Among Friends

[ECBG]

In our 7th year, our older son was born, we were building the second home I designed, I had a new teaching position, and Diana got married. 

[hckynut]

@mintedrose 

The 7 year itch pertaining to marriage. My wife and I were together for 30 years before marriage. Married for 18 years now.

Me? No any year itch. My wife?  I don't know, but I am guessing no.

hckynut 

[Gorgf]

For us it was ten year itch. I was happy but I think my ex really was  not. I had dated alot and even asked him prior to marriage not to marry if he thought he was missing something? A second marriage for both of us. I took on his daughters fulltime, willingly.

Out drinking and an affair was the end. He was never happy and probably still isn't. I think untreated depression. When he left he said separation , so seemed unsure. Married her divorced and remarried a fourth time and seems to have become a recluse. 

I admire those of you with happy relationships and glad you found a good one so to speak. 

[jubilant]

First, I would like to say that no one has a perfect marriage.

Yes, I did have the feeling my   marriage was in trouble (at least in my eyes it was) around that 7 yr. or so mark.

I finally gave him an ultimatum...either we get counseling or it's over. It saddened me greatly to do this. At one point we separated for 4 months. He agreed to get counseling. Working through our issues was no picnic but here we are....married 51 years now!!!!

My suggestion is to get counseling. For those who are being physically abused (talking to any woman who might be reading now) ....2 words  GET OUT NOW.  That was never my case and may never have been op's but wanted to mention it in case anyone reading  here is going through that.

[NicksmomESQ]

  I've been married to the love of my life for over 40 years. We love each other beyond measure. We've had our  ups & downs but we always remembered what brought us together. We've never had the desire for anyone but eachother.Neither one of us can imagine a life without the other.

[Shanus]

We've been maried 51 & 1/2years. At the 15 year mark, we were separated for several months. I don't remember all the details except that we both got caught up in our careers, lack of time together and trying to manage two teenagers a year apart...all took its toll.

After some soul searching and counseling, we found our way back together and went on enjoying the rest of these  years. There were many lessons learned that we keep reminding ourselves and eachother. 

[LonestarBabs]

I didn't have an "itch" per se but it is rather coincidental that I was married for 7 years -- I got a divorce that was final 7 years and 4 months after getting married. Was it an itch? No, but it was a long-irritating burr under my saddle that eventually could not be ignored.

[morganjen]

First marriage, yes. (Actually 6 1/2 years.) Second marriage, no.

[San Antonio Gal]

First marriage, yes.  Second marriage, no.

I don't recommend getting married before 30.

[hckynut]

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@San Antonio Gal wrote:

First marriage, yes.  Second marriage, no.

I don't recommend getting married before 30.

@San Antonio Gal 

To your last sentence I will add, "at a minimum". My read is too many just say the phrases "Until Death". To them it is no more serious than saying "Have a good day" to a stranger. They seem to forget the reason that is included in most marriage vows.

Young people(comparable to me that is most) should spend more time around friends that married very young. I did, and did not like what I saw or heard. The more i saw the more i decided to wait. And wait i did, till i was 62. 

To me 2 marriages is 1 too many unless I of the spouses falls victim to the "death" part of their vows. Are there exceptions? Of course, but when 50% or maybe more now, end in divorce? What's the point, to me there is none.

Many of my friends married in the very early 20's. None of them made it to the "death" part of their vows before moving on to the next. 7 year itch? More like a 1 year and vows broken, by both, no specific gender. I did not find out from a 2nd party, I was a witness to it.

hckynut 

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