topic Re: So not sure how to handle in Among Friends

So not sure how to handle

Mom2Dogs — Thu, 12 Sep 2024 21:14:11 GMT

My granddaughter is pregnant, and emailed me a baby shower invite. There are issues with her mom and dad and they are not speaking, and she is barely speaking with her sister. Her mom and dad have met the boyfriend but no one else has met him.

Granddaughter is not speaking with her mom and dad because when she asked her parents to help her move out of boyfriends house they did then two days later she moved back in and they were upset with her and she cut off contact.

I am very conflcted about attending, granddaughter is treating her parents like a spoiled brat and right now I don't know if her mom and sister will even go...I hate these types of conflicts.

If you have any advise, send it my way...I do not need snarky remarks as I know how threads can turn on a dime.

Re: So not sure how to handle

DSD2 — Thu, 12 Sep 2024 21:20:32 GMT

If you love your granddaughter (and I'm sure you do), please consider attending.

She and your daughter will likely sort things out; things can change so quickly and perhaps they will have made up by the time the shower comes.

If that doesn't occur, your granddaughter seems like she could use your love and support. It's not a case of siding with or against anyone, your presence will show your granddaughter and her child that they are loved. It would be very sad if none of you ended up attending; those hurt feelings would be very hard to heal.

Wishing you support....

Re: So not sure how to handle

goldensrbest — Thu, 12 Sep 2024 21:22:12 GMT

I would talk to your daughter,or son which ever , and see what they think.I assume her friends are giving the baby shower?

Re: So not sure how to handle

brandiwine — Thu, 12 Sep 2024 21:23:22 GMT

What do you want to do? If you don't like the way your granddaughter is treating her immediate family, don't go. If you support her, go. Doesn't seem that complicated. Follow your own heart.

Re: So not sure how to handle

stevieb — Thu, 12 Sep 2024 21:24:28 GMT

Lots and lots and lots of dysfunction going on here and on many levels. If you're so inclined, invite her over for dinner (or out for dinner, whatever you prefer), feed her, and give her a check for however much you deem appropriate with a card suggesting she spend it however she likes. Tell her you're unable to make the shower and then let it go.

Re: So not sure how to handle

Citrine1 — Thu, 12 Sep 2024 21:37:52 GMT

What a position for you to be in; I don't envy you.

I don't know what you should do in this case, but I'll tell you a little story (if you don't mind).

I helped move my daughter out of her boyfriends house. It was expensive, time consuming, and emotionally draining on all involved. Within weeks, she was back with him.

I was annoyed with her and let her know. I never liked the boyfriend anyway. I think your granddaughter parents have a right to be upset. What I don't think is that your granddaughter should have cut her parents off because of how they feel. No doubt, she is going to need them since she is expecting a baby. She's cutting off her nose to spite her face.

I hope that everything works out and that the family is back together before the shower takes place.

I agree with others who say you should follow your gut and do what you want, although I'd probably talk to my daughter/son before I went to the shower.

I'm sorry; this probably wasn't helpful. If you're close to your granddaughter, perhaps you could talk to her about reconciling with her mom, dad and sister.

Re: So not sure how to handle

kitcat51 — Thu, 12 Sep 2024 21:44:14 GMT

The conflict with other family members has nothing to do with you so don't put yourself in the middle & attend the shower. Being pregnant is difficult, emotions are all over the place so you could be the level headed loved one she needs. Wishing your granddaughter All The Best.

Re: So not sure how to handle

annie315 — Thu, 12 Sep 2024 21:49:42 GMT

She's your granddaughter. Go to the shower.

Re: So not sure how to handle

Mom2Dogs — Thu, 12 Sep 2024 21:53:08 GMT

@Citrine1.

Your story is very, very similar...the issue is not the baby, it is the manipulation of the granddaughter...it is a pattern with her.

Her mom had to take a day off work to help her move - loss of income and like you said emotionally draining...especially since she moved right back in with him!

We are not close, and only see her at Christmas. BUT I do want to support her but am very conflicted.

I will have to call her mom and she if she was even invited!!!

Re: So not sure how to handle

tansy — Thu, 12 Sep 2024 21:57:10 GMT

I was going to suggest maybe a lunch and a check like @stevieb @said. As a grandparent I'd do my best to be Switzerland, neutral territory. 🤷‍♀️

Re: So not sure how to handle

candys mine — Thu, 12 Sep 2024 22:17:16 GMT

You do have a quandary. Is She the one who sent out the Invitations or is someone else planning this shower for her? Maybe they weren't privy to the families goings on. Maybe she Is inviting you with an open heart and Maybe, as someone brought up, she is " cutting off her nose to spite her face" by distancing herself from her family's support, and thinking YOU will take the place of her mother and family in her eyes on her journey to having her baby and dealing with her boyfriend. Probably I am all wrong about that But i HAVE seen it happen.

Go if you like. Give her Love. Don't play into the strife.

Re: So not sure how to handle

Janey2 — Thu, 12 Sep 2024 22:22:32 GMT

I would stay out of this conflict. Go to the shower. She is your granddaughter even though you might not like how she is handling this situation. Who knows how long she will be with this guy. She needs someone in the family to support her.

Re: So not sure how to handle

Mom2Dogs — Thu, 12 Sep 2024 22:24:28 GMT

@candys mine The email came from granddaughter...and she did not even say, Hi Grandma, hope you can attend...just the invite, that is it.

Like I said we are not close but regardless, I was disappointed she could not even address me.

Re: So not sure how to handle

Sooner — Thu, 12 Sep 2024 22:28:23 GMT

@Janey2 wrote:
I would stay out of this conflict. Go to the shower. She is your granddaughter even though you might not like how she is handling this situation. Who knows how long she will be with this guy. She needs someone in the family to support her.

@Janey2 I agree. Unless there is a reason not to, be kind to the girl. With the others in the family, stay out of the fray. You can't fix it, so it's theirs to deal with. You may need to be there for the granddaughter--if you feel so inclined. If not, stay out of the mess altogether. You have your own life to think about at this point.

Re: So not sure how to handle

Desert Lily — Thu, 12 Sep 2024 22:34:40 GMT

@Mom2Dogs For an unknown reason, your GD felt she needed to move out. No one knows if her BF was cheating, verbally or emotionally or physically abusive or not, but she felt she had to leave even if it was for a brief time.

Pregnancy can also do a number on hormones.

The shower is for gifts for the Baby. The innocent baby shouldn't be penalized due to conflicts.

I'd go to the shower.

If your GD & her BF have problems in the future, she's going to need support from her family. Maybe he's isolating her? I'd stay close to her without interfering, & I'd be there to listen.

Re: So not sure how to handle

threecees — Thu, 12 Sep 2024 22:32:54 GMT

@Mom2Dogs wrote:
@candys mine The email came from granddaughter...and she did not even say, Hi Grandma, hope you can attend...just the invite, that is it.

Like I said we are not close but regardless, I was disappointed she could not even address me.

That's very sad. My opinion, since reading this part then sounds like she is just

looking for a big gift,,cash from you. Not sure.

My mother raised my nephew until mid teens, then he went his own way.

Maybe 15 years passed and no contact from him with any of us from him,

until a wedding announcement came. We went to the wedding and gave him

and his wife a gift and then the no contact resumed on his part. He lives about

15 minutes away.

Re: So not sure how to handle

Kachina624 — Thu, 12 Sep 2024 22:40:18 GMT

Dear @Mom2Dogs , i think you've got a genuine mess right in the middle your family and I feel for you. I think you should send a gift and stay home unless the group gets their act together.

In the meantime, I'd sit down with your daughter and SIL and, in the interest of having a peaceful home for the baby, urge them and GD and BF to get some family counseling.

That would be the best gift you could give them.

Re: So not sure how to handle

ThinkingOutLoud — Thu, 12 Sep 2024 22:40:18 GMT

Haven't read the replies. Grandparents can be a much needed bridge, connection and provide a safe space. Never underestimate that and how you can influence her for the better. That will be less likely to happen if you aren't around. If you're the best avenue to family that she has right now, then I'd be putting the shower on the calendar.

Re: So not sure how to handle

speedy girl — Thu, 12 Sep 2024 22:51:43 GMT

I would definitely go, it's your Grand daughter and things like this don't come around that often. As long as you're not involved in the drama, I would go and celebrate this happy occasion with her.

Re: So not sure how to handle

Mom2Dogs — Thu, 12 Sep 2024 22:54:50 GMT

@Desert Lily Boy friend did not want the baby...so while he was out of town she asked mom and dad to move her out, they did, next day she went back over to the house spent the night and is still there...that is when she quit talking to her parents and sister.