topic Re: Loneliness - Perspective? in Among Friends

Loneliness - Perspective?

JoyFilled Warrior — Sun, 12 Jan 2025 13:28:48 GMT

I dont know why this above hadnt occurred to me before now, but seems to ring true, at least, now that Im aware of this.

It's scary putting this out there, but -

Maybe we, maybe I, can pitch in and do something about this - maybe lighten the load of another? Maybe lighten my own load, & my own feelings of lonliness?

Maybe, I can reach out to others who might also be feeling the same? Would that work? I can try this out.

Maybe my beloved Teacher can help me with this.

Re: Loneliness - Perspective?

Roscoe the Rascal — Sun, 12 Jan 2025 13:59:55 GMT

I think loneliness can be for different reasons. My husband passed and I am lonely and I know I have people who care about me. Sometimes we can be lonely because we isolate ourselves and need to make more effort to put ourselves out there.

I also believe in the statement you posted as well.

It can be hard to be lonely for sure but I also think it takes some work not to be that way as well. I have done more things than I have ever done before and have tried some new things as well. It has taken some time and still working on it but I am starting to get use to living alone and not so lonely as well. Getting a routine going too.

I also think your health can make a big difference as well on how things go for a person. Some are home bound and very few if any visitors. That can be very lonely.

I found after the holidays this year I felt very lonely. Sometimes memories can be a blessing and other times not so much.

Re: Loneliness - Perspective?

meallen616 — Sun, 12 Jan 2025 14:11:59 GMT

@JoyFilled Warrior and @Roscoe the Rascal,

Very well said, and so true ,thank you!

Re: Loneliness - Perspective?

CalminHeart — Sun, 12 Jan 2025 14:17:51 GMT

@JoyFilled Warrior wrote:

Wow. This picture hit home. I come from a huge family and have grown kids. Yet it's still very lonely sometimes. I always thought it was the feeling of being left out. I know my family cares but I don't feel it very often.

Re: Loneliness - Perspective?

deepwaterdotter — Sun, 12 Jan 2025 15:40:47 GMT

What behaviors can be shown to let the lonely person know that others care?

Re: Loneliness - Perspective?

GingerHead — Sun, 12 Jan 2025 16:27:41 GMT

@deepwaterdotter wrote:
What behaviors can be shown to let the lonely person know that others care?

@deepwaterdotter

Great question. From my prespective it's just letting that person feel that they are being "seen" and valued. I felt lonely growing up and never felt "seen" kinda like if I disappeared noone would care kinda thing.

I believe it's all about making people feel valued and acknowledged. That feeling of being unseen and insignificant can be very isolating.

Actively listen, show genuine interest with eye contact and thoughtful questions, check in regularly, and extend simple kindness.

Just, treat them as you'd wish to be treated, and as you treat those you really love and cherish.

By the way....I really see you. haha

Re: Loneliness - Perspective?

katie1859 — Sun, 12 Jan 2025 17:11:14 GMT

We live in a tragic time and loneliness is expanding

It is a suffering that is heartbreaking

It is a breaking that knows no bounds and is a respecter of no persons

Re: Loneliness - Perspective?

Mom2Dogs — Sun, 12 Jan 2025 17:32:58 GMT

I have a friend that is lonely, needy, bored, etc.... and there are plenty of people that care for her. Unfortunately her constant neediness is driving people away.

Re: Loneliness - Perspective?

DSD2 — Sun, 12 Jan 2025 17:56:46 GMT

@GingerHead wrote:
@
@deepwaterdotter wrote:
What behaviors can be shown to let the lonely person know that others care?
@deepwaterdotter

Great question. From my prespective it's just letting that person feel that they are being "seen" and valued. I felt lonely growing up and never felt "seen" kinda like if I disappeared noone would care kinda thing.

I believe it's all about making people feel valued and acknowledged. That feeling of being unseen and insignificant can be very isolating.

Actively listen, show genuine interest with eye contact and thoughtful questions, check in regularly, and extend simple kindness.

Just, treat them as you'd wish to be treated, and as you treat those you really love and cherish.

By the way....I really see you. haha

Excellent answer @GingerHead You are so right in that "it's all about making people feel valued and acknowledged. A bit of kindness goes a long way.

Re: Loneliness - Perspective?

qvcaddition — Sun, 12 Jan 2025 18:07:52 GMT

@JoyFilled Warrior

@JoyFilled Warrior wrote:

I dont know why this above hadnt occurred to me before now, but seems to ring true, at least, now that Im aware of this.

It's scary putting this out there, but -

Maybe we, maybe I, can pitch in and do something about this - maybe lighten the load of another? Maybe lighten my own load, & my own feelings of lonliness?

Maybe, I can reach out to others who might also be feeling the same? Would that work? I can try this out.
Maybe my beloved Teacher can help me with this.

I can relate to this. I have joined a few classes for elderly people and still have a hard time. I'm a person that has always been out there either in public speaking, volunteering,etc. I find myself alone though I am busy very busy with home stuff and errands. During the holidays I found, no one cares to reach out. I am going on 89 in a couple of months and very active, but all my close friends have passed and family doesn't seem to care to call. They will text if I text first, but like to do something with them, but always they are busy.

All, I can say is get out there and try to make a friend. So far, it hasn't worked for me, but I keep trying. I give my phone # to certain women in class, and no one calls. At least, I do not stay in the house isolated, but taking three classes. I am an outgoing person. Keep trying to connect with people.

Last evening, I didn't feel well at all, but it would not have helped to text sons, one always has his phone off and the other has a good excuse, so I did the best I could. Better today.

Last year, I had a bad episode and had to call a wellness check and they suggested I go to ER, so they had an ambulance take me. I was there for hours and no family came.

When, I use to work in the ER room at a hospital, I noticed, if an elderly Hispanic Grandma or Grandpa came in, the whold family came in to be with them. A non Hispanic person 9t times out of 10 no one was there for them.

i worked at two hospitals in the ER back in the day and believe me, the Hispanic people care about their elderly and families.

My advise is, do not isolate yourself, keep trying to make a friend that you click with who you both can care about the other. As we age, it gets harder, but don't give up.

I even took a six week course in a Senior Peer group. This was teaching you to go to other Senior homes that were lonely and had no one. The problem for me was, I could not travel where they would send me in this winter time and with my old car, but I learned alot about what the elderly go through and how many have families that don't check on them or really care.

NOT ALL Families ARE NOT CARING, BUT QUITE A FEW. That is why they have these programs at the COUNCIL OF AGING.

Re: Loneliness - Perspective?

qvcaddition — Sun, 12 Jan 2025 18:10:03 GMT

@deepwaterdotter

@deepwaterdotter wrote:
What behaviors can be shown to let the lonely person know that others care?

Give an actual phone call, not a text. Take them to lunch, or a walk if they can. Check in with them.

Re: Loneliness - Perspective?

qvcaddition — Sun, 12 Jan 2025 18:12:36 GMT

@Mom2Dogs

@Mom2Dogs wrote:
I have a friend that is lonely, needy, bored, etc.... and there are plenty of people that care for her. Unfortunately her constant neediness is driving people away.

Yes, you are right on this, but I am speaking in my post above about people that want company or someone to care and do things with, not using them like the person you are speaking about.

You can spot a user.

Re: Loneliness - Perspective?

Desert Lily — Sun, 12 Jan 2025 18:54:26 GMT

@JoyFilled Warrior What specifically could someone do to reach out to others?

Smile at them, say hello, meet them for lunch, listen, text/call, visit, buy them a pet, or?

What would really help relieve a person's loneliness or emptiness?

Would someone continue to implement the reaching out, or would it be a "moment"?

I think it would take a commitment to help the person, or they might feel even worse if it were fleeting. A smile or hello they can get at the grocery store.

To whom would someone reach out? Do you already have someone in mind?

If not, how would you find them?

I think the idea of reaching out has great merit, but I also think that it's complex.

And if a person is alone a lot, the feelings of isolation & loneliness are inevitable. Daughters & sons might care, but if they live 1,000 miles away it's not going to help loneliness.

Re: Loneliness - Perspective?

Snowpuppy — Sun, 12 Jan 2025 20:57:41 GMT

Since I've been here I've learned about the "I don't bother anymore" culture. This was new to me.

Also learned the extent of some posters lives is a recent FB post or YT influencer video.

I was always the friend who tried to stay in touch with a call or a card in the mail. So if a friend or former colleague of mine no longer keeps in touch, I now understand why.

I take a clue from them and now just stay away.

Re: Loneliness - Perspective?

Shanus — Mon, 13 Jan 2025 10:43:06 GMT

@JoyFilled Warrior I get it. I was in business doing makeup on those who wanted a change and then it morphed into weddings/brides on weekends until it became too much. I cut back to 1/2 time and hired assistants. It was still a huge adjustment not having a set schedule and my calendar no longer had some place to be each day.

My DS lives close by, but I wait for him to ask to get together. They have busy lives with both working and my now teen GDs. My DD is near Seattle and we're more phone or texting 'buddies" than seeing each other. It's a long flight and airport turmoil for me now.

DH is still working with a day or two off during the week until tax time, but it's not the same as friends I've had who are now in retirement communities, assisted living, passed away, moved to be near their children or other family. Many are dealing with illnesses or pain and just want to be left alone.

Yes, I get lonely even though I do keep busy with my painting and now packing up to downsize a bit late at our age. I become fearful of what I'll do when something happens to DH. I depend on him too much. He's my "social life" after 55 yrs. Sometimes it keeps me awake worrying about that. I was awake at 4 AM this morning.

It's good for you to know you're not alone here.

Re: Loneliness - Perspective?

Greeneyedlady21 — Mon, 13 Jan 2025 15:39:00 GMT

@deepwaterdotter wrote:
What behaviors can be shown to let the lonely person know that others care?

Speaking from my perspective, a person who needs actual help and not platitudes, you offer them actual help if you are able to. A place to stay, a loan when they are a hardworking person person-whatever you can do. Especially when other people have hurt them so much that they have lost the ability to trust, that's another cause of loneliness.

And you ( please know that I'm saying you as a general term not you specifically) don't abandon them because you're afraid they're going to ask you for actual help.

You're a wonderful person for asking this question, so many people never do

Re: Loneliness - Perspective?

Cakers3 — Mon, 13 Jan 2025 17:00:55 GMT

@JoyFilled Warrior

"Loneliness does not come from having no people about one, but from being unable to communicate the things that seem important to oneself, or from holding certain views which others find inadmissible." - Carl Jung

"There is an illusion of connection: you think that with technology, with these devices, you can connect. But you cannot really connect. How can you connect with another person when you cannot connect with yourself? - Thich Nhat Hanh

Come home to yourself first.🙏

Re: Loneliness - Perspective?

RetRN — Mon, 13 Jan 2025 17:23:14 GMT

@katie1859 wrote:
We live in a tragic time and loneliness is expanding
It is a suffering that is heartbreaking
It is a breaking that knows no bounds and is a respecter of no persons

Loneliness has become an epidemic in our country. This is a topic not to be taken lightly.

Re: Loneliness - Perspective?

JoyFilled Warrior — Wed, 22 Jan 2025 01:58:44 GMT

Lotsa great thoughts

Re: Loneliness - Perspective?

Sooner — Mon, 13 Jan 2025 17:58:36 GMT

If you don't think lonliness comes from being alone, then you haven't been alone and have no right to say that.