25 year old Pre-Nuptial agreement....

sarahpanda · ‎03-11-2010

When we married years ago, my future husband insisted on us doing a pre-nup agreement, stating it was because of a previous bad marriage & business reasons. I agreed but now at this point in our marriage, we are working on 'end of life' papers/ wills, etc. and I saw listed on the papers 'pre-nuptial and post nuptial' agreement information...I asked my husband to get rid of the pre-nuptial and he conveniently leaves the room to do something else. It crushes me to think that he feels it necessary to keep this paper in place, after all this time. I have NEVER done a thing to make him feel he couldn't trust me - or that I didn't have his best interest at heart. What are your thoughts, as I sit here and sniff?

queendiva · ‎03-12-2010

Don't sit and sniffle. He insisted on it 25 years ago, and you complied. Now it's time for you to insist that the pre and/or post nup papers go. Allow DH to express why he wanted it then and especially why he wants it now. Then tell him you want it gone.

Pook · ‎03-20-2010

Not knowing what these say, can't comment on it. How could a prenup hurt if you are not planning on leaving him? A post nup could protect any children he might have had previously among other things. How much does either matter in the event of his death. Is it worth it to fuss over it or is there a huge something to gain (and is it worth it to cause a rift no matter how little in your relationshipt) by getting rid of them? Only you can decide.

jlkz · ‎12-02-2013

@sarahpanda

@queendiva wrote:
Don't sit and sniffle. He insisted on it 25 years ago, and you complied. Now it's time for you to insist that the pre and/or post nup papers go. Allow DH to express why he wanted it then and especially why he wants it now. Then tell him you want it gone.

Advice: get a lawyer who specializes in this matter ( call local Bar Assn. for references ) to see what your options are, especially if he continues to ignore or actually denies your request.

In my mind, his walking out of the room " conveniently " is a form of covert aggression. After 25 years, you are owed some courtesy!!!

We make a living by what we get. We make a life by what we give.
Sir Winston Churchill

sarahpanda · ‎03-11-2010

I just get the feeling that with him feeling the need to keep the pre-nup active, he must not love me enough to trust me ! We are elderly and never fight....but this is a definite point of contention. Just hurts me.

Mominohio · ‎08-08-2010

@jlkz wrote:
@sarahpanda
@queendiva wrote:
Don't sit and sniffle. He insisted on it 25 years ago, and you complied. Now it's time for you to insist that the pre and/or post nup papers go. Allow DH to express why he wanted it then and especially why he wants it now. Then tell him you want it gone.
Advice: get a lawyer who specializes in this matter ( call local Bar Assn. for references ) to see what your options are, especially if he continues to ignore or actually denies your request.

In my mind, his walking out of the room " conveniently " is a form of covert aggression. After 25 years, you are owed some courtesy!!!

Maybe it's just me, as I've never actually dealt with anything like this personally, but if you sign one of these, and know going in to the marriage what it says and means, what makes you think he would change it.

I'll agree, that you might hope he would, after many years of a 'good' marriage and relationship. You might hope that at the time, he was just covering his behind after a bad and failed marriage, but in reality, there might have been more behind him insisting. He may have unknown (to you) reasons, or extreme trust issues that still exist, and he isn't going to reveal himself totally to you, even now.

And not knowing what all it contains, does make it hard to comment specifically on it or about it, but in general, when one signs a prenuptial agreement, they really should never expect it to be changed. Especially if the person who insisted has children (or other interests) who's inheritance will be protected by it.

For myself personally, I'd never sign one that I didn't think beneficial or protective to both parties, and my goal would be to not marry someone where one is needed at all.

Desertdi · ‎03-13-2010

I think he intends to "take it with him"

♥Surface of the Sun♥

Eileen in Virginia · ‎08-25-2010

You say you're working on end of life documents, so what does your attorney say about the impact of the pre-nup on the end of life documents? Obviously, it's impossible to be specific without knowing the terms of the pre-nup, but it seems as though the pre-nup would place limitations on the standard will that's usually excecuted for each member of a married couple. Marriage is a 2-way street, especially a longterm marriage. After 25 years, he should be able to admit that you're not the gold digger he deemed his ex-wife to be. If he can't, then stop sniffling and set up your will to provide for your interests (i.e., a shelter, the SPCA or any other worthy person or organization you like). He doesn't have to be present when you discuss your will with your attorney - it can be confidential. Setting aside "What did you expect?" reactions, you've got to Think about how you'll support yourself and your quality of life if he predeceases you. Will you inherit your house? If so, will you have enough income to maintain it and support yourself in a reasonably comfortable manner? He may have made other plans to provide for you, but you need to know what they are (so you know which applications to complete when he dies). Beyond the hurt feelings that the pre-nup has caused at this point in your marriage, you need to feel secure. He should be able to understand this, since the initial reason for the pre-nup was his sense of security after his failed first marriage. Good luck!

Group 5 minus 1 · ‎03-11-2010

I think you can also do something about your pre-nup. Why do you want it dissolved and why do you think he is being so difficult? I'm very confused. We have a pre-nup and also end of life documents. Wills also.

My reason for wanting a pre-nup 21 years ago was so my children would be ok. Today i frequently ask them do you want this or that and they usually say no.

When Mom passed she left me a little money and we both agreed that that money would be used for emergencies.

But ya gotta talk to an attorney!!!!