topic Forgiveness in Among Friends

Forgiveness

timeless — Thu, 12 Sep 2024 02:08:56 GMT

I'm scrolling through shorts on YouTube and came across a channel called NurseHadley. She's an hospice nurse.

The short I saw referenced a man who was dying who was having a lot of anxiety that medication didn't touch. She called his doctor and he said, "What did the Chaplain say?" She said he wasn't religious and she wasn't sure what he was going to do.

The doctor told her to please just call the Chaplain anyway.

The Chaplain came and the patient said it was okay for them to pray and right away after, the Chaplain said, "Sir, you have some unfinished business on this earth, don't you?"

And the patient said, "I don't know what you're talking about."

She says the Chaplain left and she was still there and she was still trying to give him medicine for his anxiety. He finally turned to her after a couple of hours and said he needed to call his daugher.

She says he called his daugher and apologized for everything he had done to her and she forgave him and then without medication he was able to pass peacefully.

My thoughts on this:

Is forgiveness a force that is recognized at death as something that is given to the wronged party as a gift?

In other words, if the one that wronged someone asks for forgiveness, are they actually giving the wronged person an opportunity for a gift (in the afterlife)?

I know this is a heavy topic on the anniversary 9/11, but I though maybe this man was actually asking for her to forgive him in order to pass on a gift to her as a way of saying he's truly sorry and the only way for her to receive that gift was for his daughter to forgive him.

Re: Forgiveness

Sooner — Thu, 12 Sep 2024 02:21:51 GMT

I think forgiveness is part of the do-unto-others ethic, or belief if you will. By forgiving someone we have hope that we in turn will be forgiven.

I think it is about letting go of hate and anger when you forgive. I also think that true forgiveness lies within ourselves and our ability to ask for forgiveness.

Re: Forgiveness

Isobel Archer — Thu, 12 Sep 2024 02:27:14 GMT

While I think that forgiveness benefits the wronged party in the sense that it allows them to let go of the anger that is eating away at them, I'm not sure how it becomes a gift to the wronged party in the afterlife.

In the example you gave, the "gift" to pass peacefully to the afterlife was to the one who committed the wrong and not to the wronged party.

I also think that being sorry for committing a wrong may or may not affect the wronged party's ability to forgive. It can depend on how deeply hurt the wronged party was, for how long and to what extent they suffered from this wrong and even whether they are able to believe the person is truly sorry (particularly if the person has apologized previously and then continued the harmful behavior.)

Again, in terns of a "gift," it could be that in this case, the daughter (whether she actually forgave him or not) realizing that he was dying, told him she did in order to give him peace (even if she didn't have peace herself.)

Re: Forgiveness

Isobel Archer — Thu, 12 Sep 2024 02:33:06 GMT

I think when we pray - forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us - we are acknowledging that we all hurt others and that we need to give each other grace.

However, none of us are Jesus and significant harm done to us by someone cannot be easily dismissed as - we all just need to forgive. Sometimes it takes years of counseling to get over what was done to us. Yes, ultimately forgiveness is part of healing, but it doesn't happen easily sometimes.

Re: Forgiveness

Love my grandkids — Thu, 12 Sep 2024 02:41:47 GMT

I'll be perfectly honest. At 76 I can never and will never forgive my long-dead "sperm donor" for what he did to my family. Never. Ever. Judge if you want but you don't know what we went through.

I don't generally have a problem forgiving someone, whether they know of it or not, but not this time.

Re: Forgiveness

luvmybeetle — Thu, 12 Sep 2024 02:53:39 GMT

@Sooner That was very well said. God bless.

Re: Forgiveness

AngelPuppy1 — Thu, 12 Sep 2024 11:11:03 GMT

@timeless

This is really a deep question and there will be many interpretations and answers. I believe the person who needs to be forgiven for something that he or she has done benefits the most for the forgiveness. Not forgiving someone is a heavy burden to carry around. Of course, if something has been done to a person and no apology has been given, especially if it's for a long period of time, this also damages this person. And to be given an apology also gives them a release of this grievance. It is, I believe, so beneficial to both parties. Not to get too religious here, but we are to try to forgive everyone. If we offer an apology and it is sincere, and this person does not accept it, then that is on them. We are basically freed from that responsibility.

Re: Forgiveness

Shanus — Thu, 12 Sep 2024 12:06:12 GMT

Why wait until death to forgive or ask for it? I try to practice this whenever I hurt someone and those close to me also have asked for forgiveness for something minor or major that was done or said.

We have a holiday next month Yom Kippur that is based on forgiveness and marked by a 24 hour fast.

....and what about who go for confession and light a candle?

Re: Forgiveness

CrazyDaisy — Thu, 12 Sep 2024 12:19:13 GMT

Forgiveness is a gift to both parties. Who wants to live with hate in their life, that is a heavy burden.

Re: Forgiveness

Imaoldhippie — Thu, 12 Sep 2024 12:20:33 GMT

@timeless ...........To forgive your enemies is a gift to give yourself. To forgive is not an easy task.

Re: Forgiveness

Imaoldhippie — Thu, 12 Sep 2024 12:25:03 GMT

@Love my grandkids ...............I understand completely how you feel. I have not forgiven my mother for her physical and mental abuse she inflicted on my brother and me. I blame her for the death of my brother whom could not handle the mental abuse and he drank himself to death. My brother was 9 years younger than me and we were very close, especially in the later years. I still have not healed from his death and probably never will.

Re: Forgiveness

CalminHeart — Thu, 12 Sep 2024 12:37:28 GMT

What a beautiful story.

Asking for forgiveness is the right thing to do. It isn't always easy but it does wonders for our hearts and minds as well as for those who forgive us.

Forgiveness and mercy are key messages in all religions. It's not just from God or higher power; it's from each one of us to another.

If you pray, think about the words. Even the Our Father asks God to forgive us as we forgive others.

Re: Forgiveness

Mom2Dogs — Thu, 12 Sep 2024 12:51:02 GMT

I can forgive...which I have (my sister). She is mean, vindictive and forgets nothing..as she saw the instance(s) unfold.

What I do not do is have contact with her.

Re: Forgiveness

Sooner — Thu, 12 Sep 2024 13:39:47 GMT

@luvmybeetle wrote:
@Sooner That was very well said. God bless.

@luvmybeetle Thank you. I am old and have a relative who has brought up the question in my mind recently about cruel people and how you deal with it.

Re: Forgiveness

katie1859 — Thu, 12 Sep 2024 13:49:21 GMT

We are asked to forgive as we are forgiven by God.

If you do, others are forgiven. If you don't they are not.

As we see in our society, in forgiveness forges to separation and hatred.

I've worked in Hospice and I have not seen the narrative you discussed.

I did not witness this at my mother's passing in hospice either.

Forgiveness can be vocal but also silent

Forgiving someone in your heart frees the spirit, brings you to be one with God's heart.

Forgiveness is transforming and pleasing.

I have learned this and do this daily in pray because as a child of God forgiveness is a way of life. We are imperfect in an imperfect world/life.

Re: Forgiveness

ThinkingOutLoud — Thu, 12 Sep 2024 14:55:56 GMT

This topic is one that so many people misunderstand. We forgive for our own wellness and peace of mind, whether or not the offender ever acknowledges what they did (though that would be nice). Sometimes forgiveness isn't easy and it's a choice you make/remind yourself of over and over again but forgiving does not mean that the person is absolved of responsibilty nor does it mean you have to put yourself in a position to be hurt again.

On the flip side, not everyone understands what it takes to make things right either. It means recognizing what you did, feeling badly about it, admitting to the person what you did was wrong, repairing the damage as much as possible, and resolving not to repeat the mistake.

Re: Forgiveness

Forbidden Fruit — Thu, 12 Sep 2024 15:10:14 GMT

I'm not an expert on anything but I will tell you a weird thing that happened to me that I will never forget.

I had a very vivid dream one night that I had a conversation with an old HS classmate. He was the biggest jerk to people in HS. One of the popular jocks. In my dream, he apologized to me and he really hoped that I would forgive him. I was really confused. I asked him in my dream, "why are you here?" He told me "he could not get to the next level unless I forgave him." I told him, "OK, of course I forgive you." I had no clue why I dreamt this because honestly, I had not given this guy a second thought since high school. I just chalked my experience with him in HS as " building my character."

The following morning, I told my husband about it and I said to my husband that the dream seemed so real, like he was actually here in our house. I told my husband, I actually felt better after my dream. So that same morning, I opened up the newspaper. In the obit section, there was my classmate's picture. He had died in a horrible work accident. I was stunned but calm. I showed his picture to my husband. I said, 'that's the guy who I dreamt about last night." To say the least, my husband was a little freaked out.

Years later, I did learn that this classmate from HS, his father had molested his sisters (and maybe even him) and the father even molested the classmate's children. The father went to prison. When I learned this, I told the person, maybe that's why our classmate was such a "jerk." We had no clue what was going on in that household while we were in HS.

Forgiveness is a tricky business but we all need it and we all need to do it at some point. Forgiveness doesn't mean we gave that person permission for the transgression. For example. you may forgive your abuser but would you be expected to hang around them? I don't think so. I also think it's easier to be forgiven if you ask for it rather than wait for it from someone else. Again, I'm no expert but just my thoughts.

Re: Forgiveness

wagirl — Thu, 12 Sep 2024 15:39:36 GMT

Forgiveness is hard-----I can forget, sometimes, but to forgive--that's what I have troubles with. Mostly dealing with my deceased mother and my ex spouse-----both did awful things regarding the family, mostly mental/verbal abuse, nothing physical, but still very damaging. They both never apologized or even realized or wanted to accept, what horrible people they had become. It's hard and very sad----

Re: Forgiveness

Love my grandkids — Thu, 12 Sep 2024 18:32:26 GMT

@Shanus I'm Catholic but am very familiar with Yom Kippur and I think it's a wonderful tradition.

Just a note: I never lit a candle after Confession.

Re: Forgiveness

Love my grandkids — Thu, 12 Sep 2024 18:34:03 GMT

@Imaoldhippie Thank you for your kind response. I was really expecting blowback. I'm sorry for what you did and continue to suffer. It's easy for others to say we should forgive, isn't it?