topic Re: Suggestions Needed!!! in Among Friends

Suggestions Needed!!!

HouseMouse — Sat, 03 Sep 2016 19:28:53 GMT

Hi. My elderly father has not got anyone that can help make sure he gets out of the house (three steps) and back in safely.

He also actually needs someone to even help him out of the car at any appointments he goes to.

I have a back injury and really I am not much help in these ways at all. I help with everything else as much as possible.

We do not have any family or relatives in town or nearby at all. All of his good buddies have died not that they would have been in shape anyway to help

My father uses a walker and can barely get around the house. It is just such an ordeal when he has to go out to any appointment. He gets his hair cut now at his house.

He does not really leave the house anymore unless he has an appointment due to the difficulty of it.

We dont belong to a Church. There are not really neighbors he knows that well anymore, they have died or moved.

There just seems to be no place to turn!!!

Senior Center is only available for getting a ride on a few days, not the days he needs them. He has not used before at this point.

Transportation companies, the drivers do not get out of the van!!

Is there anything at all anyone can suggest???

I have wished he would move to assisted living but he is a stubborn person and refuses at this point to do this.

Thank you for reading!

Re: Suggestions Needed!!!

m0rgan — Sat, 03 Sep 2016 19:34:53 GMT

How about Uber and tell them of your father's requirements. Maybe he can use the same driver all the time if he likes this person. It may take time to find the one he likes but keep at it and over time he might find someone.

Re: Suggestions Needed!!!

Vivian — Sat, 03 Sep 2016 21:08:23 GMT

Have you tried the Office of the Aging in your father's county? I discovered services I was unaware of when my mother needed help. Your father's doctor may also know about services that are available. My mother is also very stubborn and only agreed to let an aide come to her house for an hour each day. She needs more but refuses. Perhaps your father is eligble for certain services that can provide assistance. Good luck!

Re: Suggestions Needed!!!

HouseMouse — Sat, 03 Sep 2016 19:37:41 GMT

We live in a very small town and i dont think there is even Uber service here. But i dont feel he would want to do that anyways. With the walker and hard to get around and in and out of places lol.

Re: Suggestions Needed!!!

Zhills — Sat, 03 Sep 2016 19:49:58 GMT

Do you have taxi service? My neighbor used a taxi to go grocery shopping every day and they knew him and always took his groceries in the house for him. I'm sure they picked them up at the store also. Small towns have advantages sometimes.

Re: Suggestions Needed!!!

kivah — Sat, 03 Sep 2016 19:55:38 GMT

Ask his doctor(s); call the local hospitals - to see if they can recommend someone to help him -- either a volunteer or someone you could pay. I belong to SCAN (thru Medicare) and if I needed to go to a medical appointment, I can call a cab (free to me).

Re: Suggestions Needed!!!

software — Sat, 03 Sep 2016 19:57:15 GMT

You said the operative word - stubborn. Since he is not able to be totally independent, he will have to adjust his lifestyle to conform to those who can assist him.

It's a passage. It will happen to all of us unless we get hit by a bus at a young age. If you can afford it, you may be able to pay for a part time companion. Someone experienced with those who need assistance for the days he needs to go out. A social worker can help you find the services you need. Most facilities have a social worker on staff. Start by asking at his doctors office. They deal with the elderly, you won't be the first to ask.

And just because you don't have a church family, doesn't mean a local church can't help. If his barber comes to his house to cut his hair, they would know people to help. It's the start of a network of people he should develop.

@HouseMouse wrote:
Hi. My elderly father has not got anyone that can help make sure he gets out of the house (three steps) and back in safely.
He also actually needs someone to even help him out of the car at any appointments he goes to.
I have a back injury and really I am not much help in these ways at all. I help with everything else as much as possible.

We do not have any family or relatives in town or nearby at all. All of his good buddies have died not that they would have been in shape anyway to help

My father uses a walker and can barely get around the house. It is just such an ordeal when he has to go out to any appointment. He gets his hair cut now at his house.

He does not really leave the house anymore unless he has an appointment due to the difficulty of it.

We dont belong to a Church. There are not really neighbors he knows that well anymore, they have died or moved.

There just seems to be no place to turn!!!

Senior Center is only available for getting a ride on a few days, not the days he needs them. He has not used before at this point.

Transportation companies, the drivers do not get out of the van!!

Is there anything at all anyone can suggest???

I have wished he would move to assisted living but he is a stubborn person and refuses at this point to do this.

Thank you for reading!

Re: Suggestions Needed!!!

SXMGirl — Sat, 03 Sep 2016 20:03:46 GMT

Check back with your Senior Center because they usually have a list of vendors to do all sorts of things. These vendors understand that they are working with senior citizens of all ages and temperments. Your Senior Center probably has a newsletter and vendors and others who would like to earn some extra money will advertise their services. If there is such a newsletter, you could also put in an ad and describe your dad and his needs just like you did here.

Re: Suggestions Needed!!!

Mom2Dogs — Sat, 03 Sep 2016 20:04:25 GMT

@HouseMouse....this is a difficult situation.....I do not see an uber driver doing anything but driving him to his appointments, not with assisting him inside the office, which is what it sounds like he really needs...

all I can think of is a home health person that is only hired to help to and from appointments, they would assist him with the walk to the office and back.

Possibly you could also go along to his appointments but the health aide would do the 'work'.

Re: Suggestions Needed!!!

Leeny — Sat, 03 Sep 2016 20:07:10 GMT

I know you say he is stubborn, so was my mom. She should have been in assisted living and didn't think she needed it and wouldn't go. Now she is in a nursing home due to falling. I think his doctor should be helping you with this. I know that is what it took to get my mom into a nursing home as she wasn't eligible for assisted lving after she became so weak and unable to take care of herself. I hope you the best of luck.

Re: Suggestions Needed!!!

Abrowneyegirl — Sat, 03 Sep 2016 20:29:10 GMT

Hire someone to help him.

It will much less expensive than assisted living.

Make arrangements to hire someone 1 or 2 days a month to help him during outings and appointments.

Then make all his appointments for those days.

As long as you guarantee a minimum monthly 'retainer' to person you hire everyone can be very happy with the arrangement.

The problem is when you expect to get people willy nilly to be available to help you out. When you have a 'strong assistant' on retainer it will give you options and flexibility.

Re: Suggestions Needed!!!

Ms X — Sat, 03 Sep 2016 20:30:19 GMT

Does the hospital have a social worker on staff who could assist? Maybe he could visit an assisted-living facility on a day when they have some kind of lunch or gathering of all the residents. If he visited for a while, he might be able to gauge whether he'd feel comfortable there.

Re: Suggestions Needed!!!

Stray — Sat, 03 Sep 2016 20:41:15 GMT

Every state, county and town is different but contact the dept of aging in your State or County. Also, in your town in the municipal center, you may have a health department and usually there is a nurse. She can help you if you have that set up; my husband was recently quite ill and the driver in the family, our town nurse gave me referrals to assist with needs including transportation ....however, I used Uber as I have no impairments. Uber made it clear that insurance does not cover their drivers assisting passengers. When my husband was discharged, my niece took us home as many Uber cars are SUVs and he could not step up and as said, drivers are not supposed to assist.

Re: Suggestions Needed!!!

chrystaltree — Sat, 03 Sep 2016 20:45:13 GMT

If he won't go into assisted living, hire someone to come in twice a week. That person can clean the house, go grocery shopping for him and accompany him to his doctors appointments. It will be up to him to make his appointments on days when his helper works. Which shouldn't be difficult. A great many elderly people do this whether they have family and friends or not. Most don't want be a burden to family and friends. They like their independance. Uber and Lyft are another option although, I don't think you get to choose your driver when you use those car services and many of the drivers drive Suv's which probably will not work for your father with his mobility issues.

Re: Suggestions Needed!!!

Azcowgirl — Sat, 03 Sep 2016 21:08:32 GMT

You said your area is very small so you may not have a visiting angels senior home care service near enough to you. They were wonderful in my Dads situation. They would pick him up and take him to appointments and grocery shopping, help him with meal prep, and they customize the level of assistance according to the need of each individual. They were lifesavers in our situation as I lived several states away from my Dad . Best of luck to you in finding a good set up for your Dad.

Re: Suggestions Needed!!!

henderson — Sun, 04 Sep 2016 00:32:51 GMT

When my mom who was 96 at the time was hospitalized for a serious illness, my sister hired a home health care aide who would even prepare meals, clean out her refrigerator, and do some light housework, also drove her to the dr. There is a minimum number of hours per day that you must pay.

Re: Suggestions Needed!!!

151949 — Sun, 04 Sep 2016 00:40:34 GMT

It sounds like time for him to go to assisted living.

Re: Suggestions Needed!!!

homedecor1 — Sun, 04 Sep 2016 01:30:54 GMT

@HouseMouse

Not sure where you live but just recently I had to contact a organization called "visiting Angels" for a 96 elderly stubborn gentlemen who I "confronted" because I saw him driving on the wrong side of the street onto the sidewalk. Let's just say there is "nothing" pleasant about him & I didn't want to get involved, but, he shared he has to drive no one to take him😳

I would do a search for home health aide (or your hospital affiliation). I know it's $20/hr with a minimum of 3 hours but for peace of mind maybe worth it.

Re: Suggestions Needed!!!

Moonchilde — Sun, 04 Sep 2016 01:51:09 GMT

@Mom2Dogs wrote:
@HouseMouse....this is a difficult situation.....I do not see an uber driver doing anything but driving him to his appointments, not with assisting him inside the office, which is what it sounds like he really needs...

all I can think of is a home health person that is only hired to help to and from appointments, they would assist him with the walk to the office and back.

Possibly you could also go along to his appointments but the health aide would do the 'work'.

Uber drivers do nothing but pick up and drop off. They will not come to your door or take you up steps. I used uber once after an outpatient surgical procedure.

I also used a local service that specialized in giving seniors rides to wherever they wanted to go. But they too would do nothing more than drive, and cost more than double what Uber charged.

Since the OP lives in a small town, my only suggestion is to hire a home help person with good driving record and good insurance at an hourly wage for the comings and goings, who could get him to/from the car, bring in some groceries, take him to a McDonald's, the park, etc.

If he qualifies for any type of Medicaid, or would qualify if applied for, this is often paid for.

Re: Suggestions Needed!!!

libbyannE — Sun, 04 Sep 2016 03:34:52 GMT

Have you considered hiring a service designed to keep the elderly in their own homes? We did that for my father and stepmother. We started with a few hours here and there. Little by little, we keep adding more hours because we know that they get better, more personal care thus way than they would in even the best nursing home. I order groceries and deli meals to be delivered to them, and we fill in with meals on wheels.