Among Friends

[Annabellethecat66]

When my husband died two of my three daughters were already married.

I have one daughter who's 35 and is not married.  She has always known that when she gets married her husband will need to sign a pre-nup.

It doesn't have anything to do with trusting him.  It is because my late husband worked hard for every thing he left.  I want to make sure it goes to his 3 daughers and grandchildren.

I had a will made up when he died that when I die everything will go to the three daughters.  If they are still married and something happens to them it will go to my grandchildren when they turn 18 years old.

I love my son-in-laws but if they remarried they and their new wife would end up with the money my late husband worked very hard to get.

You'd feel that way too if you lived in our family.  My mother was married 6 times (lX to my Dad, 2X's to my step-dad and 3X's to my other step dad).  My sisters have all been married and divorced at least 2 times.

When my Dad died when I was 16 because he never changed his will everything went to his mother who was dead then it went to her children (2 of whom were dead) bottom line my Uncle whom everyone hated got all of the money!

See why I believe in pre-nups.  I understand every family is different.  You need to settle this as it will cause maritial strife.  Money as they say, is the root of all evils!  Ha!

If someone gets married for the right reasons they shouldn't worry about this.  The law says in Va anyway that 1/2 of everything achieved in the marriage will be divided in 1/2 if they get a divorce.  That makes sense to me.

[game-on]

To the OP.... I wish I could give you a big ((hug))..... you are hurt and you are making some big decisions.... and you are living with some decisions from the past....

Please remember we can never go backwards.... we all made decisions that affect us now... good ones and bad ones.... some of us have spouses that will talk to us, some of us dont..... we have a decision to make....

We have to decide if we can accept that we are human.... and we cannot change the past and we cannot control the future.... we have only this moment.... we can only do the best we know how....

Life will go on no matter what that prenup says.... please just take care of yourself....

[culebra]

Usually there is a statue of limitations on pre nuptual agreements.  After you have been married 25 years it should be invalid.  I would see a lawyer about this issue asap.   I am sure you have a happy marriage, but you should also take care of yourself in the event.

[qbetzforreal]

A pre-nup is not the same thing as a Will.  Pre-nup spells out specifically what a person gets if a marriage ends in divorce. 

[qbetzforreal]

Inheiritance

---

@Annabellethecat66 wrote:

When my husband died two of my three daughters were already married.

I have one daughter who's 35 and is not married.  She has always known that when she gets married her husband will need to sign a pre-nup.

It doesn't have anything to do with trusting him.  It is because my late husband worked hard for every thing he left.  I want to make sure it goes to his 3 daughers and grandchildren.

I had a will made up when he died that when I die everything will go to the three daughters.  If they are still married and something happens to them it will go to my grandchildren when they turn 18 years old.

I love my son-in-laws but if they remarried they and their new wife would end up with the money my late husband worked very hard to get.

You'd feel that way too if you lived in our family.  My mother was married 6 times (lX to my Dad, 2X's to my step-dad and 3X's to my other step dad).  My sisters have all been married and divorced at least 2 times.

When my Dad died when I was 16 because he never changed his will everything went to his mother who was dead then it went to her children (2 of whom were dead) bottom line my Uncle whom everyone hated got all of the money!

See why I believe in pre-nups.  I understand every family is different.  You need to settle this as it will cause maritial strife.  Money as they say, is the root of all evils!  Ha!

If someone gets married for the right reasons they shouldn't worry about this.  The law says in Va anyway that 1/2 of everything achieved in the marriage will be divided in 1/2 if they get a divorce.  That makes sense to me.

---

Inheiritance cannot be considered as a marital asset. 

[Annabellethecat66]

I agree that the OP should get a lawyer that specilzes in exactly whatever your problem is (I still don't understand this).

[NYC Susan]

---

@Pook wrote:

A male friend of mine is getting married and he was previously married with 2 children.  We talked about prenups. There were several of us there and I brought up this scenario and all 4 of the men there said that no matter how great the marriage seems they would be suspicious if their wife wanted the prenup voided and would not do it and the more she kept at them it would bring them to think the marriage is not as good and stable as they thought.  

I still think that unless after all these years OP would be left with nearly nothing if something happened to her husband then I would let sleeping dogs lie and not cause an unnecessary rift in an otherwise good marriage.

---

I agree.  If anyone feels that a pre-nup is going to be a problem down the road, then they shouldn't sign it to begin with.  It's not advisable to sign a legal document with the expectation that it will ever be voided or over-turned.  The presumption in law is that this is what the parties have agreed to, and the matter has reached a final resolution. One of the benefits of a prenup is that no further discussion is expected or needed.  Everyone has a clear understanding, and the marriage take place and moves forward.

OP, I understand how you feel.  But probably in your husband's mind this is something that was already agreed to years ago, over and done.  Your unwillingness to honor it as this point probably seems unreasonable to him.  I don't see his insistence on wanting you to honor a document that you signed as a trust issue at all.  He's likely not happy that you're looking to un-do something that you agreed to, and he had every right to expect that the issue had been put to rest.  If his desire was to protect his children and provide for them financially, I don't see anything wrong with that, and apparently you didn't either when you agreed with those terms.  To me, it has nothing to do with not caring about you, and nothing to do with trust.

[NYC Susan]

---

@Plaid Pants2 wrote:

---

@jackkeepoo wrote:

No, I do not have a copy of the pre-nup.

---

That's weird.

Whenever a contract is drawn up and signed, (and a pre-nup is a contract) both parties get a copy of the contract.

That you don't have a copy of the pre-nup is just plain weird.

---

No one should ever sign anything without getting a copy of it.  Even things far less important than this.  If you don't have your own copy, you're in the dark as to what you signed, and there's also no way to know if the other party (or anyone else involved)  has altered their own copy.

I'm not saying that the OP's husband would do this!   I'm just pointing out why it's important to have a copy of every single thing that we sign, both big things and small.

[NYC Susan]

---

@culebra wrote:

Usually there is a statue of limitations on pre nuptual agreements.  After you have been married 25 years it should be invalid.  I would see a lawyer about this issue asap.   I am sure you have a happy marriage, but you should also take care of yourself in the event.

---

This is incorrect.  It's wrong to assume that a prenup is invalid after 25 years of marriage.   It depends on the laws of each state and it depends on the terms that the couple has agreed on.  Changes in life circumstances may put limitations on a prenup in one state, but not another.  It's not a one-size-fits-all situation, and in many states there is no statute of limitations at all unless the couple chooses to include it.  The OP's prenup very likely could have no expiration.  That's pretty common no matter how long the couple has been married.

She needs to get a copy of her prenup to see exactly what it is that she agreed to.  It may not be as she imagines it to be, so she might end up feeling a whole lot better.  Or not.  But in any case, this is something she should have known years ago and it's certainly not too late now.

eta:  I do agree about seeing an attorney.  It's hard to know what to be upset about and what to have peace of mind about when she apparently has no knowledge at all about what's in the prenup, his will, or anything else.  

[sunshine45]

at this stage of the game i would definitely be more worried about what is in the will and in the medical directives than what was in the prenuptial agreement.  i am also curious to know if the op has a good relationship with his children?