topic Re: My fellow widows in Among Friends

My fellow widows

willowbark — Wed, 03 Dec 2025 16:47:33 GMT

Overview of Widowhood Statistics

General Statistics

In the U.S., there are approximately 11.8 million widows.
The average age of widowhood is around 59 years.
Each year, about 700,000 women become widows, with many facing significant financial challenges.

Age and Gender

A third of women who become widowed are younger than 60.
Half of all women will become widowed by age 65.
The median age for women becoming widows in their first marriage is 59.4 years.

Financial Impact

After the death of a spouse, household income typically declines by about 40%.
Approximately 51% of widowed women aged 65 and older live on less than $22,000 a year.
Many widows experience a loss of contact with friends and family, with 75% reporting this issue.

Global Context

Worldwide, there are over 245 million widows, with many living in poverty.
In developing countries, conditions for widows can be particularly severe, with limited access to education and financial resources.

Health and Well-being

The death of a spouse is considered the #1 stressor on the Holmes and Rahe Stress Scale, often leading to serious health issues for the surviving spouse.
The widowhood effect indicates an increased mortality risk for widows, especially in the first few months after their spouse's death.

These statistics highlight the significant emotional, social, and financial challenges faced by widows, emphasizing the need for support and resources.

Please take care everyone.

Re: My fellow widows

willowbark — Wed, 03 Dec 2025 17:18:41 GMT

To add insult to emotional injury was my new tax filing category. After 30 years filing married jointly, I am now in the higher Single category.

Yet in my head...in my mind, I am still married.

I will never date. I will never kiss another. Not interested and I find it revolting thinking about it.

My penalty drum roll.....is paying higher taxes.

Re: My fellow widows

BunSnoop — Wed, 03 Dec 2025 17:26:47 GMT

@willowbark , thank you for the information. I became a widow this year at age 66 - hubby was 69. Life is very different and often very difficult. I've been so thankful I have been able to "talk" to so many of you on this forum as it has helped me so greatly when I'm feeling so alone.

When I cry I have no one here to hug, hold me, or comfort me. I'm sure many of you feel the same. Sending a hug to each of you.

Re: My fellow widows

willowbark — Wed, 03 Dec 2025 17:36:06 GMT

@BunSnoop I understand you completely. Your emotions are still raw, it's been 3-1/2 years since I became a widow and while it's a little bit easier I still cry everyday. I still second guess every decision we made about the doctors and all the what if's, that continue to swirl in my head. It's very hard and everytime I read some article about new cures for various maladies that perhaps could have benefited my husband, I just want to scream.

Re: My fellow widows

TeddysMom — Wed, 03 Dec 2025 17:50:02 GMT

I totally get it. I became a widow 2 years ago and have found that the 2 things most troublesome for me is the change in my tax status and the change in my marital status.

Not only did I go from Married Filing Jointly to Single but I had a small business that I had to close during the last stages of my husband's illness. I no longer have the deductions that afforded me. And the double whammy was going to Single too.

Also, I am now single, certainly not wanting to date or anything of the sort but all my friends are still couples and I find I am not included anymore. It's like both of us died. I will readily admit I was blissfully unaware of this fact while I was married and probably guilty of not including others but I really had no idea how it would impact me socially after he died. I am now much more aware of those left out.

Re: My fellow widows

willowbark — Wed, 03 Dec 2025 17:51:31 GMT

@BunSnoop get this. I have an out of state cousin and because I am not on board with her ideology she sent me no condolence card, no flowers and never came over to hug me. A cousin who I have known all of my life who showered my mother with flowers and condolences when my dad got sick and passed yet my parents had (they're both gone now) the same ideology as me. Makes me so mad it consumes the hurt.

Re: My fellow widows

UpNorthGorgy — Wed, 03 Dec 2025 17:58:05 GMT

I wonder if alot of these statistics don't apply also to a divorced female who is in a similar loss predicament? Socializing is changed as no longer a couple.

I've been alone 23 years. My husband was never really happy and had an affair. I went into a deep depression. I was married 20 years. I raised his two daughters full time. No children. I lost my job in 2008 a year after the divorce and barely paid my bills, working minimum wage jobs and substitute teaching. He is on his fourth marriage.

I have a acquaintance who after 32 years of marriage. divorced her husband. She was a retired .P. Assistant. I knew her husband and he told me she pushed him away and he couldn't make her happy?

Over the ages in history widows have struggled and carried on, sometimes with many children to raise. Women tend to outlive men, so not surprising. So glad there were loving memorable years for those of you widows and widowers to cherish. It breaks the heart ❤️ and never heals.

Re: My fellow widows

Desertdi — Wed, 03 Dec 2025 18:00:22 GMT

Everyone "thinks" I got a HUGE BUNDLE OF DOUGH from "life insuranace". There wasn't any...

Re: My fellow widows

willowbark — Wed, 03 Dec 2025 18:01:01 GMT

@UpNorthGorgy yes, your situation is similar and I've been told that divorce can feel like a death.

Re: My fellow widows

TeddysMom — Wed, 03 Dec 2025 18:05:39 GMT

If it helps at all, I have gone through the same thing. I have no extended family. My Mom, Dad and brother have long since died. We did have family though for all the years I was married (58) through my husband. A large extended family that I thought was mine too. When my husband died I got...wait for it...crickets. Nothing, nada, nicht. No cards, flowers, visits, phone calls. Total silence. Since then I have been invited to a couple of very large gatherings where I suspect it was necessary to include me. Other than that I could have fallen off the earth and they wouldn't know or care. Who does that?? How can you just dismiss someone you've known for all those years as if they never existed?

Re: My fellow widows

willowbark — Wed, 03 Dec 2025 18:08:52 GMT

@TeddysMom I can relate although way too painful to write about. It has added to my sadness. I sometimes see a neighbor when I go outside. I talk to the people at the grocery store.

That's about it.

Re: My fellow widows

TeddysMom — Wed, 03 Dec 2025 18:12:30 GMT

I'm here.

Any time.

Re: My fellow widows

Chimi — Wed, 03 Dec 2025 18:14:30 GMT

There is some good news. They are increasing the standard deduction from $15,750 for single filers ($750 increase), over 65 has an additional $2000 ($1500 increase) for single fliers . From 2025 through 2028, taxpayers over age 65 can claims an additional deduction of $6000 for single filers earning under $75.000. Over that income, it gradually decreases.

Re: My fellow widows

willowbark — Wed, 03 Dec 2025 18:15:04 GMT

@TeddysMom thank you.

I am so glad I started this thread. I hope all are feeling a little bit better.

To those reading but not posting.

Re: My fellow widows

TeddysMom — Wed, 03 Dec 2025 18:21:00 GMT

Just knowing there are so many others going through the same dark days is helpful. We are not the crazy ones. To all those who see me and are afraid to bring up his name: don't be afraid. I would appreciate knowing you care and that you remember him.

I was lucky enough to have a long and happy marriage but my life is not over and as soon as I understand all these new life rules I will move on.

The before is commited to memory now but the after is totally up to you. Make it count.

Re: My fellow widows

Timalyn — Wed, 03 Dec 2025 18:23:09 GMT

Guess I am average then. Lost my husband to Covid in 2021 and he was 57 , me 59.

Only enough insurance to bury him. We don't qualify for SS benefits because I have a job. That is my blessing to have had a job for 40 years but the loss of a 2 income house to a 1 is substantial. I penny pinch like crazy and still worry about te next month to come. I keep moving forward but it seems at a slow pace without my ride or die. Blessings to the fellow sisters who have suffered the same. This club welcomes all , even though we all wish we didn't belong.

Re: My fellow widows

pinkcrystal — Wed, 03 Dec 2025 19:25:35 GMT

I am five years out. I am now dating a man from church but we live apart. I know I'll never, ever find anyone like the man I had, but time has helped with the awful hurt. I hope you all find some comfort however you are able.

Re: My fellow widows

lynnie61 — Wed, 03 Dec 2025 19:46:57 GMT

I am not a widow. I am not married. But I had two very long term relationships and when they ended it was very hard. I didn't date for many years, then 9 years ago I met the nicest man. We are not married, but its loving, and committed. We live together and it works for us. I am glad I took another chance. You can't replace the husbands you love. I just don't understand how people just drop and don't or won't include the remaining spouse in family events, holidays and birthdays. It's heartbreaking to me.

Lots of great people on these forums for anyone that needs to reach out at times. Always people checking in on holidays too.

Thinking of all of you with big hugs! (((❤️)))

Re: My fellow widows

lynnie61 — Wed, 03 Dec 2025 20:05:48 GMT

Re: My fellow widows

geezerette — Wed, 03 Dec 2025 20:17:28 GMT

I can understand why some friends drift away after a spouse's death. Sometimes the dynamic just changes without that person.

In my case, several of "our" friends were really more "his" friends than mine. And once he was gone, the relationship between us changed and felt strained. I still see them, but not as often. We were very close to one couple, and I am still very close to the woman, but the 'couples' aspect of our relationship is no longer there.

On the other hand, I now have relationships with people that my husband never would have been interested in.