topic How do I Politely Decline a Wedding Invitation? in Among Friends

How do I Politely Decline a Wedding Invitation?

BarbiHollywood — Wed, 29 Jan 2025 13:19:45 GMT

I received a wedding Save The Date card several months ago for the granddaughter of some wonderful friends of ours who, sadly, have passed away. The wedding is about two hours away and would require an overnight in a hotel. We planned to go, but now just don't feel like giving up an entire weekend to attend. I'd like to RSVP to the bride by saying something nice and letting her know that we appreciate the invitation and will send a nice gift, but we just don't feel like attending.

I'm struggling to find the right words. Any suggestions?

Thanks.

Re: How do I Politely Decline a Wedding Invitation?

charsha — Wed, 29 Jan 2025 13:25:47 GMT

@BarbiHollywood I have copied a good friend of mine's saying, that we "have a conflict on that date" and that we are unable to attend the wedding/birthday/annversary/shower. I have used this phrase on occasion, as it does not make us obligated to say what the conflict is, as it's no one's business. You do not have to attend any function if the desire is not there. Good luck on what you decide.

Re: How do I Politely Decline a Wedding Invitation?

Shanus — Wed, 29 Jan 2025 13:31:56 GMT

@BarbiHollywood Love the saying from @charsha. I'm not sure why people who are so distant tend to send so many invitations. I'd hate to say just for gifts, but maybe to keep feelings from being hurt that they weren't included.

Re: How do I Politely Decline a Wedding Invitation?

Laura14 — Wed, 29 Jan 2025 13:34:27 GMT

Thank you for including us in your wonderful celebration.

Unfortunately, we will not be able to attend but please expect our gift as our well wishes to you and your future spouse. I know (insert name of her grandparents) will be there to celebrate with you in spirit as well.

Wishing you two a wonderful life together.

Congratulations!

Re: How do I Politely Decline a Wedding Invitation?

deeva — Wed, 29 Jan 2025 13:35:08 GMT

Just say you're not going to attend. No explanation needed.

Re: How do I Politely Decline a Wedding Invitation?

JYWilliams — Wed, 29 Jan 2025 13:46:02 GMT

@Laura14 wrote:
Thank you for including us in your wonderful celebration.

Unfortunately, we will not be able to attend but please expect our gift as our well wishes to you and your future spouse. I know (insert name of her grandparents) will be there to celebrate with you in spirit as well.

Wishing you two a wonderful life together.

Congratulations!

@Laura14 I like what you wrote. It was polite and you didn't make up a long story as to why the invitation was declined.

Re: How do I Politely Decline a Wedding Invitation?

We rescue cats — Wed, 29 Jan 2025 13:50:13 GMT

I would send a decline note using Laura14's example almost word for word. Most likely the invitation was at the request of her grandparents, so I doubt that the response will be not be unexpected. I'm sorry for the loss of your friends.

Re: How do I Politely Decline a Wedding Invitation?

JeanLouiseFinch — Wed, 29 Jan 2025 14:27:25 GMT

I don't know why we feel the need to justify ourselves with an acceptable excuse when the answer is " no", but I've been guilty too. The vagueness of @charsha's is what I'd recommend.

Re: How do I Politely Decline a Wedding Invitation?

jackthebear — Wed, 29 Jan 2025 14:37:45 GMT

@BarbiHollywood wrote:
I received a wedding Save The Date card several months ago for the granddaughter of some wonderful friends of ours who, sadly, have passed away. The wedding is about two hours away and would require an overnight in a hotel. We planned to go, but now just don't feel like giving up an entire weekend to attend. I'd like to RSVP to the bride by saying something nice and letting her know that we appreciate the invitation and will send a nice gift, but we just don't feel like attending.

I'm struggling to find the right words. Any suggestions?

Thanks.

I assume there is an RSVP card or link, the polite thing is to decline asap. You don't need to offer any explanations

it's a yes or no question

Re: How do I Politely Decline a Wedding Invitation?

Bri369 — Wed, 29 Jan 2025 14:38:04 GMT

Simply saying you will not be able to attend is enough. You do not have to give an explanation why.

Re: How do I Politely Decline a Wedding Invitation?

ThinkingOutLoud — Wed, 29 Jan 2025 14:41:46 GMT

To me, this situation depends on how well you know the bride and she you. If it was a courtesy invite because of her grandparents/your friends, that's one thing but if you and she have had interactions, that's another.

If the latter, your attendance will mean more to her long-term than your personal short-term 'don't feel like it' feelings because this isn't about you.

4 hours is not an entire weekend. Depending on the timing of things:

- drive down at noon for a 4pm ceremony, stay for the dinner/reception, spend the night, drive back the next morning, home by noon
- drive down after dinner, spend the night, noon ceremony, stay for part of the celebration, drive home in time for dinner

Just over a year ago, I made a 2 hour drive (each way) to a wedding and celebration - left in the morning, was home in time to go to bed. A full day but it didn't take the entire weekend. It can be done.

Maybe look at your attendance as part of the gift.

Re: How do I Politely Decline a Wedding Invitation?

Iwantcoffee — Wed, 29 Jan 2025 14:58:06 GMT

Just RSVP no.

It's not necessary to give a reason. I would rather be told "no" than somebody make up an excuse.

Re: How do I Politely Decline a Wedding Invitation?

Estellee — Wed, 29 Jan 2025 15:02:40 GMT

Thank you for the invitation but we are not able to attend. Maybe send a gift because you were friends with her grandparents.

Re: How do I Politely Decline a Wedding Invitation?

Pecky — Wed, 29 Jan 2025 15:14:13 GMT

I am guilty of feeling like I have to give a reason why I can't attend something.

Re: How do I Politely Decline a Wedding Invitation?

occasionalrain — Wed, 29 Jan 2025 15:16:00 GMT

A save the date card is not an invitation. Not everyone who receives a save the date will get an actual invitation. No reply is necessary.

Re: How do I Politely Decline a Wedding Invitation?

AuntG — Wed, 29 Jan 2025 15:29:17 GMT

They are only looking for a head count on the RSVP, so I'd simply decline. However, I'd send a check/gift mentioning your friendship with the grandparents. In no way should they be upset - that's why RSVP's are sent.

Re: How do I Politely Decline a Wedding Invitation?

Sooner — Wed, 29 Jan 2025 15:37:09 GMT

@Pecky wrote:
I am guilty of feeling like I have to give a reason why I can't attend something.

@Pecky You do NOT have to feel guilty in any way. Unless you are the mother of the bride. Maybe then. . .

Just say you won't be attending, be kind and reply asap. Trust me people won't care and won't give it a thought. If they do their bad not yours!

Re: How do I Politely Decline a Wedding Invitation?

VanSleepy — Wed, 29 Jan 2025 15:38:41 GMT

When you get the actual invitation with RSVP card, it's a yes or no question. No explanation necessary. When you send the gift, write your note in the wedding card. I wouldn't worry about it; it doesn't sound like you are very close to this bride.

Re: How do I Politely Decline a Wedding Invitation?

beckyb1012 — Wed, 29 Jan 2025 15:44:08 GMT

You should get the official invite when it gets closer to the wedding with the RSVP to be checked, then send it back to the couple. No explanation will be needed and send the gift to the couple as you desire to do.

Re: How do I Politely Decline a Wedding Invitation?

lgfan — Wed, 29 Jan 2025 15:49:15 GMT

I would also RSVP not able to attend. No further explanation is needed.