Among Friends

[queendiva]

As per the OP's friend, her husband's lies are just starting. There will be many, many more, particularly where the couple's finances are concerned. I do not agree with the suggestions of confronting or questioning him about having an affair. Will he give an honest response? I doubt it, and she has now shown her hand, so to speak. I also agree with a previous poster who suggested the wife have a consultation with every good attorney she can find so the husband can't hire them. Fortunately, in my case, I think my ex's mother recommended an expensive but not very capable attorney to him based on polling her well-heeled friends. I did all due diligence and hired the best. Cost me plenty, but completely worth it for the lifestyle my then young children and I have been living for the past many years. I have now been divorced for as long as I was married with my happiness and integrity intact. Can't say the same for him.

[Shanus]

@panda1234   My advice would be to stay out of it. BTW, with technology today, it's more than easy to find out any info needed about anything...quickly. 

[roeroe1005]

@panda1234

I have one thought -

you mention the "other" woman has young children.  Is it possible your friend's husband fathered them?  Without knowing how long this has been going on, it's something to question.

[chiclets]

Your friend came to you with her suspicions concerning HER husband.

You can be a friend by listening, just listening.

You should mind your own business.

Your friend needs to use her OWN common sense concerning the situation. She needs to put on her grown up pants and find out the facts for herself. If she has any sense she needs to find out financially what is in BOTH their names.

If she comes to you with facts, then you can nod and ask HER what She is going to do.

It is between the husband and wife.

[BeccaLou]

@panda1234 I would not get involved.

[chrystaltree]

This is not a soap opera or a B movie.  She doesn't need proof.  She needs to have an honest conversation with her husband.  If she's talking to you about it, her suspicions are strong.  She should come out and ask him but be prepared for the answer.  Infidelity doesn't have to be the end of a marriage, there are worse things than infidelity.  A person doesn't just walk away from a marriage if both parties want to save the marriage.  They need couples counseling to figure out what's wrong and where they go from here.  That's whether he is having an affair or whether her suspicions are wrong.  

[patbz]

Many years ago, when I was in my early 30s, I was presented with irrefutable proof that my best friend's husband was cheating on her.  My roommate was dating a young Naval officer who related to my roomy that my BFs husband was cheating while he was "away on travel" escorting the golf team ( room's bf was on team).  I briefly debated about whether to share this with my best friend.  I didnt, and am glad I made that decision.  They did eventually divorce, ten years later, and he went on to marry #3.

[colliemom4]

I agree with those who said not to get involved. Years ago I had a friend come to me with clear evidence her husband was having an affair. She had pics, letters etc. She also had a lot of empty prescription bottles of pills she didn't know he was taking. I tried to listen and be supportive but she wasn't being honest saying she wanted a clean break from him.

He did move out, but the first chance she got she turned around and reunited with him though they finally divorced. During this process she turned many things on me and said I wasn't being a good friend eventually leading to us ending our friendship.

I did or said nothing to make her feel that way. In fact I went out of my way to help her though I wish I'd have never been involved. My husband and I even rented a beach house in Florida for us and her and her kids to get away so she could feel better.

[giraffe77]

@panda1234   Your friend came to you .... so it is now your business.  I cannot believe that some friends "turn on others who help them"....were they really friends?   Some people need moral support and that's why your friend needs you.  I say help her. 

[jeanlake]

@panda1234 Thank you for your kind words. I'm a trained mediator with conflict mgmt degree. It is so difficult when our hearts are breaking or we are focused on fear of betrayal to focus and make logical decisions. Almost impossible sometimes. I will say most of my friends have a Plan B that includes life without our partners; whether break up or death. Of course we don't dwell on any of this and it doesn't minimize grief, but it does aid in survival. Take care and stay safe