topic Re: What would you do? in Among Friends

What would you do?

BalletBabe — Mon, 04 Jul 2016 20:11:02 GMT

My husband passed away in March from a long battle with COPD. (From smoking) Thank heavens I made him always smoke outside. He really got bad around this time last year and ended up in hospital. He was never the same after that. My neighbor across the street was always asking if there was anything he could do? I always said no but I will call if I need you.

The week he passed , he fell out of bed at 4:00 in morning. I called hospice but they took forever and so I called my neighbor. He is a big man. He picked him right up and got him back in bed. That was the start of it. My husband passed away 3 days later. THis neighbor was carrying up my trash cans for about 6 months before this. I always thanked him and told him he didn't have to.

He started coming over everyday after that. Some days twice a day. HIs wife came once. He started giving me hugs trying to console me, because I was always crying at first. He said I will knock 4 times , so you know it is me. He had to have a hug and a kiss everyday also. After about 7 weeks of this it started to irritate me. I knew no matter what I said he was going to get mad. So stupid me let it go on. I started to not answer to give him the hint. After 3 days of not answering my door , he helped himself into my backyard that is fenced in. He decided to trim my palm tree. He knocked on front door and I didn't answer. (Don't that tell you I don't want to be bothered) So I was coloring my hair and as I got out of shower , I hear my back patio door bang. He was on my patio. It scared me so bad cause I was not dressed and I never had anyone enter my property without my knowing. I got dressed as fast as I could and went out and said you scared the h--- out of me! He said I thought you were sleeping? Really I am thinking????

I started picking stuff up cause I wanted him out of my yard. (forgot that he told me he needed hugs cause his wife has arthritus so bad? AND she cannot hug him. I am thinking Really ???? He had a wheelbarrel, a big saw, and his big ladder in my yard, so that means he was there for awhile. As he was leaving he said can I have at least a hug for what I did? I said NO . I didn't ask you to do it. I called his wife the next day after talking to him and said I do not want him entering my back yard and I now have locks on the doors. He needs to call first. Now they won't even speak to me. Or look at me? I think he should have apologized to me? Am I wrong?

Re: What would you do?

BalletBabe — Mon, 04 Jul 2016 20:15:00 GMT

Forgot one thing. One day he came over and after he got a hug and a kiss, he said I can go now I got my fix. That is why I stopped answering my door.

Re: What would you do?

tedEbear — Mon, 04 Jul 2016 20:21:06 GMT

YOU definitely are NOT wrong!!!!!!!!!! It is a good thing they aren't talking to you. Stay VERY far away from him, especially. Your story ended before what I thought would be the ending. Count yourself lucky and be aware of your neighbors. ------tedEbear

I apologize in not saying I am sorry about your DH passing

Re: What would you do?

Catty2 — Mon, 04 Jul 2016 20:19:44 GMT

I think he was out of line to expect a hug and kiss. It was very nice of him to help you around the house, but he should respect that it's your house and not to enter the yard or house without your permission. Wonder if his wife knows he was expecting a hug and kiss from you every time. You did the right thing.

Re: What would you do?

Q4u — Mon, 04 Jul 2016 20:22:26 GMT

I am just floored..... and think I would have called the cops had I heard "someone" on the patio while I was getting out of the shower. My phone and I are connected.... he would have had to deal with the police..... and I would have locked the bathroom door until I heard the police arrive~!

I think initially his motive was to help, which is wonderful, but the hug thing is creepy and even consoling somone, what he was doing is way too much. No one is emotionally in a normal place when something like this happens!! I consider his eventual intrusion to be far more than helping, especially with vague references to his wife not being able to hug. My jaw dropped at that one. Soooo creepy!

I would have been so incredibly angry at this that I probably would have vented on him something awful.... the anger at what he was doing without my asking, and the anger of losing someone I love would have really compounded.

I think that if he and his wife never talk to you again, you will be better off....

Re: What would you do?

Q4u — Mon, 04 Jul 2016 20:23:37 GMT

I was so outraged I also forgot to say how very sorry I am regarding your husband...

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debic — Mon, 04 Jul 2016 20:24:08 GMT

You were right in your actions. He was so out of line. I'm pretty sure things could get a lot worse if you let it go on.

Re: What would you do?

BalletBabe — Mon, 04 Jul 2016 20:26:40 GMT

@Catty No she didn't know. I asked her when I called if she knew he was over here and she said no. I didn't tell her he wanted hugs and kisses, cause I didn't want in the middle of that. She sleeps a lot. On a lot of meds. My son said Mom he is stalking you. It was creepy!

Re: ...

chickenbutt — Mon, 04 Jul 2016 20:27:58 GMT

Sorry you lost your husband. I agree with others - creepy! I also agree with Deb that it would have just gotten worse. Who knows where that would have led - well, I do have an idea where HE wanted it to go.

I'd just leave it alone at this point. When folks don't have any boundaries, the only thing to do is remove yourself from the situation unless you feel comfortable with that.

Re: What would you do?

BalletBabe — Mon, 04 Jul 2016 20:34:31 GMT

@ Q4U Several said that I should have called police. Ironically one of my neighbors had not seen me out for a few days. The following Sunday I had a migraine , so I went to bed. I hear this banging on my door at noon and a consistant ringing of my doorbell. I ignored it and finally it stopped. At 1:00 it started again, so I get up and look out and I see police car. I am like wth is going on? So I grab a robe and answer and he says, we were notified that no one has seen you in several days? I said officr I don't know what your talking about. I was with two of my neighbors all day yesterday. They took me to the cemetary. So I asked him to come in and told him this story. He said if he shows up again CALLL US AND WE WILL REMOVE HIM. I was like you bet I will

Re: What would you do?

RedTop — Mon, 04 Jul 2016 20:34:54 GMT

This situation got creepy for me as soon as the neighbor started coming over every day; I would have put a stop to that immediately. A hug? NO. A kiss? Hell NO!

Helping get your husband back in bed was a very nice thing, as well as carrying your trash cans back to the house. I see those as the kindnesses you appreciate in a good neighbor. Everything else you mentioned is just creepy and makes me think this neighbor is too willing to comfort the widow next door.

I would be glad they are not speaking to me!

Re: What would you do?

AKgirl2 — Mon, 04 Jul 2016 20:37:53 GMT

@Catty2 wrote:
I think he was out of line to expect a hug and kiss. It was very nice of him to help you around the house, but he should respect that it's your house and not to enter the yard or house without your permission. Wonder if his wife knows he was expecting a hug and kiss from you every time. You did the right thing.

I bet his wife is unaware about a lot of things with him...he's a snake!

Re: ...

jaxs mom — Mon, 04 Jul 2016 20:38:50 GMT

Be grateful they aren't talking to you. He's been completely inappropriate with you. He isn't respecting your personal space or your privacy. Honestly it sounds like grooming behavior to me, like what pedophiles and abusers do to get people to feel in their debt. And I'm not the type that sees a bad motivation in every good deed. Not by a long shot. But this guy, yes. I'd keep my doors locked at all times, consider moving or getting a nice big unfriendly guard dog. It's never ok for him to ask you for hugs because he did something for you. The wife having arthritis is not even anywhere near acceptable for his claims to want a hug. He's a creep.

Re: ...

BalletBabe — Mon, 04 Jul 2016 20:38:56 GMT

@chickenbutt love that name. No it made me cringe. HIs hugs and kisses were getting longer and longer and I even backed way and I thought for sure when I didn't answer the door , he would get the hint. I just felt like he was taking over or trying to. He wanted to take me to the cemetary, he can't drive legally blind, but his wife is on Oxycontin. There was no way I was getting in the car with either one of them.

Re: What would you do?

missy1 — Mon, 04 Jul 2016 20:41:43 GMT

Be happy he isn't bothering you. Sorry about your dh.

Re: ...

Isobel Archer — Mon, 04 Jul 2016 20:41:44 GMT

I'm sorry about your husband.

As to your neighbor, if they are no longer speaking to you, then apparently he is no longer bothering you. So, at this point, I would do nothing.

It seems he is needy for affection and he definitely got the wrong idea as to your intentions - but you have made that clear and he is now leaving you alone. So while I know it is upsetting, I'm not sure there is anything you can do now other than let time pass.

Re: ...

BalletBabe — Mon, 04 Jul 2016 20:42:15 GMT

@ Jax Yes it still creeps me out. I am not comfortable in my front yard anymore. If I talk to another neighbor, he is out pretending to do yard work. Worst part is this guy looks like Frankenstine---lol

Re: ...

BalletBabe — Mon, 04 Jul 2016 20:44:54 GMT

Thanks everyone for all the sympathy. I just needed to talk about it. I think this started before my husband death. I broke my knee cap in half about 5 years ago ad I walked everyday and he just happened to be out watering everyday. I stopped walking and saw him no more out at that time. Things are just starting to click if you know what I mean.

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debic — Mon, 04 Jul 2016 20:47:09 GMT

@BalletBabe wrote:
@ Q4U Several said that I should have called police. Ironically one of my neighbors had not seen me out for a few days. The following Sunday I had a migraine , so I went to bed. I hear this banging on my door at noon and a consistant ringing of my doorbell. I ignored it and finally it stopped. At 1:00 it started again, so I get up and look out and I see police car. I am like wth is going on? So I grab a robe and answer and he says, we were notified that no one has seen you in several days? I said officr I don't know what your talking about. I was with two of my neighbors all day yesterday. They took me to the cemetary. So I asked him to come in and told him this story. He said if he shows up again CALLL US AND WE WILL REMOVE HIM. I was like you bet I will

I also was so creeped out I forgot to say how sorry I am for your loss.

I'm glad the police have a report and your family is aware. I have no doubt the man was stalking you, working up to more than 'hugs' What a pig to even ask for a hug let alone a kiss.

Re: What would you do?

AKgirl2 — Mon, 04 Jul 2016 20:49:01 GMT

@BalletBabe wrote:
I think he was out of line to expect a hug and kiss. It was very nice of him to help you around the house, but he should respect that it's your house and not to enter the yard or house without your permission. Wonder if his wife knows he was expecting a hug and kiss from you every time. You did the right thing

@Catty No she didn't know. I asked her when I called if she knew he was over here and she said no. I didn't tell her he wanted hugs and kisses, cause I didn't want in the middle of that. She sleeps a lot. On a lot of meds. My son said Mom he is stalking you. It was creepy!

He is a creep and a leech...you should have your son have a talk with him to straighten him out. I know my son would. there's no reason why you should feel uncomfortable in or outside of your property...don't let this lowlife intimidate you.