the family” when my mom died, and did not collect from anyone. We had a family scholarship that was listed as part of Mom’s obituary.

My 2 aunts and I took care of her during her 5 1/2 years as an invalid, and I wanted ZERO drama, and got it.

I believe wholeheartedly that funeral planning belongs to the chief caregivers.

Nothing “looks cheap”. If you loved and supported your relative and her family while she was living, your debt is paid.

End of my rant.

[Financialgrl]

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@VaBelle35 wrote:

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@fthunt wrote:

This got complicated..............I would give brother $25 toward flowers and thank him for thinking of us......and send nothing more.....flowers said it all.

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You can't get much for a $50 flower arrangement, especially if it's being delivered.  For $50 total, you're looking at a $35 arrangement.  And if there's a vase, it's about $30 worth of flower.

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I'm guessing florist costs depend upon where you live.   A cousin (3 hours away) died last year and I knew nothing about the florists in that area so I used the link on the obituary.  It listed 2 local florists and you had the option to pick 3 different sizes of bouquets and they had pictures of the difference of each size.  

The cheapest arrangement was about $60 when all was said and done - - and that picture looked pretty bare so since ours was from 4 ppl I chose the middle arrangement and when you added tax and delivery the cost was close to $90.  I attended the visitation and my $90 arrangement was worth nowhere near that, maybe $50 so I no longer send flowers.  If I know someone well enough to attend their funeral I know what they died from or their special charities and send a donation to one of those.  Flowers are such a ripoff!

[CountryCook]

In the past before my husband passed away I would take food for breakfast, stuff for lunch.  I would take toilet paper, several boxes of tissue, paper plates and napkins.  I did that instead of flowers.  We would usually spend what a nice floral arrangement would cost.  After my husband died last year I could not stand the over powering smell of the funeral flowers that was sent home with me.  Sadly, when he passed away his sister and her children did not sent flowers.  But one of her sons showed up at my house to get the items my hisband had inherited from his mother when she died.  l have not heard or seen from any of them since.  They for the most part live out of state and  excuses why they could not attend his funeral.  One had just retuned from a long trip, the other 3 offer no excuse but they all had their hands stuck out for what they thought belonged to them.  I finally decide good ridance.

[SharkE]

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@Mom2Dogs wrote:

@panda1234 ....I'd probably let it go and as another posted mentioned you could send a fruit basket and of course I'd send a card...

but why didn't he ask you before taking control..that sort of thing irks me.

My mother in law used to do that c&ap all the time it was her world rest of us was just living in it.  Grrrr

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