topic Re: Cemetary visits in Garden

Cemetary visits

ennui1 — Sat, 19 Apr 2014 03:41:04 GMT

I wasn't sure where to put this ... so, In the Garden (Garden of Stone).

We have a family friend who passed away recently that I go to visit every six weeks or so (for anyone paying attention, no, it's not my mother). The cemetery staff cleans everything away weekly, and they are kind of strict. I'd like inexpensive suggestions on what to take and leave.

I noticed most people leave potted plants. I feel sad for the plants. Maybe cut flowers are the only way to go? I should probably just hang out in the cemetery and observe (until someone complains that I'm creepy).

ETA to add, the cemetery is really close, so I can swing by on a moment's notice. I don't always "plan" to visit.

I feel like this person is neglected, and that's not right, but not sure how to proceed.

Thank you!

Re: Cemetary visits

grandma r — Sat, 19 Apr 2014 03:48:44 GMT

So nice that you are remembering your friend. If the staff is that strict perhaps just take some cut flowers. If you purchase them from a florist, ask for water tubes. If you choose something from your garden in summer soak some paper towels in cold water, wrap around the bottom of the stems, and place the stems into a baggie. Close the baggie as much as possible, and, maybe tie a simple ribbon around them. The flowers won't last too long, but, be assured, your friend is smiling at your kindness.

Re: Cemetary visits

lovesrecess — Sat, 19 Apr 2014 03:54:19 GMT

I go every month to my mother and grandmother's graves and place beautiful bouquets of faux flowers...the cemetery leaves them there as long as they don't get destroyed by rain or wind.....sometimes the flowers are still there after a month when I change them...the cemetery encourages faux flowers especially in the hot months here in Texas...no live plants or flowers survive more than a day in the intense sun and heat. The real ones look so sad after just a couple of hours.

Am surprised they take everything away weekly but I would leave small bunches of gerbera daisies or carnations, real or faux, whenever you like. I think it is so nice of you to care this way.

Re: Cemetary visits

MarenSeattle — Sat, 19 Apr 2014 04:16:13 GMT

She was (and is) blessed to have such a good friend. This is very touching.

I agree with the others on cut flowers -- sometimes I leave just a single stem on my parents' graves. But the high heat warning is something to consider, too, if you live in such an area.

I'm sure she loves whatever you bring. :-)

Re: Cemetary visits

chessylady — Sat, 19 Apr 2014 04:34:13 GMT

My Mother did not like to visit graves. Neither do I. I can remember her without visiting her grave and without feeling guilty.

Re: Cemetary visits

JustJazzmom — Sat, 19 Apr 2014 04:41:24 GMT

Many cemeteries have rules in place as to what kind of plant material is acceptable-- faux plants vs. real. Check with the cemetery office before visiting.

Re: Cemetary visits

Desertdi — Sat, 19 Apr 2014 04:45:01 GMT

I buy flower arrangements at the thrift store. Hot and dry here.....most people decorate graves with ""faux""

Re: Cemetary visits

151949 — Sat, 19 Apr 2014 04:49:51 GMT

My parents are buried in a mausoleum(sp?) and we can't put flowers there for them - I used to plant flowers where my grandparents, great grandparents and great great are buried but we were told by the cemetery they are no longer allowed. Just allowed to place cut flowers and I'm sure they scoop them up immediately and toss them. Where my DH's family is and where he and I will be you are still allowed to plant flowers so I have a peony bush on each side of the big main monument that has the family name on it and in front of that we plant geraniums each year on Memorial day. In the fall before we leave for Fl. we go and take them out and put up the holder for a Christmas wreath then DH's cousin gets a wreath and puts it there for us after Thanksgiving.It makes me sad that I can't take anything to my parents.

Re: Cemetary visits

Snowpuppy — Sat, 19 Apr 2014 05:20:39 GMT

You are a loving and kind friend to do this.

I have a former DBF who is buried in a cemetery that has similar rules. They only allow decorations to remain for a week. His grave is out of state so when I visit I limit it to fresh flowers.

I did create a memorial on Find A Grave dot com for him. I uploaded a pic and entered some info about his military service.

Re: Cemetary visits

ROMARY — Sun, 02 Jun 2024 20:08:15 GMT

Faux flowers look the freshest/best for long periods of time. One would think that faux flowers are better for the cemetery staff/workers, too. Less work in picking up all of the wilted/dead real flowers and plants. The cemeteries around here look so beautiful at all times, it seems, because there are thousands of faux flowers at many/most of the gravesites. We have a very active nearby cemetery where entire families visit their loved ones daily. Weekends are extremely crowded with several generations and many children. It warms my heart that the parents/families include their young children and encourage them to visit and spend time at their loved ones' places of rest.

Re: Cemetary visits

cater — Sat, 19 Apr 2014 05:34:56 GMT

My sister and I go to the cemetery all the time to visit out family and friends graves. When I was a young child my Mom and Dad always took us to were our grandparents were buried. Now since so many of our family and friends are gone we get silk flowers and make up different arrangements and take them to all the different graves. We do this for every holiday including Valentines day and even Halloween. One time at Christmas we made these what are called grave blankets ( all made out of pine branches and decorated) there was so much snow we took a shovel and moved the snow so that we could lay the pine blanket down nicely.

Re: Cemetary visits

bells4me — Sat, 19 Apr 2014 06:15:54 GMT

I visit two cemeteries, one in Riverside, Ca where they allow no artificial flowers at all. The other is the small town where I live. This one allows just about anything. People cement benches down, small arbors, plant trees, shrubs, roses, statues & plenty of artificial flowers. Some look like they have been there for years. I only take fresh cut flowers when I visit gravesites.

Re: Cemetary visits

ennui1 — Sat, 19 Apr 2014 07:52:00 GMT

cater, I like the idea of a "blanket." I bet those are pretty. Right now, I just wish the cemetery would replace the sod; it doesn't appear to be thriving.

Snowpuppy, thanks for the suggestion on "find a grave." I think I've seen that for celebrities.

I'll have to check about the faux flowers -- since I haven't seen any, I suspect the cemetery doesn't allow them.

grandma r, thanks for the suggestions about cut flowers. I can just grab some roses from the garden on the day I get the urge to swing by.

Re: Cemetary visits

racerrn — Sat, 19 Apr 2014 07:56:47 GMT

Is there a place to put a bouquet of silk flowers? That way they will last and they hold up well in the weather. I put silk flowers on my parents grave.

Re: Cemetary visits

Big Sister — Sat, 19 Apr 2014 09:43:42 GMT

If you bring fresh flowers, is there a vase in place on the grave? If so, fresh flowers in water should last about one week. The cemetery will tell you what is the best day to leave the flowers. At our local cemetery the flowers are removed on the day they cut the grass in that section.

Re: Cemetary visits

Funloving — Sat, 19 Apr 2014 09:50:03 GMT

On 4/18/2014 chessylady said: My Mother did not like to visit graves. Neither do I. I can remember her without visiting her grave and without feeling guilty.

My Mom did visit graves. Now that she's gone, as is my entire birth family, I feel like it's only symbolic. Their soul is so far from the grave. That's no reason to neglect it, so my aunt goes to make sure it's well kept.

I have no guilt for feeling so strongly there's nothing about her there except a marker- so no need to visit.

Re: Cemetary visits

paShar — Sat, 19 Apr 2014 12:42:19 GMT

My mom's headstone has one of those vases that you pull up from inside. My sister and I put a silk flower arrangement in the vase every season along with some trinket. This spring she put a solar-powered hummingbird in with the flowers. At Christmas time, I take an artificial wreath on a metal tripod and put it in the ground behind the headstone - since it's winter, the cemetery doesn't mind this.

Re: Cemetary visits

jjeanne — Sat, 19 Apr 2014 12:44:43 GMT

I agree with others. I don't like faux flowers, but it is the better choice. I go to Micahels when they have sales, and buy some greenery and flowers, for the different seasons, and they look good.

Re: Cemetary visits

violann — Sat, 19 Apr 2014 12:55:24 GMT

My Irish grandma had lost her first son when he was seven, and "visiting" him was really made a sort of fun activity when I was a kid, and I'm sure those early experiences. Most of my mother's family is there. The "rules" of the cemetery are posted in strategic places and no exceptions are made. We just get used to seeing displays come and go. Philosophically and spiritually, I also believe that a released soul goes where he or she needs to be, and does not dwell in its vacated remains.

Re: Cemetary visits

GCR18 — Sat, 19 Apr 2014 14:24:29 GMT

As kids, my father brought us to the cemetery to visit the family plot. We are comfortable going. People plant small shrubs and flowers. Can you plant something? If not, I think I'd go with a fresh cut flower.