topic Re: Grrrrr.... Please don't call me " lovie or sweetie. in Among Friends

Grrrrr.... Please don't call me " lovie or sweetie.

pggoody — Tue, 16 Aug 2016 00:45:09 GMT

I don't like it when a store clerk calls me sweetie or " cute" names. Leaving Costco today the woman at the door called me " lovie" and told me to ve sure to drink lots of water. I felt as though she was making the comment because of my age. Yes, I know I am old enough to be someone's grandmother, but I am very active, fit, dress fashionably , am told I don't look my age. I had just left the gym so had workout clothes on and very little makeup. The way she made the comment , it made me feel OLD.

Guess I am just being sensitive.😳

Re: Grrrrr.... Please don't call me " lovie or sweetie.

millieshops — Tue, 16 Aug 2016 00:49:22 GMT

@pggoodyAge may have nothing to do with it. I worked with a woman who regularly addressed many of us that way - when we were in our 30's and 40's ! I think she thought she was being friendly. I thought she was being condescending. - And that she really didn't even know our names!

I think the greeters or the checkers at Costco just need a way to feel as if they are connecting and they certainly don't know our names. I give them a pass.

Re: Grrrrr.... Please don't call me " lovie or sweetie.

viva923 — Tue, 16 Aug 2016 00:49:38 GMT

there are times being called lovey, sweetie, doesn't bother me, but at times it just grinds my jaw bone.

not sure if how the words are being said to me that irks me or if I know the people who call me these words that I don't mind.

Re: Grrrrr.... Please don't call me " lovie or sweetie.

BalletBabe — Tue, 16 Aug 2016 00:50:04 GMT

I had same problem with the girl that works at my pharmacy. Always calling me hun. She has to be 30 years younger then me. I think it is dis respectful. I understand how you feel.

Re: Grrrrr.... Please don't call me " lovie or sweetie.

bonnielu — Tue, 16 Aug 2016 00:52:29 GMT

I am just happy when I am not ignored. No name offends me as long as there is no ill intent. Younger gals call me MS Bonnie. I would rather than than Mrs. and my last name... too formal for me. Around here it is "HON, or "MAM," as well. I too am very active and am a senior, for reference.

Re: Grrrrr.... Please don't call me " lovie or sweetie.

catwhisperer — Tue, 16 Aug 2016 00:53:04 GMT

Not a big deal to me.

Re: Grrrrr.... Please don't call me " lovie or sweetie.

on the bay — Tue, 16 Aug 2016 01:05:11 GMT

I think it is just a term of endearment esp if you are from the south. If you are in "Balmore" (Baltimore) you will be called "Hon"-no matter your age.

I like it better than m'am. That always makes me feel old though I know some were raised to call every woman over 12 that!(okay I exaggerate a little

pls forgive-Hun edited to correct Hon-just to make sure we all get it right

Re: Grrrrr.... Please don't call me " lovie or sweetie.

Imadickens — Tue, 16 Aug 2016 01:00:06 GMT

Guilty as charged! I'm afraid I am another who calls others affectionate names! It's not meant to offend or be condisending, I was reared in a Southern family, we all did it! I always had pet names for my students, and as I got older I found my self doing the same with anyone with with whom I spoke. I understand some people don't like it and I'm sorry if I offend anyone, but it's second nature to me and I don't think I could stop now! As far as the water, I think she was just being nice, making chit chat. Better than telling you to go "F" yourself, which I've been told to do before!

Re: Grrrrr.... Please don't call me " lovie or sweetie.

Moonchilde — Tue, 16 Aug 2016 01:08:11 GMT

I don't like it in general, but I do take into consideration who says it, and why.

When speaking to other offices while I was working, it infuriated me to be called "hon", "honey", "sweetie", "doll" and the like by women who had no reason, judging by their accent, to be using the words genuinely cordially, i.e. not from the South.

Where I grew up, and continued to work my entire life, those words were used by women towards other women to be dismissive and demeaning, to "put someone in their (clearly unimportant) place." They were NOT ever said sincerely. Similar to "bless your heart."

But fast forward several decades, and dealing with those of other cultures, and I realized that such terms, as well as other languages' equivalent of endearments and honorifics, might sound oddly out of place to our ears, but they were meant in genuine respect and affection. Example: When I go to the Chinese massage places I am frequently referred to (at more than one) as "mama." I think it's sweet, and with the respect the East gives to age, not at all an insult. And if I was speaking to someone in an office who had a foreign accent, I gave them the benefit of the doubt on "sweetie", etc.

In the scenario you mention, the woman could have heard on the news the night before that everyone should be sure their older neighbors, etc. were okay in the heat, remind them to drink water, etc. and she was perhaps slightly inappropriate but well-meaning. That wouldn't have bothered me.

Re: Grrrrr.... Please don't call me " lovie or sweetie.

AKgirl2 — Tue, 16 Aug 2016 01:08:16 GMT

@pggoody wrote:
I don't like it when a store clerk calls me sweetie or " cute" names. Leaving Costco today the woman at the door called me " lovie" and told me to ve sure to drink lots of water. I felt as though she was making the comment because of my age. Yes, I know I am old enough to be someone's grandmother, but I am very active, fit, dress fashionably , am told I don't look my age. I had just left the gym so had workout clothes on and very little makeup. The way she made the comment , it made me feel OLD.
Guess I am just being sensitive.😳

I don't mind 'hon' or 'sweetie', never did. I do it myself! What j know I don't care for is 'mam'. Remembering vividly the first time I was addressed as 'mam' by a young grocery clerk, I was 33. I stood there kinda stupified and a bit embarrassed. Ouch...that was the first time I said 'do I look that old'! In my defense, I was a new mom and hardly getting any sleep. Good excuse😁

Re: Grrrrr.... Please don't call me " lovie or sweetie.

catwhisperer — Tue, 16 Aug 2016 01:09:11 GMT

@Moonchilde...Exactly. Well stated. I was sitting in the waiting area of a restaurant recently waiting for a to-go order. One of the wait staff said, "Have you been helped Mama?". I thought it was cute. I certainly took no offense.

Re: Grrrrr.... Please don't call me " lovie or sweetie.

tansy — Tue, 16 Aug 2016 01:09:43 GMT

There was a butcher who used to call me doll-face. I didn't like that but never called him on it. If people are being friendly and reasonably attentive, I don't mind being called "hon" or even sweetie.

It beats the B word.

Re: Grrrrr.... Please don't call me " lovie or sweetie.

Susan in California — Tue, 16 Aug 2016 01:11:47 GMT

I guess that wouldn' t bother me at all. It is not the way I address people, but that

is perfectly fine with me.

The other day, I was getting out of the passenger side of a car, and I was dressed up nicely, and a man was driving into the spot next to me. When he saw me,

he said, "No rush, no rush, take your time!" I felt sort of funny because I thought I was moving in a rather timely manner.

I was polite to him, but there was a little feeling that maybe he thought I was OLD.

Haha!

Re: Grrrrr.... Please don't call me " lovie or sweetie.

tansy — Tue, 16 Aug 2016 01:12:33 GMT

@AKgirl2 wrote:
@pggoody wrote:
I don't like it when a store clerk calls me sweetie or " cute" names. Leaving Costco today the woman at the door called me " lovie" and told me to ve sure to drink lots of water. I felt as though she was making the comment because of my age. Yes, I know I am old enough to be someone's grandmother, but I am very active, fit, dress fashionably , am told I don't look my age. I had just left the gym so had workout clothes on and very little makeup. The way she made the comment , it made me feel OLD.
Guess I am just being sensitive.😳
I don't mind 'hon' or 'sweetie', never did. I do it myself! What j know I don't care for is 'mam'. Remembering vividly the first time I was addressed as 'mam' by a young grocery clerk, I was 33. I stood there kinda stupified and a bit embarrassed. Ouch...that was the first time I said 'do I look that old'! In my defense, I was a new mom and hardly getting any sleep. Good excuse😁

Your post reminded me that I do detest being called Miss or young lady. I'm in my 60s and those terms are just plain smarmy.

@AKgirl2

Re: Grrrrr.... Please don't call me " lovie or sweetie.

catwhisperer — Tue, 16 Aug 2016 01:14:00 GMT

"Ma'am" is spoken in the Southern culture as a sign of respect.

Re: Grrrrr.... Please don't call me " lovie or sweetie.

Melania — Tue, 16 Aug 2016 01:16:04 GMT

It's much better than what they could call you.

I will never understand those who are offended by a kindness. Shrug.

Re: Grrrrr.... Please don't call me " lovie or sweetie.

Sooner — Tue, 16 Aug 2016 01:22:14 GMT

@Imadickens wrote:
Guilty as charged! I'm afraid I am another who calls others affectionate names! It's not meant to offend or be condisending, I was reared in a Southern family, we all did it! I always had pet names for my students, and as I got older I found my self doing the same with anyone with with whom I spoke. I understand some people don't like it and I'm sorry if I offend anyone, but it's second nature to me and I don't think I could stop now! As far as the water, I think she was just being nice, making chit chat. Better than telling you to go "F" yourself, which I've been told to do before!

Well, I don't know about that last statement. I am SO sick of it. I really don't mind when we are in a restaurant in the south where we love, and you get hon, and darlin and whatever. She's taking our order and food is coming and food is love and it seems ok and cozy to me. Actually I like that. It's sort of sweet in that context. She's standing right there, and that's different. We always chat with the wait staff too. . .

HOWEVER, I have recently asked several people why they called me "Miss" Name, and asked them to please not do that. Yes, I am old and probably at times someone might think I am senile for good reason, but I am not "Miss" so and so. I HATE that.

I had a PHONE OPERATOR at my insurance company call me "Miss" recently, now that's a new one on me. She was one of the ones I told please don't address me that way. That is way over the top.

Re: Grrrrr.... Please don't call me " lovie or sweetie.

Moonchilde — Tue, 16 Aug 2016 01:24:13 GMT

@catwhisperer wrote:
"Ma'am" is spoken in the Southern culture as a sign of respect.

I have not really experienced that, never having lived in the South, but ma'am has become the neutral respectful salutation pretty much everywhere, I think.

I well remember the first time I was called ma'am in the grocery store - I felt officially Old, and I wasn't 30. Another time I was called ma'am somewhere and said something like "do you have to call me ma'am?" kind of jokingly and the checker came back with "well, what should I say?", perplexed. I realized he had a point, and I never let ma'am bother me again. They have to call you something! :-)

Re: Grrrrr.... Please don't call me " lovie or sweetie.

Kardi — Tue, 16 Aug 2016 01:23:24 GMT

I don't use those terms much myself, but I have said "thank you, dear" to waitresses who are younger than me. People today are sometimes very rude and unless it is very obvious that they are being facetious, terms of endearment like "hon' or sweetie" seems preferable to rudeness.

Re: Grrrrr.... Please don't call me " lovie or sweetie.

QVCkitty1 — Tue, 16 Aug 2016 01:24:37 GMT

Just don't call me dear, it makes me feel about 100 .