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Honored Contributor
Posts: 22,760
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: A question regarding funeral flowers

In reality, none of this makes any difference anyway.  If someone gets upset about the cost or size or abundance of floral arrangements at a funeral, they're gonna find something to complain about in any case and you can't stop them.

 

Otherwise, it is the relationship to the survivors that matters.  If you are really close, visit, offer comfort, help them out and be kind days, weeks and months afterward.  If you are not close, offer your sympathy and let it go at that.

 

An offer to take them to lunch or dinner, a phone call (not a message, tweet or e-mail) and a visit following the funeral will mean more than flowers or donations do in any case.  Kindness to the survivors is your best tribute to the deceased. 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 23,606
Registered: ‎05-10-2010

Re: A question regarding funeral flowers

[ Edited ]

Look cheap?  As if the grieving family notices or cares about who sent what flowers.  I think your brother made a wise decision considering the high cost of funeral flowers and it's likely that he sent a huge arrangement since it was from both families.  You should thank him.  But that does not mean that you can't send a plant to the house or  a big fruit basket or make a donation to charity in honor of the deceased.  There are many things you can do.  When my mom passed away, I was sorry that so many people spent so much money on flowers.  There were just too many and it's not like the old days when I was a kid and people took the flowers home.  No one does that now.  When my dad passed we asked for contributions in lieu of flowers but most people sent flowers.  

Honored Contributor
Posts: 36,671
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: A question regarding funeral flowers

i personally think that that was kind of your brother to do. i do think that if you want to send something then an edible arrangement would be nice to send to their immediate family.

 

we went to a funeral last week and there were not too many flowers......only from the very immediate family. the family asked that donations be made in the name of the deceased to the american cancer society, which is what we did.

 

if i do send flowers to the funeral home then they always plants or plant baskets. i like sending canoe baskets with flowering plants and green plants OR a country basket. this way, something lives on in someones home.

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Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 7,485
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: A question regarding funeral flowers

I don't think it looks cheap at all.

 

JMO, flowers from anyone other than immediate family are a waste of money.

Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,924
Registered: ‎07-01-2012

Re: A question regarding funeral flowers

One arrangement is tasteful.

In general, it is the presence at the funeral that is important and the acknowledgement of the passing and family loss.

A envelop with money for the family for the cost of the funeral is sometimes better spent and left beside the visitor book.

A plant arrangement sent to a relative home is sometimes nice too.

The word cheap doesn't apply.

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,355
Registered: ‎02-22-2015

Re: A question regarding funeral flowers

@panda1234  Your brother's gesture was very kind. I don't think it appears "cheap" at all. However, I would send a card and enclose a check for a memorial (usually listed in the obituary or their Church). Frankly, that seems more appropriate to me than flowers in this day and age. 

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,798
Registered: ‎03-28-2015

Re: A question regarding funeral flowers

Just wanted to comment on  a few things.....

 

Flowers purchased this week for anything are marked up 2 or 3 times what they sold for 2 weeks ago because of Mother's Day. I worked for a Floral Wholesaler for 10 years...so I wouldn't order more.

 

A fruit basket is nice if you want to buy something else.

 

Also, hubby works part time for a Funeral home since he retired... as an Usher. The family can do whatever they want with the flowers. They can have them sent to their home, leave some at Church (Ok'd by the Pastor), donate to a Nursing home or put on the grave.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,327
Registered: ‎04-27-2015

Re: A question regarding funeral flowers


@shaggygirl wrote:

Obviously he should have checked with you first and not assumed that was what you'd want BUT his intentions were good I guess. Unless he figured it to be more economical for him or both of you to share the cost for the arrangement. So just thank him and then I'd go with that idea of sending an edible arrangement on your own because I think it would make you feel better. But a small one because I've been on the receiving end those more than once and they can be a pain to take apart (all those stabby sticks) and because they use a variety of fruits some keep nicely for awhile but others go funky quickly if not eaten.


@shaggygirl   You are right about getting a small one. We received one and had to remove the shelve from the refridgerator to get it in.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,327
Registered: ‎04-27-2015

Re: A question regarding funeral flowers


@chiclets wrote:

One arrangement is tasteful.

In general, it is the presence at the funeral that is important and the acknowledgement of the passing and family loss.

A envelop with money for the family for the cost of the funeral is sometimes better spent and left beside the visitor book.

A plant arrangement sent to a relative home is sometimes nice too.

The word cheap doesn't apply.


@chiclets I do perfer to give money. It is practical and the family will know where it is best used. 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 17,739
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: A question regarding funeral flowers

Honestly my opinion is just remembering and showing respect is all that is needed. People are in such an emotional turmoil they barely know what is going on, or who sent what

 

Maybe  send them a card with a restaurant  gift card, or take them a meal if you live near them, a few days after everything is over