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Respected Contributor
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Registered: ‎04-27-2015

Re: A question regarding funeral flowers


@Sooner wrote:

I have never heard of leaving money by the guest book at a funeral or giving money in any way for a funeral.


I never did either @Sooner until my mother passed. The money was not left by the guest book but handed to me. My brother and I donated all of the money to the charity she requested. Funny how things are done in different areas of the country or even the state.

 

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Re: A question regarding funeral flowers


@MaeE wrote:

I think it is perfectly fine to send flowers as a family. My siblings and I have done it many times and we aren't cheap.. i feel it speaks volumns about how you relate to your relative and that you remembered them as a family..If you send seperate flowers you would be insulting your brother and then he would be hurt and there is no reason for that..Ask him what he sent and send your Aunt's immediate family a pretty card, and hope they love the flowers and mention the name..I can promise you they will love the flowers and not even consider it being cheap..


@MaeE  Now that you mentioned it, he would have most likely been hurt if I went on my own and sent flowers. I would never want to do that. I will give him a gift card of some type in payment for half.....he would never take money.

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Registered: ‎03-07-2019

Re: A question regarding funeral flowers

How about opting for a donation to her favorite charity? The sentiment will last longer than the flowers.

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Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: A question regarding funeral flowers


@Sooner wrote:

I have never heard of leaving money by the guest book at a funeral or giving money in any way for a funeral.


I have lived in three states and this is commonly done. Typically, the money is put together and used for a memorial gift.. Or, if the family needs, to help pay for funeral expenses. It’s just what you’re used to depending on where you live but not at all unusual for some. 

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Re: A question regarding funeral flowers

My mother's family is very petty about these things and takes note of who does what and who does not.  The line for the visitation book at the wake was long because everyone wanted to make sure it was documented that they attended.

 

My mother was very stressed about appearances for her brother's funeral.

 

My mother bought all the flower arrangements from all of us when she made all the funeral arrangements.  It was easier to do it all from one florist.

 

The arrangements traveled around from the funeral home, to the church, to the chapel at the cemetery.  Flowers are not allowed graveside at this cemetery, so the arrangements were unassembled at the cemetery chapel and everyone was asked to take a flower with this.

 

For me, personally, I tend to send food to the house that can be frozen.  There are a lot of great services out there.  

 

 

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# IAMTEAMWEN
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Re: A question regarding funeral flowers


@fthunt wrote:

This got complicated..............I would give brother $25 toward flowers and thank him for thinking of us......and send nothing more.....flowers said it all.


 

You can't get much for a $50 flower arrangement, especially if it's being delivered.  For $50 total, you're looking at a $35 arrangement.  And if there's a vase, it's about $30 worth of flower.

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# IAMTEAMWEN
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Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: A question regarding funeral flowers


@Panda123 wrote:

@momtodogs wrote:

@Panda123 ....I'd probably let it go and as another posted mentioned you could send a fruit basket and of course I'd send a card...

 

but why didn't he ask you before taking control..that sort of thing irks me.


@momtodogs  Irks me too. I think he knew I would fuss about it and also he was trying to save me money. I am going to give him half of what I think the cost is. And it will have to be in gift card form because he would never take cash from me. 

 

I don't know if that's the best idea, @Panda123 ..I think I'd just say thanks to brother and then send that amount of $ to an organization that has some meaning to them.   


 

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Re: A question regarding funeral flowers


@Sooner wrote:

I have never heard of leaving money by the guest book at a funeral or giving money in any way for a funeral.


 

 

@Sooner 

 

 

i had never heard of it either until i heard about it on these boards years ago.

i had no idea this was done.

my mother said she had heard of it before but only for families who may be in financial need, to cover funeral expenses. it wasnt common in our circle of family/friends.....maybe not even in our area?

"If the camel once gets his nose in the tent, his body will soon follow." - Arab Proverb
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Re: A question regarding funeral flowers


@Panda123 wrote:

@chiclets wrote:

One arrangement is tasteful.

In general, it is the presence at the funeral that is important and the acknowledgement of the passing and family loss.

A envelop with money for the family for the cost of the funeral is sometimes better spent and left beside the visitor book.

A plant arrangement sent to a relative home is sometimes nice too.

The word cheap doesn't apply.


@chiclets I do perfer to give money. It is practical and the family will know where it is best used. 


 

As I mentioned in another post my Father passed away when he was relatively young and many people came to our home after the funeral and gave my Mother an envelope with money.     My Mother wasn't financially strapped as my Dad had several life insurance policies but they wanted to show their respects and felt that their money could help her.   She was very grateful and appreciated everyone's generosity.   

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Re: A question regarding funeral flowers

Japanese send money called  Koden.  it doesn't matter what religion they are.  my husbands family is christian with Japanese ancestry.  they always give money.  usually 50.  but it can range from 10-100 depending on relationship.  usually it is saved and used for memorial plaque or head stone so everyone who knew the deceased has a part.  i am not Japanes, but my mother's family always has given flowers, and sometimes money.  the money depending on who died, lol. to some it has come as a surprise, but they shared a great thank you and used the money to contribute to some memorial project. 

 

but sometimes I am sure people can take it as a slight to their financial position.  when i give money I write in the card please use this for something you mom, dad husband, etc would love, or contibute to their favorite charity or club