Among Friends

[SouthernBee]

@panda1234 : If she has anything in her name only make sure it is protected. Notify credit bureau and make any changes . Contact a lawyer ASAP.  Start her own or have a separate checking and savings accounts. Stop any unnecessary spending. Get a notebook and document everything. If she can afford it- hire a private detective.  I have gone down this road and no work associates or friends told me about what they witnessed. I woke up in time to save my house, my money and the new car DH tried to come back and steal .

[KarenQVC]

I would not make any decisions for my friend, obviously.  However, I would encourage her to approach this from a position of strength.

First, knowledge is strength.  Get the basics of the affair from a detective or otherwise.

Then, hire an attorney to advise what to do about the $ situation.

Next, consider whether she wants the marriage.

Don't involve the husband until she has done the above 3 things.  This could be war.  Get yourself ready even if you don't want a divorce.

[busymom22]

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@SouthernBee wrote:

@panda1234 : If she has anything in her name only make sure it is protected. Notify credit bureau and make any changes . Contact a lawyer ASAP.  Start her own or have a separate checking and savings accounts. Stop any unnecessary spending. Get a notebook and document everything. If she can afford it- hire a private detective.  I have gone down this road and no work associates or friends told me about what they witnessed. I woke up in time to save my house, my money and the new car DH tried to come back and steal .

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I agree that whatever advice this woman receives, being financially prepared is super important.

I knew a woman who went through this.  She confronted her husband and he agreed to counseling. Once, after a session, she was so happy because things were going really well and it looked like reconciliation was close. She came home to find a message on the answering machine from a realtor. The realtor  stated the closing date for the new house her husband was purchasing for him and his girlfriend. He left her abruptly and she was devastated as she had trusted him and really thought they were going to get back together.  Meanwhile he had planned his exit thoroughly and redirected their assets to where she was left with nothing.  Took a long time and expensive lawyers to resolve that divorce.

[KatieB]

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@panda1234 wrote:

I told her she needed to get proof, This is hard with technology today, you could be having a affair right at your kitchen table during lunch and no one would know. If she is able to get proof I advised her to confront him and then leave. Just wondering if anyone had better advice. 

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My advice would be to keep your nose out of it....

[santorini]

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@KatieB wrote:

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@panda1234 wrote:

I told her she needed to get proof, This is hard with technology today, you could be having a affair right at your kitchen table during lunch and no one would know. If she is able to get proof I advised her to confront him and then leave. Just wondering if anyone had better advice. 

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My advice would be to keep your nose out of it....

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The FRIEND put her nose in it when she asked for advice.  Friends rely on friends for input.  It doesn't mean they have to follow the "advice" or suggestions given.  It helps to be able to talk about things with friends you trust.

[beckyb1012]

Makes me want to go watch the 1939 version of "The Women".  When Mary's mother tells her to keep silent and ignore the advice of her friends.

[CelticCrafter]

My own personal opinion, MYOB and stay out of it.

[BornToShop]

This is a painful thread for me; been there done that 3 years ago.  The shock and devestating journey this is, well I wouldn't wish it on anyone.  I was blessed with an outstanding attorney, family support and a terrific counselor.  Today, I now know he did me the biggest favor.  I am currently engaged to my high school sweetheart who took me to prom 50 years ago.  I could not be happier!  Karma can be a bigger b***h than I can ever be!  Things happen for a reason, you may not know it in the moment, but I am proof positive I am glad it happened.  

[KarenQVC]

I know.  If a guy has developed a taste for young flesh, I don't think he can be rehabbed.  Just let him go his own silly way.  Just act first, while you have options.

[ROMARY]

If a person has the funds, maybe hire a private investigator?

I believe they have legal ways to get to the truth.  

Might be worth her money, if she is financially able.