topic Re: How to deal with a friend issue in Among Friends

How to deal with a friend issue

haddon9 — Wed, 17 Sep 2025 22:29:00 GMT

I am very frustrated with a friend.

I don't always feel like sharing in detail (this is more than I normally do here) without hurting her feelings.

I told her that I appreciated her giving me the names of those doctors very much but I know she is angry because I didn't give her a report right away.

Re: How to deal with a friend issue

Goldengate8361 — Thu, 29 Aug 2024 22:29:21 GMT

Your friend's response is out of line. Your response sounds very respectful to her and to yourself. Sometimes you just can't fix a little "crazy" in other people....so I would suggest that you try hard to not give it another thought. Just carry on. You can stay friends with her, but you'll just need to stay confident in your own rational response and not get too concerned about her irrational response.

Re: How to deal with a friend issue

KBEANS — Thu, 29 Aug 2024 22:30:56 GMT

Ask another friend or get a referral from your PC next time.

I don't like to recommend my doctors to others and I don't ask any friends who I should use.

My mom had an issue once and I learned from that many years ago.

Re: How to deal with a friend issue

chrystaltree — Thu, 29 Aug 2024 22:32:39 GMT

Ok, since this exact same thing happened with they gyn visit, you shouldn't have been surprised. I don't see a big deal here. If she's angry, that's her problem. You aren't required to share your personal health information with her just because she recommends a doctor. Although.... If she's recommending doctors to you, you have already shared some health information with her which explains why she feels you provide updates after the visits. I wouldn't say anything to her. She's miffed but she'll get over it. And stop discussing your health issues with her.

Re: How to deal with a friend issue

Wsmom — Thu, 29 Aug 2024 22:33:34 GMT

@haddon9 , I also have a friend who gets very concerned if I don't respond to texts right away. Sometimes I find it irritating but overall glad she is such a concerned friend.

As far as having to share things with this friend of yours your best bet is probably not to go to her for recs for new docs. That way she won't have any knowledge of what medical issues you may be dealing with.

Re: How to deal with a friend issue

haddon9 — Thu, 29 Aug 2024 22:34:30 GMT

@Goldengate8361 @KBEANS Thank you!

I thought that I was being rational and honestly I only told her about my health issue because when I came home from my summer vacation, I had Covid then I hurt my foot. She had asked how the vacation went and how I was doing.

She's the one who started in on using her foot doctor....I said okay but in the future I'm going to find other sources to look for new doctors.

Re: How to deal with a friend issue

sabatini — Thu, 29 Aug 2024 22:44:32 GMT

@haddon9, does your friend live alone? Does she have a circle of other friends to do things with?

If she's got limited social life, then something like her personal doctor recommendations to you might take on greater importance than it normally would.

And maybe she was hoping you'd gush a bit.

Re: How to deal with a friend issue

haddon9 — Wed, 17 Sep 2025 22:30:31 GMT

Re: How to deal with a friend issue

haddon9 — Wed, 17 Sep 2025 22:30:12 GMT

Re: How to deal with a friend issue

sabatini — Thu, 29 Aug 2024 22:58:20 GMT

@haddon9 wrote:
@sabatini She is married with two adult married children and grandchildren who live nearby. She sees them several times a month and has other friends as well.

As Emily Litella would say...

Re: How to deal with a friend issue

branny — Thu, 29 Aug 2024 23:05:23 GMT

kind of sounds like you don't really like this person. You invited her into your issues and when she asks how you are doing you don't want to talk and get angry. Why not just say all is well and thanks so much for your help.

Re: How to deal with a friend issue

Effie54 — Thu, 29 Aug 2024 23:12:21 GMT

@haddon9 You didn't do anything wrong. So I understand your frustration. Your friends seems very anxious and seems to have that anticipation that anyone she refers her medical professionals to has to report right away....with details. You two just might have different relating/communicating styles. Hers is she wants to know "right away"...and yours is once you get settled in, you'll let her know (which is preferable). If she had you hospitalized in her mind when you went to her OB/GYN, then to me it shows she has anticipatory anxiety. But again, you did nothing wrong. It's good that you like this new doc. Always a plus!

Re: How to deal with a friend issue

haddon9 — Wed, 17 Sep 2025 22:31:55 GMT

@Effie54 Thanks so much! In my heart I know that I didn't do anything wrong.

Re: How to deal with a friend issue

Effie54 — Thu, 29 Aug 2024 23:22:03 GMT

@haddon9 wrote:
@Effie54 Thanks so much! In my heart I know that I didn't do anything wrong but I feel that if I let her she could walk all over me and I just don't like that. I think most people don't feel like reporting to someone...she's not my mother for goodness sakes.

@haddon9 I know what you're saying. It can become a little suffocating at times. You could always tell her that you'll let her know (get in touch with her) after you've had a moment to destress. But I totally get where you're coming from.

Re: How to deal with a friend issue

msgb — Thu, 29 Aug 2024 23:28:04 GMT

What happens with your health if for you.

It is up to you what you do and don't want to share.

Perhaps go to a different friend if you need a referral for another doctor.

Re: How to deal with a friend issue

Janey2 — Thu, 29 Aug 2024 23:40:40 GMT

I would never tell this woman anything personnel. Next time you need a doctor ask your primary. They are usually very happy to give recommendations.

Re: How to deal with a friend issue

haddon9 — Thu, 29 Aug 2024 23:41:51 GMT

@Effie54 I like your response and I'm going to use it. I'll just say that I appreciate her concern but I need time for myself to de stress and unwind from the visit and the day.

Thanks!

Re: How to deal with a friend issue

Carmie — Fri, 30 Aug 2024 00:07:25 GMT

It sounds like the friend chooses great doctors. Thank her for the info and then let it go.

You don't have to tell her when your appointment is or if you even have one.

After your visit, at your leisure, you can thank her for the recommendation if you wish.

She is being a bother, but you are enabling her.

Re: How to deal with a friend issue

D Kay — Fri, 30 Aug 2024 00:14:49 GMT

Maybe she just feels overly responsible for how the visits went because she referred you to those doctors.

Re: How to deal with a friend issue

Jersey Born — Fri, 30 Aug 2024 00:34:06 GMT

@haddon9 - I understand exactly how you feel. Exactly. I know someone like your friend.

All you can do to keep the friendship peaceful is, going forward, not ask her for any more referrals to a doctor, and not even inform her you are going to a medical appointment. Don't reveal any medical issues you are having to her, either. She will want to become involved and might even want to direct your care. She is likely very well-meaning, but her level of desire to know every detail about your doctor/patient experiences makes you feel uncomfortable. As others have mentioned, her pervasive invasiveness is inherent to her personality.

She will never change, and she will just get upset with your lack of full disclosure to her about your personal medical matters. I hope your friend will not "punish" you for not racing to your phone to call her about your appointment. Your friend might suddenly become unavailable to you, or ignore you by not returning your phone calls or texts for a couple of weeks, etc., sort of "to teach you a lesson" for not behaving as she desired,