topic Re: A wedding question in Among Friends

A wedding question

panda1234 — Wed, 31 Aug 2016 12:26:41 GMT

My son is getting married and to my surprise he had several of my friends on his guest list. I had no intention of inviting these people, for different reasons....nothing bad. How would you handle this? Also, he is inviting aunts we have had no contact with in over three years, this feels awkward. Again, nothing bad with them, just not a close family.

Re: A wedding question

MsLomo — Wed, 31 Aug 2016 12:38:03 GMT

Interesting question. My reaction is that it's your call regarding whether your friends should be invited (unless he developed his own friendships with them, in which case it's up to him), and it's his call regarding inviting his aunts.

Re: A wedding question

forest4thetrees — Wed, 31 Aug 2016 12:39:26 GMT

He is wildly exuberantly passionately in love....found the one person on the whole planet he wishes to spend the rest of his life with!! What joy! He'd invite the entire world if he could..just so all can be part of his great happiness. I can relate.

However, if you feel that some of the names on his list are making you squirm (for whatever reasons there might be) then just sit down and discuss it with him--not necessarily the blow-by-blow; just ask "Johnny, why did you list Mary Lou Smith (or Aunt Grizelda, or whomever)." Come to a happy medium. If he has a reason ("I remember she.....") then let the invitation go out. If he says "I thought you'd like to see....." then discuss removing them from the list. Or just let him invite the planet and put the choice to attend/miss on the invitee.

No matter who attends, or doesn't attend, the end result will still be the same. At the end of the day he and the woman of his dreams will have a lovely memory to the start of their lives together.

Re: A wedding question

vermint — Wed, 31 Aug 2016 12:42:28 GMT

@panda1234 Maybe ask him why he wants these people to be invited?

I wish one of my aunts had felt like you do...I received an invitation to her grandaughter's wedding---clear across the country, no less--and I've never met this girl OR her mother (my cousin)! We're not a close family either.

Re: A wedding question

Nuttmeg — Wed, 31 Aug 2016 12:44:36 GMT

Please do not make a big deal about the guest list.

Re: A wedding question

2blonde — Wed, 31 Aug 2016 13:08:59 GMT

OP, please don't get offended by this, but do you think that maybe the potential for gifting has anything to do with the long list? Just a thought.

Re: A wedding question

Kitlynn — Wed, 31 Aug 2016 13:34:40 GMT

I would just casually ask him about the people he has invited and find out if he is doing it because he really cares or if he is just trying to be nice to include your friends and family. If he is doing it because he wants them invited then just go with it. If he is doing it to make you feel good then let him know nicely that it is not important to you that these people get invitations.

Re: A wedding question

bargainsgirl — Wed, 31 Aug 2016 13:36:30 GMT

IMO you invite people who are ACTIVELY involved in your life. We eliminated many friends/relatives for our daughters wedding simply because we seldom see these people. Has nothing to do with how we feel about them. Remember too (at least in our case) we had a buget to follow and 50 extra people becomes VERY costly. If people feel offended then they have to deal with it. I recall being invited to my cousin's daughter's wedding (had't seen her in at least 8 years) and really didn't know a thing about her or her finance. There were 300 people at this wedding. Not my idea of a true and heartfelt celebration.

Re: A wedding question

BLH — Wed, 31 Aug 2016 13:41:12 GMT

I agree with the original poster. I would certainly say something to him. I have two sons, both married and I worried that people would think they were only inviting them to get a gift. I'm surprised that your son didn't check with you first. Both of my sons asked me if they should invite certain people and I told them no and they didn't invite them.

Re: A wedding question

Plaid Pants2 — Wed, 31 Aug 2016 13:52:10 GMT

It's his wedding. He gets to decide to invite whomever he wants.

Re: A wedding question

moto — Wed, 31 Aug 2016 14:25:21 GMT

How old is your son? It may be due to conversations with his fiancée that these names ended up on the list.

I agree, if the list is still being edited, ask him why. If it is a done deal, say nothing, let it go.

I had a similar experience where my son added the parents of some of his groomsmen to the his guest list. I did ask him why, and let him know this one couple was someone I would never have included.

He said he thought he was obligated to add them.
I let him know there was no such obligation.

Re: A wedding question

Sooner — Wed, 31 Aug 2016 14:41:40 GMT

Tell him you would rather he NOT invite these people and why. I'd guess he and the bride or her family were setting down making lists and he just started adding people he could think of.

No, he shouldn't invite people who make you uncomfortable unless there is a VERY good reason. Talk to him about it.

Re: A wedding question

aggravated — Wed, 31 Aug 2016 14:54:26 GMT

You don't want him to invite his friends? Isn't that supposed to be part of his wedding?

Sorry, I see now that these are YOUR friends you had no intention of inviting - not his. Apologies.

Re: A wedding question

Plaid Pants2 — Wed, 31 Aug 2016 14:53:19 GMT

@aggravated wrote:
You don't want him to invite his friends? Isn't that supposed to be part of his wedding?

I know, right?

I mean, it's the SON'S wedding, and NOT the o/p's. Sorry, but the parents DON'T get to dictate what or who is in the wedding. ALL decisions should be made by the couple getting married, and NOBODY else.

Re: A wedding question

Sooner — Wed, 31 Aug 2016 14:57:25 GMT

@Plaid Pants2 wrote:
@aggravated wrote:
You don't want him to invite his friends? Isn't that supposed to be part of his wedding?

I know, right?

I mean, it's the SON'S wedding, and NOT the o/p's. Sorry, but the parents DON'T get to dictate what or who is in the wedding. ALL decisions should be made by the couple getting married, and NOBODY else.

I'd think it would be nice of the couple to check with their immediate family about the list. I mean after all if they can't discuss this in a polite way respective of everyone's feelings how will they handle future gatherings and holidays? To me, it seems the perfect way to get used to working these issues out in a peaceful way. No harm. Maybe there are people their family would RATHER be invited than some already on the list, and maybe there are people who were forgotten and SHOULD be on the list.

Re: A wedding question

ChynnaBlue — Wed, 31 Aug 2016 15:05:38 GMT

@MsLomo wrote:
Interesting question. My reaction is that it's your call regarding whether your friends should be invited (unless he developed his own friendships with them, in which case it's up to him), and it's his call regarding inviting his aunts.

His wedding, his and his bride's call on every person on the list.

But I would ask him why he's inviting them. He might be inviting them for you or because he feels obligated, in which case you can tell him that he doesn't need to invite them for you and then see what he does.

Re: A wedding question

Lucky Charm — Wed, 31 Aug 2016 15:11:23 GMT

@Plaid Pants2 wrote:
@aggravated wrote:
You don't want him to invite his friends? Isn't that supposed to be part of his wedding?

I know, right?

I mean, it's the SON'S wedding, and NOT the o/p's. Sorry, but the parents DON'T get to dictate what or who is in the wedding. ALL decisions should be made by the couple getting married, and NOBODY else.

Key word = his friends.

These are the poster's friends, not the son's friends.

She's not dictating to him to not invite his own friends.

Re: A wedding question

chrystaltree — Wed, 31 Aug 2016 15:24:10 GMT

Do you know your son well...? Do you ever talk to each other? If you can answer yes to either question. You convey this information to him. "I see that Susie and Mimsey are on the guest list, I am not close to either of them now, so there is no reason to invite them to your wedding". As for family members, it's his wedding and they are his relatives too, if he wants to invite them, why would you object??? Why do you feel awkward?

Re: A wedding question

Sooner — Wed, 31 Aug 2016 16:09:02 GMT

@chrystaltree wrote:
Do you know your son well...? Do you ever talk to each other? If you can answer yes to either question. You convey this information to him. "I see that Susie and Mimsey are on the guest list, I am not close to either of them now, so there is no reason to invite them to your wedding". As for family members, it's his wedding and they are his relatives too, if he wants to invite them, why would you object??? Why do you feel awkward?

Judging from the above red-highlighted text, you do not "enjoy" the same type of family some people have. . . . Otherwise that would not be a question for you. . . LOL!

Re: A wedding question

Plaid Pants2 — Wed, 31 Aug 2016 16:24:29 GMT

@chrystaltree wrote:
Do you know your son well...? Do you ever talk to each other? If you can answer yes to either question. You convey this information to him. "I see that Susie and Mimsey are on the guest list, I am not close to either of them now, so there is no reason to invite them to your wedding". As for family members, it's his wedding and they are his relatives too, if he wants to invite them, why would you object??? Why do you feel awkward?

Agreed. Maybe he has a closer relationship with them than Mom does.