25 year old Pre-Nuptial agreement.... - Page 8

Pook · ‎03-20-2010

I hope the OP doesn't get paranoid by some of the posts here stating collusion and evil intentions as that is probably far form the case. If she does then it surely could be the end of an otherwise good marriage or just ruin things!

NYC Susan · ‎03-13-2010

@Pook wrote:
I hope the OP doesn't get paranoid by some of the posts here stating collusion and evil intentions as that is probably far form the case. If she does then it surely could be the end of an otherwise good marriage or just ruin things!

I agree. I don't see the need to jump to "he's a horrible person who tricked her" type of conclusions.

jubilant · ‎06-10-2010

If your husband loves you he will care about your feelings in this matter. You need to have a discussion with him and tell him about your fears about the future should anything happen to him. A loving husband should want to put your mind at ease. What's important to you should be important to him.

If he will not even discuss it.....that would send up red flags for me. What you did or didn't do in the past is beside the point now. What you do now could affect your whole future should he pass first. I have seen women alone and struggling just to have a warm roof over their heads and food....not to mention medications, etc. It's not pretty.

Please get the knowledge you need and find out. If you are worried about what this will do to your marriage.......think about what it will do if you don't do anything. Imo, I think it will just "fester" and rightfully so. If my husband turned from me, knowing this was causing me distress and didn't even care about my feelings in this matter....... you know what...... would hit the fan!

You have been given such excellent advice by women who care and have seen what happens when you ignore your gut feelings. That feeling of hurt and disappointment is there for a reason. Trust your instincts and good luck!

jackthebear · ‎03-11-2010

I do believe the current practice for a pre-nup is for both parties is the each person's lawyer review the document before it is signed. This certainly didn't happen here.

Group 5 minus 1 · ‎03-11-2010

gameon: yes life will go on but could be difficult w/o any money.

'cuz every girl's crazy 'bout a sharp dressed man

Ms X · ‎09-13-2012

If something happened to OP's husband (which I assume means death), the prenup would not come into play at all. There's no indication that this couple is headed for divorce. In fact, they are drawing up papers with the assumption that they will spend the rest of their lives together! It is one thing for OP to get some expert advice on the QT about what's in that agreement. It is quite another for her to become panicked and paranoid about what will happen to her in the future as a result of that prenup of 25 years ago.

A lawyer's office would presumably know how to get a copy of it for her, as it must be formally filed somewhere in order to be official. At least that's what I assume is the case. Before she goes ballistic on her husband, she should have it looked at and calmly consider what she finds out is in it. The lawyer could also probably advise what she might do to remedy anything in that when she is drawing up these new documents, but, again, the prenup only comes into play in the event of divorce, which is not under consideration here. Quite the opposite.

kitty60 · ‎03-13-2010

Annabellle, I agree with your post. Although my husband and I have been married over 40 years we are very specific in our wills/trusts. We have seen parents who have remarried and in the end their own children have been left with nothing while the steps get it all. Fortunately we have a unique relationship. Years ago we split all our assets, we share some joint items but the remainder we enjoy as we each see fit and we can each share our unique interests with the other. We have been fortunate to be able to do this. Having only one child it is a bit easier when it comes to succession although now we have taken into account putting in trust for grandchildren as we wouldn't want our assets passed to our son and something happening where they are left out. There is no way to plan for every situation. In the end we want to see the other taken care of when one passes and then our descendents sharing what we have been able to accumluate;

KarenQVC · ‎05-13-2010

Given the behavior of this husband, it is not paranoid to assume the worst--he plans to leave everything to his children and leave his wife out in the cold. She should know this before she perhaps nurses him through illness and death. How will she feel if she finds out the worst AFTER his death? Really, if this is the case, I would divorce him ASAP.

Group 5 minus 1 · ‎03-11-2010

Some how I get the feeling that the op has no one to turn to. There are Womens's Centers that could help her and explain the muck and mire of all this. They also might be able to provide an attorney pro bono.

'cuz every girl's crazy 'bout a sharp dressed man

jubilant · ‎06-10-2010

@Ms X wrote:
If something happened to OP's husband (which I assume means death), the prenup would not come into play at all. There's no indication that this couple is headed for divorce. In fact, they are drawing up papers with the assumption that they will spend the rest of their lives together! It is one thing for OP to get some expert advice on the QT about what's in that agreement. It is quite another for her to become panicked and paranoid about what will happen to her in the future as a result of that prenup of 25 years ago.

A lawyer's office would presumably know how to get a copy of it for her, as it must be formally filed somewhere in order to be official. At least that's what I assume is the case. Before she goes ballistic on her husband, she should have it looked at and calmly consider what she finds out is in it. The lawyer could also probably advise what she might do to remedy anything in that when she is drawing up these new documents, but, again, the prenup only comes into play in the event of divorce, which is not under consideration here. Quite the opposite.

************ I think many of us do get the fact that she isn't planning (or, at least it doesn't appear she is) on taking any sudden major steps such as leaving or a divorce. However, in continuing to plan their future together, she has every right to discuss what she is feeling and how his walking away from her felt. That is how one begins to resolve problems in a marriage....including this one. Just to leave someone hanging like this is rude and disrespectful. Even though she should not jump to conclusions and should not assume anything....she has a right to know why he turned and walked away and wouldn't discuss it. To me, if they have been married all these years and want to continue being joined together.....why wouldn't you discuss it?

By the time you have devoted that many years to each other....shouldn't these matters be pretty much an "open book" between the two of you???? That is how trust occurs.