Among Friends

[Drythe]

I believe it is possible to make peace, and to learn to understand what happened;  I think one can work at and be fortunate enough to move forward, learn to forgive, protect and help others, be a productive member of society, and enjoy a good life.

However, for many of us the scar is always there.  As someone once said, “I lost a fin in the war and I swim a bit differently.”  Yes, because of that scar (experience) I look at thing and people differently.  I am aware of people I meet who seem have the potential for what I experienced, as well as the people who seem to be currently experiencing it.

I’m not saying you can’t move along, but for some of us, it does change who you are and how you look at things, even if you have been “treated”

I too wish people would keep that in mind.

[blackhole99]

I don't think people mean to say to forget it. We just need people to have a safe place to go where they will be listened to and not have someone think they are not telling the truth. I know kids some time will not tell because they are afraid of the consequences.. Older kids are afraid if they tell their dreams won't come true. Older women and men same thing, afraid their dreams won'r come true. We need to teach our kids self worth from the cradle. When I heard Diana Nyad say in an interview that she was a big girl and could easily have thrown her coach across the room, I had to wonder just how much self worth she had at that time and how badly she wanted to succeed.

[jlkz]

@Vickiv

I am so sorry for the pain that you endured from your father's abandonment.

What you did for him as he lay dying was truly altruistic.  All that comes to mind is the quote: because you have shown mercy, mercy will be shown to you.

Blessings.

[Moonchilde]

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@blackhole99 wrote:

I don't think people mean to say to forget it. We just need people to have a safe place to go where they will be listened to and not have someone think they are not telling the truth. I know kids some time will not tell because they are afraid of the consequences.. Older kids are afraid if they tell their dreams won't come true. Older women and men same thing, afraid their dreams won'r come true. We need to teach our kids self worth from the cradle. When I heard Diana Nyad say in an interview that she was a big girl and could easily have thrown her coach across the room, I had to wonder just how much self worth she had at that time and how badly she wanted to succeed.

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There are a lot of “just get over it!” people out there who repeat it like parrots - and apparently believe that anyone should ‘just get over’ anything and everything. It’s another way of saying “ST*U, nobody cares.” However in most instances those would be the people who would make a huge Federal case out of it if something negative happened to them.  They “say” all kinds of kwap just to try and fake a superiority they hope people believe, or really, just to be mean because they enjoy being mean. It doesn’t mean people should pay any attention to them. Faux people with faux perfection in their lives. 

[Noel7]

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@dulwich wrote:

@Moonchilde  I so agree with your thread abd there us definitely all kinds of abuse.  As a young child I can never remember my Father touching me, holding my hand, talking to me, heaven forbid a father- daughter kiss, or even a conversation.  Only once - I was about 10 y.o. he allowed me to accompany him to the afternoon movie show - we walked through thick snow, he turned to me at the cinema asked me for my admittance money - which I did not have so he told me to go back home and he went on into the show.

He never hit me just I totally was not there - went on until I left home as an adult. So there are all kind of abuse.  I hear about wonderful Father/daughter relations but not for me.

However, this does not govern or rule my life - I get sad sometimes but you have to move on and become the person you are meant to be not 'wearing it as a shield' as Moonchilde so aptly put it.

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@dulwich

My father was like that and also into serious physical punishment.  I often wonder if that was part of his subculture back then.

[Sweet_Serenity]

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@Still keeper of the koi wrote:

I hope we never stop feeling empathy for people,no matter what their story, it's not all rich or poor ,lots of ordinary lives...So I am happy to hear the world is changing,it should.CouldI as a child have imagined that I wasn't alone? My prayers are answered, someone will speak up and know someone will listen.  Hey ,this is good, we can talk... the more we hear the more we listen...Hugs,MaryAnne  

Dearest MaryAnne...

More than one occasion enjoyed! Your posts and thoughts on the forum. The love you expressed for your MIL inspirational. No different words shared above reflect depth of soul that we should all desire to have. Yes! So on point. Acknowledging first step to change. In turn talking, Then action. Reminded of "John Walsh"  his voice led significant change. Thank you for starting this discussion. God Bless You & Your Family.⚘

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[Sweet_Serenity]

[qualitygal]

If there's one thing I'm pretty aware of, it's that each generation is a product of it's previous generation.  I think that's why it's said, "don't judge anyone, until you've walked a mile in their shoes".  High praise for those who came out of it into adulthood.  Hugs to all that didn't get any or even enough while they were growing up.  

[CalminHeart]

People push abuses down inside and live with them, hurt with them, because it's not safe to tell.  Once people quit judging and condemning those who wait, it'll get better.  But too many people think they know everything and judge.

Just 2 weeks ago, i told someone what happened to me at work in 1983.  It was sexual harassment.  I tried to tell HR and the female officer there patted my hand and said "boys will be boys."  So I buried it deep inside.  It has affected me since but didn't hold me back in my career.  But it was always there, always a thought in the back of my head.

[Still keeper of the koi]

I wish the world could sit and speak as we have  here.No pretense, no ignorance,only wishing understanding and healing.We may not always agree,but on the topics that really matter, we are in agrement,pain  and ignorance isn't tolerated.I am so proud of this board. Of the posters....I pray for you to help change the world,I hope someone reading this knows, you do not suffer alone,there are  people who have your back..Thank you all so much for this discussion..Hugs,love,MaryAnne