topic Re: Not positive in Among Friends

Not positive

dex — Mon, 08 Aug 2016 21:31:50 GMT

i don't know what is going on but lately I can't go anywhere in my town without someone asking me for money.They need money for gas,food,bus fare and even medications for sick children who are not with them.The stores are also collecting for a number of causes.I have donated to a regular group of charities and also to a few of the people In the parking lots but I have gotten to the point where I have had enough.A lady got out of a nice vehicle at the bank and chased after me to see if I had any cigarettes.i think I am targeted more than others because I always make eye contact and smile at people but it seems everyone needs something these days.

Re: Not positive

millieshops — Mon, 08 Aug 2016 21:34:58 GMT

@dex It could be that your friendly demeanor does make you a target. Why not try to avoid eye contact and walk straight with purpose for a few days and see if you are treated the same way?

Re: Not positive

Lilysmom — Mon, 08 Aug 2016 21:47:30 GMT

It seems to be a widespread issue. We had one shopping district that was especially bad. The merchants discouraged giving directly to the panhandlers for awhile by setting up in store donation boxes where you could give. Didn't work well. I stopped going there. The odd time I do, I don't contribute. There is a strong consensus that the contributions go for alcohol and/or drug use. LM

Re: Not positive

Gram W — Mon, 08 Aug 2016 21:58:55 GMT

I have my chosen organizations. St Jude, Shriners, SPCA and occasional couple of others. I just completed my 3 yr on our cancer relay team. Next month we start planning for our 2017 events. I feel these organizations use my money wisely. The bad side is that evidently I have been put on a mailing list and I daily get multiple requests for more money. I have 4 calendars for 2017 and many occasional cards. These I package up and donate along with my magazines less than 3 months old. It appears they get money for these items. I am retired and have some mobility issues but I am totally able and willing to be responsible for myself. I live in a small town with 2 colleges. We have help wanted signs all over year round and have had for years. You will see many panhandlers at intersections coming out of numerous shopping strips. Signs usually say they are homeless and hungry. Every once in a while someone's house burns down but it was not on our news. A nicely dressed young man who is seen regularly says he is homeless and hungry. For a brief time his sign said he had gotten a job at MacDonald's and needed money for new clothes. Now he is there with his homeless sign. I could give you a long list of free thinks available in tis community. Many do not require proof of need. We still have old hippies protesting on our street corners and occasionally standing in the main streets. A friend took the young man a job application. Guess he didn't get the job as he is still there.

Re: Not positive

LTT1 — Mon, 08 Aug 2016 22:18:26 GMT

@dex@Gram W@Lilysmom@millieshops

I now have developed a "second sense" about people on the outside and how to non-verbally let them know I am aware of their presence ... for safety sake.

It is important to take in details about your suttoundings without encouraging contact.

Re: Not positive

sweetee2 — Mon, 08 Aug 2016 22:26:22 GMT

Where I live they are so dumb they all using the same line. We had a man with his son standing by our car when we came out from Walmart grocery shopping. "We're from Price and we just need gas money to get home." I was so mad I told the man "do you have any idea how many times I have heard that line?" Then I really got mad I said you should be a shamed of youself doing this in front of your Son! He just walk off. I can't believe he would use his son like that.

Re: Not positive

dex — Mon, 08 Aug 2016 22:26:30 GMT

It just makes me wonder how so many people can't make do with what they have.I grew up without much but my mom was resourceful ,single parent of two small children.My dad took off and left her with nothing but the kids...She showed him in the end though as she got a job and raised us well on very limited funds.We did get some help when people donated old clothing and my mom remade it into things for us.We also got gently used bikes from coworkers for Christmas.We loved those bikes and never felt that they should have been new.my mom made our breakfast of oatmeal every morning before school and packed our peanut butter on homemade bread sandwich for lunch.We had pressure cooker diner nearly every night because it was the fastest way to cook in those days.I think having no money was a great motivator for me to want to work hard and have an easier way of life than my mother.I also know how to stretch a dollar because I learned from the best.

Re: Not positive

Snowpuppy — Mon, 08 Aug 2016 22:37:15 GMT

Nothing direct but even up here panhandling is tolerated.

Guys stand on the corner, usually outside a sportsbar on early Friday evenings with a "unemployed family man"sign. You can usually spot what they drive, they never park far away.

Must pay, they're out there. If it didn't, they'd stop.

Re: Not positive

TeezNu — Mon, 08 Aug 2016 22:38:13 GMT

Sounds like a GREAT opportunity to practice saying "no". The more you do it, the easier it gets!

Do not change your friendly demeanor 😊

Re: Not positive

catwhisperer — Mon, 08 Aug 2016 22:43:42 GMT

I am starting to notice more and more stores in my area posting signs that read, "Say NO To Solicitors". It seems to be helping.

Re: Not positive

CatLoverDogsToo — Mon, 08 Aug 2016 22:50:18 GMT

It is illegal to panhandle where I live. It is also illegal to give money to the panhandler. I am not sure how they would actually penalize the person giving the money, but they do arrest the panhandlers. John Stossel did a segment on this for Fox Business Channel, and he followed a few panhandlers that actually make a lot of money, drive mercedes and live in very large beautiful homes. When he confronted them, they were not the least bit embarrassed.

Re: Not positive

GCR18 — Mon, 08 Aug 2016 22:53:59 GMT

I see people with signs at the end of the highway ramp by the mall. They don't approach you unless you roll down the window. In the paper it says not to give because they are frauds. I don't give since I don't know who is real or not.

Re: Not positive

Gram W — Mon, 08 Aug 2016 23:04:59 GMT

Whatnow congratulations to both your mother and you. I grew up with 2 loving parents. Dad worked for the same company for 46 years until he retired. Mom stayed at home caring for her family of 5. I never knew how much money but we never did without. My aunt's husband died and left her with 2 preschool daughters to raise on her own. We were encouraged to take good care of everything so they could be passed on. We gave up purchases to buy gifts for my cousins secret pals to give to them. We did not know we were the pals but my sister and I could keep a secret. I did learn many of the same lessons as you working at mom's side and I have beautiful memories. I wish people understood that there is no shame in asking for a hand up at anytime in your life. ****** happens when least expected and any of us could need help. I had an office job but the last 11 years I also worked nights for a major grocery store. My eyes were open to the abuses in our system by people who openly bragged about how they got away with living on SS. As a cashier I had to watch and say nothing, even help them get cash off from their EBT card to pay for alcohol and cigarettes. I also waited on people who had pride and did not want assistance. It was heart breaking to have to subtract staples from their order to bring the total down. It was common to argue with a WIC customer because law says she has to take all items listed on her check. Her kids don't drink milk, eat fresh fruit,etc. They said they would throw the food out. I said give it to a neighbor who needs it. My stress level dropped after I left there but I loved the interaction with some very nice people.

Re: Not positive

LonestarBabs — Tue, 09 Aug 2016 12:29:29 GMT

Here in DFW there is a big problem with people being approached at grocery stores or gas stations. A car full of people will drive up to you, ask if you can give them money for gas, etc. People then get too close to the vehicle and are robbed or carjacked or worse.

I had this happen at the grocery store, broad daylight, as I was putting groceries into my car. They pulled up behind my car and spoke to me. I kept my distance, said NO to their request for cash, I already had my purse secured to the cargo area of my SUV, and then pretended to see someone I knew in the parking lot and turned away from them. The car was full of unsavory characters and it was obvious they weren't on the level.

Not long after that I noticed an increase police presence in the parking lot.

BTW -- these aren't homeless people.

Re: Not positive

Chrystaltree2 — Tue, 09 Aug 2016 00:24:27 GMT

OK, I've encountered panhandlers in the city but never anything like you describe. Where the beck do you people live that you encounter that level of begging?

Re: Not positive

catwhisperer — Tue, 09 Aug 2016 00:53:01 GMT

@Chrystaltree2 wrote:
OK, I've encountered panhandlers in the city but never anything like you describe. Where the beck do you people live that you encounter that level of begging?

@Chrystaltree2.....I live in a very large county in CA where we have a large number of homeless. It's not unusual on any given day to see them standing on various street corners and medians holding signs. They are in front of grocery stores. They will approach you at gas stations, on the street, almost anywhere if they think they can get money. I have been approached many times and it can be very scary. It's happening all over the U.S.

Re: Not positive

dex — Tue, 09 Aug 2016 01:53:43 GMT

@Chrystaltree2 My son lives in Oklahoma and says he only sees people at highway of freeway entrances.He doesn't see them at stores or malls.I live in Tacoma and the problem seems to be out of control in my area.

Re: Not positive

Mominohio — Tue, 09 Aug 2016 01:57:49 GMT

@dex wrote:
It just makes me wonder how so many people can't make do with what they have.I grew up without much but my mom was resourceful ,single parent of two small children.My dad took off and left her with nothing but the kids...She showed him in the end though as she got a job and raised us well on very limited funds.We did get some help when people donated old clothing and my mom remade it into things for us.We also got gently used bikes from coworkers for Christmas.We loved those bikes and never felt that they should have been new.my mom made our breakfast of oatmeal every morning before school and packed our peanut butter on homemade bread sandwich for lunch.We had pressure cooker diner nearly every night because it was the fastest way to cook in those days.I think having no money was a great motivator for me to want to work hard and have an easier way of life than my mother.I also know how to stretch a dollar because I learned from the best.

People don't get by these days (make do with what they have or go out and earn more) because they don't have to, plain and simple.

If the government doesn't give them what they want, they know there is a world full of people that they can scam or make feel sorry for them, to get money or things they want/need. And many do both.

I have to say that I don't experience what the OP has described very often (but I know it is out there!) because we live in the country, and I don't spend much time in the city. And I like it that way. I get tired trying to sort out who is really in need and who is running a scam.

When I was a kid, everyone we knew simply worked hard and lived within their means. People in my world never thought to ask others for the things they could do for themselves, as they had pride when they had nothing else.

It's a different world today.

Re: Not positive

Mominohio — Tue, 09 Aug 2016 02:03:10 GMT

@Gram W wrote:
Whatnow congratulations to both your mother and you. I grew up with 2 loving parents. Dad worked for the same company for 46 years until he retired. Mom stayed at home caring for her family of 5. I never knew how much money but we never did without. My aunt's husband died and left her with 2 preschool daughters to raise on her own. We were encouraged to take good care of everything so they could be passed on. We gave up purchases to buy gifts for my cousins secret pals to give to them. We did not know we were the pals but my sister and I could keep a secret. I did learn many of the same lessons as you working at mom's side and I have beautiful memories. I wish people understood that there is no shame in asking for a hand up at anytime in your life. ****** happens when least expected and any of us could need help. I had an office job but the last 11 years I also worked nights for a major grocery store. My eyes were open to the abuses in our system by people who openly bragged about how they got away with living on SS. As a cashier I had to watch and say nothing, even help them get cash off from their EBT card to pay for alcohol and cigarettes. I also waited on people who had pride and did not want assistance. It was heart breaking to have to subtract staples from their order to bring the total down. It was common to argue with a WIC customer because law says she has to take all items listed on her check. Her kids don't drink milk, eat fresh fruit,etc. They said they would throw the food out. I said give it to a neighbor who needs it. My stress level dropped after I left there but I loved the interaction with some very nice people.

Working in a grocery store is a much higher stress job than many can imagine.

My mom worked in grocery stores in the 1970's, and some of the things you see either make you want to cry (watch people choose between the few things they have as they don't have enough money for everything on the belt, especially the seniors) or make you want to explode (the young couple with a cart full of food stamp purchased junk food, then hitting the lottery counter for tickets with their cash).

I couldn't do the job for more than a couple of hours.

Re: Not positive

panda1234 — Tue, 09 Aug 2016 02:14:56 GMT

@dex I have a twist on your story. I won't give all the details because this will be too long. We have a VERY busy shopping center. I noticed a 20 something guy digging through the trash cans looking for and finding food to eat. People approach him giving him money....he doesn't even have to ask. I am there several time a week and am fascinated by this. This is what I think is going on. There is a McDonalds in this area and I think he buys a few bags of fries and puts them in different cans. People come along and put their trash on top of his. He comes along digging looking for HIS bag and starts eating it. People think he is eating trash and give him money....clever.