topic Re: Issue With Neighbor - Suggestions Please in Among Friends

Issue With Neighbor - Suggestions Please

BunSnoop — Wed, 30 Apr 2025 13:01:55 GMT

Approximately 2 weeks before my husband passed away we had 2 holes in our 6 foot white vinyl fence and a hard ball found in our lawn. I asked my husband what he wanted to do about it. He said prior to putting up the fence he had spoken to the woman that lived there in the yard behind us. He said she was very nice and had given him vegies from their vegetable garden, etc. He decided to just have the fence repaired and he hoped it would not happen again. We had it repaired - it cost $100.

When I came home on Easter, I found another hole in the fence. I walked around the block to the neighbors house and spoke to the husband. I told him what had happened and he said he would be over the next day to pay for both repairs.

He did come to our house the next day with the money. I told him I do not want the money - what I want instead is a promise it will not continue to happen. He said his boys and their friends play lacrosse and it involves hitting a hard ball. He said he had "a good talking" with his sons, but he cannot promise that it won't happen again. He said they may play when he's not home. He insisted that I take the money! He also said he was sorry for the loss of my husband and offered to help me if I needed anything.

I was outside yesterday and now I have 1 more hole. The estimate for this repair is $150. I peaked in the hole and saw one of the son's in the yard. I spoke to the son and he said it was not him - he has not been playing for several days. He said it must of been a friend. I told him then to please tell his friends not to do it again as I then need to go to his father and have him pay me again. He said - "yes ma'am - have a good day"!

So far, the cost was $100 for the 1st repair and I have a $150 estimate for the upcoming repair. The man paid me $200. What should I be doing? I've been taking pictures of each hole and also have the ball. Should I continue dealing with the parents each time? I have so many other things going on with the loss of my husband and I'm at a lost as what to do about this. Should I continue dealing with the parents, should I contact the police, etc.?

Any suggestions would be appreciated. Thank you!

Re: Issue With Neighbor - Suggestions Please

lgfan — Wed, 30 Apr 2025 14:52:28 GMT

Maybe you should change the vinyl fence to something sturdier like brick or cement. It doesn't seem like the neighbors are going to change so I would change the fence.

Re: Issue With Neighbor - Suggestions Please

Ladyrain — Wed, 30 Apr 2025 13:20:30 GMT

This is beyond frustrating. The parensts know what is happening and are still doing nothing to stop it. What kind of lesson does that teach the children? That they can basically do whatever they want, everyone else be damned. I'm sorry you're dealing with this, and I am so sorry for the loss of your husband. You surely don't need this on top of everything else. -------- I agree that a brick barricade should be built BUT it should be built and paid for by the neightbors - on THEIR side of your fence. That way when balls are whacked in that direction, the brick barricade on THEIR side should stop any further damage to your fence. However, I don't know how receptive this family would be to that. They seem more comfortable throwing money at the problem and letting you deal with the details.

Re: Issue With Neighbor - Suggestions Please

tends2dogs — Wed, 30 Apr 2025 13:23:50 GMT

First off, @BunSnoop , I am sorry for the loss of your husband. I don't know if you mentioned it on here. If so, I failed to see it. Again, my condolences.

About the fence. This is a sticky situation. I can see where it would be a hassle to deal with especially with all you are dealing with right now. I always try to find something good in any situation and I what I see good about this is that your neighbors are admitting there is a problem. They are offering to rectify it, or at the very least keep paying to fix the problem. The kids seem polite and their dad has offered to help you if you need it. I see all these as positive. Would I call the police? Not being there and seeing the damage, I am not sure.

If I lived alone and felt I may need the help of this neighbor or his boys, probably not. As long as he keeps paying for the repairs, I would let it ride for now.

I will be anxious to see what others say about this.

Take care of yourself. I know you don't need this added to your life right now.

Re: Issue With Neighbor - Suggestions Please

RespectLife — Wed, 30 Apr 2025 13:31:11 GMT

Gosh @BunSnoop

The last thing you need is to have this to deal with. I'm so sorry.

You can ask the neighbors to put up a fence on their side, but you can't make them.

I know how much vinyl fencing costs.....replacing it w/ brick or concrete? That would be a huge expensive you shouldn't have to pay!! I highly doubt they would pay for it either.

No crime has been committed by these boys unless you have witnessed them whipping the ball intentionally at your fence to cause harm. There isn't anything the Police can do criminally. They can, however, maybe talk to them.

I know if the Blue came to my door, I might be more proactive in solving the problem! I'd let the boys know they can NO longer play in our yard because of damage done to you. Go elsewhere.

Re: Issue With Neighbor - Suggestions Please

shy bobcat — Wed, 30 Apr 2025 13:31:29 GMT

I am sorry this is happening to you. What a frustration!

I would probably advise the family each time your fence is damaged. Hopefully, the neighbor will get tired of paying for fence repairs and insist the boys stop playing this sport in their backyard.

Re: Issue With Neighbor - Suggestions Please

Hoovermom — Wed, 30 Apr 2025 13:41:32 GMT

@BunSnoop: With all the things going in your life right now, especially the passing of your DH, I don't think you should even consider replacing your fence. It's your neighbor's responsibility to ensure that your property is not damaged. I would keep letting him know when holes appear in your fence. He needs to replace/repaired anything that has to be replaced/repaired no matter what it costs. Maybe you should get it repaired before telling him the cost. I am so sorry for the loss of your DH.

Re: Issue With Neighbor - Suggestions Please

skatting44 — Wed, 30 Apr 2025 13:42:45 GMT

So far it appears the Father is receptive and actually gave you some money, albeit the amount did not cover the entire bill. Are all the holes in the same section of fence ?

I'd talk with the parents and ask they put up a wall in their yard to protect the fence since all these holes are reoccurring or they pay for a fence made of some material that their children won't damage .

Re: Issue With Neighbor - Suggestions Please

geezerette — Wed, 30 Apr 2025 13:46:03 GMT

I agree this is a difficult and frustrating situation.

The first thing I would do, if it were me, would be to tell the neighbor that if he really wants to help me, he needs to put up a barrier on his side of the fence to keep the damage from happening in the first place. Right now he seems to be perfectly happy to pay for the damages and let you have the hassle of continuing to deal with them.

If this continues, you do have to make some decisions as to how far you're willing to go or how much you're willing to tolerate.

Re: Issue With Neighbor - Suggestions Please

Sooner — Wed, 30 Apr 2025 13:47:39 GMT

Can you ask the neighbors to put up a fence on their side on the spots where it is happening? If not, I'd be tempted to take the fence down where the holes occur especially if they would then have to fence their side because of pets of something.

Re: Issue With Neighbor - Suggestions Please

Still Raining — Wed, 30 Apr 2025 13:59:41 GMT

I am sorry that you have been given a repair problem.

If this fence is solely yours, located inside your boundary and the posts are sturdy, why not just reinforce the rear?

Re: Issue With Neighbor - Suggestions Please

PJinIA — Wed, 30 Apr 2025 14:12:14 GMT

@lgfan wrote:
Maybe you should change the vinyl fence to something sturdier like brick or cement. It doesn't seem like the neighbors are going to change so I would change the fence.

Vinyl fences are insanely expensive so I'm guessing that's not an option to just replace it. I paid a LOT of money for one last year andthere's no way I'd take it down and replace it with another expensive fence because of the neighbors kids. I think I'd tell the dad that I appreciated him paying for the repairs but further damage to the fence is unacceptable and the kids need to go play someplace else OR a police report will be filed should anymore holes appear. The parents need to be parents and make it clear to the kids that it has to STOP. Maybe he could put up a

barrier of some kind on his side to stop the balls before they hit her fence.

Re: Issue With Neighbor - Suggestions Please

Group 5 minus 1 — Wed, 30 Apr 2025 14:13:44 GMT

Whatever you do it will cost money. I cannot think of anything and I am so sorry. Calling the police-no!

Re: Issue With Neighbor - Suggestions Please

Group 5 minus 1 — Wed, 30 Apr 2025 14:16:59 GMT

@PJinIA If all these things were in place she wouldn't need any advice. Even if she sold and moved probably there would be some thingy about the hole in the fence. I thought about this and I feel so sorry for her,but I can not come up w/ an answer.

Re: Issue With Neighbor - Suggestions Please

SportyShorty07 — Wed, 30 Apr 2025 14:26:11 GMT

@BunSnoop I am so very sorry to hear of the passing of your husband. Your neighbor should apologize for the holes, get his kids behavior in line and reinforce his side of the fence so that holes won't happen again on your side of the fence. Can the kids practice lacrosse in their school gymnasium or at a local playground or open field? Lacrosse requires a lot of space and running- these kids aren't getting the full lacrosse experience by doing it in a backyard. I hope your neighbors can reinforce their side of the fence. This is a very stressful situation to deal with, and you're doing a great job so far.

Re: Issue With Neighbor - Suggestions Please

PJinIA — Wed, 30 Apr 2025 14:20:59 GMT

@Group 5 minus 1 wrote:
Whatever you do it will cost money. I cannot think of anything and I am so sorry. Calling the police-noI

It should not be up to her to repair/replace or fix this problem. The parents need to take care of the problem! I think she's got enough to deal with at this time with the loss of her husband. It's an extremely stressful time for her and she should not have the added burden of coming up with a solution. Her fence, their kid....it's not her problem! It's up to the neighbors to make sure it does NOT happen again!

Re: Issue With Neighbor - Suggestions Please

BunSnoop — Wed, 30 Apr 2025 16:51:11 GMT

Our backyard is 1/2 an acre and the entire backyard is fenced in - it's all our fence. It has happened in two sections of our fence. Our fence is beautiful and secure. It's probably only about 6 years old and, as others have mentioned, was very expensive. Last year I went around the entire yard and washed by hand approximatly 75 of the 6-foot sections. My husband and myself loved working outdoors and kept everything immaculate.

Also, just a little more information..... When they came to fix our fence the first time they had to take down many of the slats and the repair guy said to my husband......oh gosh, look at the neighbors fence on the other side. They also have a white vinyl fence like ours and it was FULL of holes.

When I spoke to the man I did mention to him that my husband saw that the other neighbor's fence also was damaged. He said he has heard about it already from that neighbor. He admits mine was caused by his son but said the other neighbor's damage was caused by storms!!! I do not agree, but did not say anything more since he admitted mine was caused by his son/friends.

Re: Issue With Neighbor - Suggestions Please

BlueFinch — Wed, 30 Apr 2025 14:25:15 GMT

Since the dad acknowledges the recurring damage, I would just give him the bill (in full) for repairs for every event. This may be the best lesson, because if it keeps hitting his wallet, he may be more likely to start setting limits with the kids. He's likely to get tired of it.

A lesson learned is better than a battle that could breakdown any potential for an ongoing neighborly relationship. In fact, it could fuel deliberate acting out with the kids. So, for now, just hand him the bills and see how it goes.

Re: Issue With Neighbor - Suggestions Please

PJinIA — Wed, 30 Apr 2025 14:29:10 GMT

@BunSnoop wrote:
Our backyard is 1/2 an acre and the entire backyard is fenced in - it's all our fence.

Also, just a little more information..... When they came to fix our fence the first time they had to take down many of the slats and the repair guy said to my husband......oh gosh, look at the neighbors fence on the other side. They also have a white vinyl fence like ours and it was FULL of holes.

When I spoke to the man I did mention to him that my husband saw that the other neighbor's fence also was damaged. He said he has heard about it already from that neighbor. He admits mine was caused by his son but said the other neighbor's damage was caused by storms!!! I do not agree, but did not say anything more since he admitted mine was caused by his son/friends.

I'm so sorry about the loss of your husband and that you're having to go through this too! I lost my husband 8 yrs ago next month so I can fully appreciate what you're going through. I hope your neighbor will step up and do the right thing and put an end to the kids playing LaCrosse in their yard. It's the neighborly thing to do!

Re: Issue With Neighbor - Suggestions Please

SilleeMee — Wed, 30 Apr 2025 14:36:29 GMT

Instead of accepting money from the neighbor, have the neighbor use that money to put up a barrier on their side of the fence to prevent the balls from knocking holes through your fence. In any case, it will be an expense on your part no matter what and more expenses in the future if a barrier isn't put up.