Among Friends

[Sweet_Serenity]

Need to share my experience. Not going into details. Suffice to say! In my case deeply effected entire life. Truthfully! Grateful to my higher power lived. Come long way yet it's always lurking in the deepest part of my being. Do care for myself today- lifestyle plant based along with yoga meditation helps. Differcult to explain to people who have never experienced. Like watching same movie over n over in your mind. Heart is filled with love of family and friends and deep faith. There is more than what we see and experience here on Earth. Service to others and volunteer work. So many people and animals suffering abuse. We can make a difference. More we learn to let go of self more filled with love.❣

[Vickiv]

My father left me when I was three years old never seen me grow up never did anything for me. Birthdays,Christmas I would cry because he never sent me a card. He got married again and had two step children and many grandchildren  who are wealthy from his money.  He never even recognized my children as his grandchildren. We were poor growing up.  When my father passed away all his money was gone and the only ones left to hold his hand while he was dying was me the forgotten one. I am proud of myself today because I hated him for years and years and yet I was the only one there to hold his hand when he died. 

[NicksmomESQ]

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@Vickiv wrote:

My father left me when I was three years old never seen me grow up never did anything for me. Birthdays,Christmas I would cry because he never sent me a card. He got married again and had two step children and many grandchildren  who are wealthy from his money.  He never even recognized my children as his grandchildren. We were poor growing up.  When my father passed away all his money was gone and the only ones left to hold his hand while he was dying was me the forgotten one. I am proud of myself today because I hated him for years and years and yet I was the only one there to hold his hand when he died. 

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@Vickiv  Wow!! I don’t know if I could have done that. You’re a special person.I hope you’ve found peace 💐.

[Moonchilde]

@dulwich, I can relate.  I have never had a positive male role model. My father was a physically abusive alcoholic. Fortunately I don’t remember a lot of that; it’s been wiped from my memory banks, I think, as happens sometimes with bad things in our lives.

My stepfather was an emotional abuser, bully, manipulator and controller, flat out (he also died of Alzheimers disease - karma, anyone?).  He also encouraged/heightened the intensity of my mother’s somewhat lesser propensity for emotional abuse. The two of them in synch could be quite emotionally abusive without half trying.

Did it affect me? Heck yes, but I know that, understand it, and just carry on. It doesn’t control my life, but it’s not something that I feel I need to pretend didn’t happen. It’s not a shame on me.

I have, however, never had the slightest desire to marry or bear children 😜 Wonder why.... 👹

[dulwich]

@Moonchilde  I totally agree does not control my life. My Dad died at age 90 y.o. and for the last 20 years of my parents lives DH and I looked after them, bought them a home, visited, took them on holiday, etc. still never got a touch or kiss, conversation from him ever - there you go, but he did relate to my daughter who adored him!

Wierd!

[WaJa61]

There are no injuries that leave no scars. We carry them with us ~ hopefully growing stronger and more compassionate as the initial wounds heal... But then, we are all “wired” uniquely to begin with and so individually challenged in that way; the severity and duration period of abuse, as well as opportunity with regard to solid counseling, and whatever else may be necessary. 

There is no One-Size-Fits-All, just like with grieving due to any other permanent loss. No matter how well you manage to proceed in the present, or the future... when looking back, the abused lost a part of their potential to fully enjoy life in their past. Certain things will always trigger those memories and the pain, sorrow ~ anger ~ associated with it. 

Learning to cope and carry on, despite the scars, while not inflicting injury to others is usually an achievable goal for most. 

[Still keeper of the koi]

These posts are the reason we need conversation with daughters,sons the elderly,it is inclusive of everyone.Speak about it,listen about it.Dont wait until it becomes a national issue.. Let yourl loved ones know you are a safe place. Change a life just by listening..Hugs, love,MaryAnne

[tuscaloosa]

I have read that the brains of children change when they have been abused. I also agree there is a scar left behind. It is rotten when there is no closure, i.e., person never admits guilt. I have found that most people really don't care what happens to victims as long as the perpetrator is nice to them. I think it would be easier to heal from what a stranger did than a family member.

[Sweet_Serenity]

Find it neccessy make clear this has nothing to do with my family.  My family life safe and sound. Walking home from school abducted. By some miracle let go. Reading comments not allowing past control you. Not a luxury every victim experiences. Never experienced abuse by family, Yet have empathy for those that did. Faith moves mountains!

[Still keeper of the koi]

I hope we never stop feeling empathy for people,no matter what their story, it's not all rich or poor ,lots of ordinary lives...So I am happy to hear the world is changing,it should.CouldI as a child have imagined that I wasn't alone? My prayers are answered, someone will speak up and know someone will listen.  Hey ,this is good, we can talk... the more we hear the more we listen...Hugs,MaryAnne