topic Re: Sensitive Topic Regarding Mom's Burial in Among Friends

Sensitive Topic Regarding Mom's Burial

house_cat — Fri, 13 May 2016 15:16:47 GMT

If I remember correctly, over the years, when my Mom's aunts and relatives were laid to rest they were dressed in very fancy clothes. I remember seeing my grandmother at the funeral home and thinking I'd never seen her dressed that like when she was alive. It seemed pretty silly to me, but that's the way it was done.

My dad passed away in February and Mom gave me his only suit to bring to the mortuary. They did a nice job, but again, it seemed kind of phony to me.

Well, now it's time to lay my mom to rest and I chose a brand new lilac sweater set that I purchased for her last spring - she never wore it. Lilac is has been a lovely color on her these past few years. I also chose a pair of light gray pants, and a silver cross necklace that I know she loved.

Well, now I'm having second thoughts. I wonder if I should have purchased a fancy dress for her to wear. I hope I'm not disrespecting her memory in any way.

I know this is a sensitive topic, but if anyone has thoughts on this I'd appreciate hearing them... in a kind way.

Thank you.

Re: Sensitive Topic Regarding Mom's Burial

DoneTryin — Fri, 13 May 2016 15:24:36 GMT

I'm sorry for your loss. It sounds like you've had a pretty rough year.

What you picked out sounds lovely.

Re: Sensitive Topic Regarding Mom's Burial

game-on — Fri, 13 May 2016 15:28:14 GMT

I am so sorry for your loss..... please bury your mom in this lovely outfit. (((hugs)))

Re: Sensitive Topic Regarding Mom's Burial

Tinkrbl44 — Fri, 13 May 2016 15:32:20 GMT

@house_cat wrote:
If I remember correctly, over the years, when my Mom's aunts and relatives were laid to rest they were dressed in very fancy clothes. I remember seeing my grandmother at the funeral home and thinking I'd never seen her dressed that like when she was alive. It seemed pretty silly to me, but that's the way it was done.

My dad passed away in February and Mom gave me his only suit to bring to the mortuary. They did a nice job, but again, it seemed kind of phony to me.

Well, now it's time to lay my mom to rest and I chose a brand new lilac sweater set that I purchased for her last spring - she never wore it. Lilac is has been a lovely color on her these past few years. I also chose a pair of light gray pants, and a silver cross necklace that I know she loved.

Well, now I'm having second thoughts. I wonder if I should have purchased a fancy dress for her to wear. I hope I'm not disrespecting her memory in any way.

I know this is a sensitive topic, but if anyone has thoughts on this I'd appreciate hearing them... in a kind way.

Thank you.

@house_cat

Sounds like a good choice to me.

While I suppose the thinking might be that someone is going to meet their maker and dress accordingly, I'm betting that some family members just want to avoid criticism by those attending the viewing at the funeral home ..... "did you see what they put her in? ..."

A person could have lived a very casual life, and not dressed up a lot, but I can't imagine anyone being laid to rest in jeans and sneakers .... just giving an example here ...

so sorry for your loss.

Re: Sensitive Topic Regarding Mom's Burial

IMW — Fri, 13 May 2016 15:32:00 GMT

My condolences on your loss. It sounds like you were mom's caregiver and loved her dearly. I believe that any outfit that gives you solace is appropriate.

Funerals are for those of us left behind. What you feel is best, is best.

My dearly beloved deceased mother could not make a decision re my 90 y/o father who had Alzheimer's re a feeding tube. I am an only child,it fell to me. I made the decision crying and mom said you can't make any wrong decision when it's out of love. Her words helped me.

I hope this helps you.

Re: Sensitive Topic Regarding Mom's Burial

Sadiesadie — Fri, 13 May 2016 15:32:49 GMT

Not sure how you could be disrespectful by picking out such a lovely outfit and color so carefully and with so much love. The love you're putting into it is more important and she would love you for caring so much

Re: Sensitive Topic Regarding Mom's Burial

spix — Fri, 13 May 2016 15:34:26 GMT

@house_cat So sorry to hear about your Mom, I know you've had rough going recently, just know that she is at peace & watching over you.

The outfit you've planned for her sounds lovely, follow your heart.

You're in my prayers.

PS Lost my Mom 4/11/16 so I know where you're coming from.

Re: Sensitive Topic Regarding Mom's Burial

embgm — Fri, 13 May 2016 15:39:28 GMT

I am sorry for your losses. When my sister passed away we dressed her in a lovely blue sweater and navy pants. It did cross my mind that it wasn't a fancy dress or blouse. But it was my sister's style of dressing. The blue was a signature color for her because she had beautiful blue eyes. It was an outfit that she would feel comfortable wearing. You did not disrespect your mom in any way. Sometimes while going through an emotional time people tend to second guess themselves. Lilac sounds beautiful and if it was a color that your mom looked good in you served her well. Concentrate on the treasure of memories you have of your parents. Again I am so sorry for your losses. Em

Re: Sensitive Topic Regarding Mom's Burial

Bird mama — Fri, 13 May 2016 15:41:31 GMT

@house_cat

When my beloved mother passed away in 2010, although she was cremated, she was laid out dressed like she lived. I would know, I laundered and ironed the clothing she wore.

She wore a patterned perma press blouse and a pair of lee khaki pants.

There was no way that I was glamming my mother up. She would have found a way back from the here after and planted a foot in my rear.

My mother looked beautiful and like herself.

Re: Sensitive Topic Regarding Mom's Burial

Vivian — Fri, 13 May 2016 15:45:19 GMT

Please accept my sympathy on your loss. That outfit you chose has special meaning to you. What can be better than that? I told my husband that I want to be buried in the gorgeous dress I wore to my daughter's wedding, even though her marriage ended in divorce. I told him at least I'll get a second wearing out if it. To me, burial in an outfit that holds meaning is the most important criterion. For my father, we buried him with his tennis racquet, a baseball and bat, and a cigar...his favorite things. To me that was the best send-off we could provide.

Re: Sensitive Topic Regarding Mom's Burial

1jenniferjuniper — Fri, 13 May 2016 16:04:04 GMT

@house_cat wrote:
If I remember correctly, over the years, when my Mom's aunts and relatives were laid to rest they were dressed in very fancy clothes. I remember seeing my grandmother at the funeral home and thinking I'd never seen her dressed that like when she was alive. It seemed pretty silly to me, but that's the way it was done.

My dad passed away in February and Mom gave me his only suit to bring to the mortuary. They did a nice job, but again, it seemed kind of phony to me.

Well, now it's time to lay my mom to rest and I chose a brand new lilac sweater set that I purchased for her last spring - she never wore it. Lilac is has been a lovely color on her these past few years. I also chose a pair of light gray pants, and a silver cross necklace that I know she loved.

Well, now I'm having second thoughts. I wonder if I should have purchased a fancy dress for her to wear. I hope I'm not disrespecting her memory in any way.

I know this is a sensitive topic, but if anyone has thoughts on this I'd appreciate hearing them... in a kind way.

Thank you.

Housecat,

so sorry about the loss of your mom, you will be in my prayers.

i think the outfit you picked out is perfect

Re: Sensitive Topic Regarding Mom's Burial

3cupcakes — Fri, 13 May 2016 16:11:23 GMT

Most sincere sympathies for your loss, @house_cat.

what you chose for your mum to wear sounds lovely & the thought you put into this reflects your memory of her, which also makes it just perfect.

years ago when my dad died, we later regretted not having his tie removed just before his burial because he just hated ties & now we all tease that he teases us from heaven about it.

when people do what reflects their precious memories whether it's including a beloved sports team memento or a special belt buckle, I think, it is a comfort to us & one last thing we do in honoring them.

Re: Sensitive Topic Regarding Mom's Burial

house_cat — Fri, 13 May 2016 16:19:11 GMT

Thank you, all.

Your responses and kind thoughts made me feel better about my decision.

~k~

Re: Sensitive Topic Regarding Mom's Burial

daisyk — Fri, 13 May 2016 16:24:48 GMT

@house_cat...I think the outfit you have in mind sounds lovely and appropriate. I see no reason for Sunday go to meetin' clothes if that wasn't your mom's thing. You knew your mom, what do you think she would think? Blessings to you.

Re: Sensitive Topic Regarding Mom's Burial

Suzy Q from PA — Fri, 13 May 2016 16:34:10 GMT

Sorry for your loss ! The last few years of my mom's life she always wore a cardigan sweater and slacks....so when it came time to pick out burial clothes, I picked out a pretty white cardigan and slacks.

I vividly remember my brother going up to my dad's coffin and loosening his tie...he said my dad would haunt him forever if he did not !

Re: Sensitive Topic Regarding Mom's Burial

Kardi — Fri, 13 May 2016 16:36:15 GMT

Remember people used to get dressed up for lots of things years ago. I remember my grandmother wearing a dress and a hat and white gloves and her hubby wearing a suit to go to a baseball game or to fly to Florida. I've seen people attending wakes in jeans. It's a different world. What you've chosen is more than appropriate.

Re: Sensitive Topic Regarding Mom's Burial

NAES1 — Fri, 13 May 2016 16:43:01 GMT

Dear house_cat,

@house_cat

Please accept my deepest condolences in the loss of your precious Mother.

With death, we are so overwhelmed with many issues to complete, and having any anxiety about any particular dress code should not be something to be upset or rethinking after you have made your loving decision.

I, also, know the deep hurt losing a beloved parent, both mother and father.

You have shown me how much you loved her so much when living. I expressively noted the color of lilac, the blouse so carefully purchased, along with her cherished cross.

I know that you have done one of the most remembered expressions of care, by Loving your mother while alive.

That is what you have to keep in your heart Forever.

What a wonderful daughter you have always been~

NAES

Re: Sensitive Topic Regarding Mom's Burial

chucky12345 — Fri, 13 May 2016 16:56:50 GMT

I am so very sorry for your loss.

My father passed away 4 years ago. He owned a formal wear biz and we buried him in a tuxedo. My best friends father died a few years ago and he was a farmer. He was buried in New overalls and his favorite plaid shirt...with a toothpick behind his ear. 😀 never saw him without it while he was alive so....My point is u do what u feel is best...doesnt matter what anyone thinks.

like others have said the outfit u have chosen sounds lovely. God bless you.

Re: Sensitive Topic Regarding Mom's Burial

bri20 — Fri, 13 May 2016 17:13:04 GMT

@house_cat, I'm so sorry for your loss.

The outfit you picked out sounds lovely.

Re: Sensitive Topic Regarding Mom's Burial

Moonchilde — Fri, 13 May 2016 17:24:37 GMT

@house_cat, very sorry to hear of your mother's passing. As others have said, you have really had a rough time. When everything is done, I hope you get some time to be good to yourself.

Back in the day, people wanted to be buried in their "Sunday best" because there was a big difference between their everyday clothes and their best clothes. It was also a thing to be buried "dressed up" to meet your maker, and just maybe, a bit to impress the mourners.

My mother would have wanted to be in a nice version of what she enjoyed wearing, so that's what we did. I think your choice is lovely.