topic Re: Too many invites in Among Friends

Too many invites

Trailrun23 — Tue, 02 Apr 2024 20:07:46 GMT

It's already started; I have received two wedding shower invites, two baby shower invites, and two wedding invitations....one which is out of state. Add to those two save the date cards and a college graduation. I simply can't afford to buy gifts for all of these... how can I handle this without looking cheap? Gift cards are a definite no. I would like to acknowledge each invite with a gift, but even small gifts are expensive for this many events. I also know buying anything not on a registry is considered tacky. Any ideas? These are all relatives or children/grandchildren of close friends.

Re: Too many invites

Love my grandkids — Tue, 02 Apr 2024 20:20:57 GMT

@Trailrun23 I personally would not be gifting grandkids of friends. As to the others, send them a card with your love and best wishes. Do not beggar yourself by sending gifts you can't afford and DON'T apologize to any of them for the lack of a gift.

Re: Too many invites

AZfem — Tue, 02 Apr 2024 20:38:17 GMT

Just because you are sent invitations, doesn't mean you have to attend them all. Its not a court order. Decide which are most important to you and decline the rest. You do not have to send gifts if you do not attend. I would never feel that obligated just because I received an invitation. Its OK to say no.

Re: Too many invites

Mom2Dogs — Tue, 02 Apr 2024 21:45:48 GMT

Years ago I received a wedding invite -it was a family situation and we were not on speaking terms...I sent a nice card, no gift...no guilt on my part either.

Re: Too many invites

ThinkingOutLoud — Tue, 02 Apr 2024 21:49:07 GMT

First, I've never heard that not adhering to the registry is tacky. Maybe it depends on how well thought out it is? Anyway, it sounds like a 'sliding scale' is in order. Basically, the closer the relationship, the more you spend and if you're familiar but not close, you spend less.

Re: Too many invites

JeanLouiseFinch — Tue, 02 Apr 2024 22:48:23 GMT

You say you want to give gifts to all because you don't want to look cheap but you also acknowledge that you can't afford to do that. How are we supposed to solve that for you? Giving a gift because you don't want to look cheap is the wrong reason for giving a gift.

You are not obligated to participate in any of these. You could attend the weddings w/o attending the bridal shower, or vice versa. Grandchildren of friends is going too far, IMO, and that would be an automatic no for me. Choose which ones you want to participate in and decline the others. Good/close friends will understand and accept your decision.

My good friend's daughter recently married several states away from us. It would have cost us a week's vacation for DH for us to attend, not to mention traveling expenses there and back, hotels, wear and tear on the car, boarding our dog. There was a bridal shower here last September when she and her fiancé were up for a visit. I brought them an extra nice shower gift and expressed our regrets that we wouldn't be able to attend the wedding. Everyone understood and there were no hard feelings.

Re: Too many invites

Sooner — Tue, 02 Apr 2024 22:13:57 GMT

@Trailrun23 wrote:
It's already started; I have received two wedding shower invites, two baby shower invites, and two wedding invitations....one which is out of state. Add to those two save the date cards and a college graduation. I simply can't afford to buy gifts for all of these... how can I handle this without looking cheap? Gift cards are a definite no. I would like to acknowledge each invite with a gift, but even small gifts are expensive for this many events. I also know buying anything not on a registry is considered tacky. Any ideas? These are all relatives or children/grandchildren of close friends.

@Trailrun23 No way should you be sending gifts to grandchildren of friends, nor should you be "asked" to or "invited." Unless of course these children are close to you.

I don't see any reason a gift card is not feasable. Why not? A small gift card of $20 or even $10 is fine in with a nice card. If people don't appreciate it, in other words if they tag you as cheap, then you need to remember that's on THEM not you!

And if they are that way, I'd think long and hard about the relationship. Maybe it is one burden you don't need.

Re: Too many invites

Iwantcoffee — Tue, 02 Apr 2024 22:15:37 GMT

Events can be acknowledge by sending a card. You are not required to go to events you are invited to or give gifts.

Re: Too many invites

mrshckynut — Tue, 02 Apr 2024 22:22:41 GMT

@Trailrun23

we do too for us a card is enough

mrshckynut

Re: Too many invites

beach-mom — Tue, 02 Apr 2024 22:29:21 GMT

@ThinkingOutLoud wrote:
First, I've never heard that not adhering to the registry is tacky. Maybe it depends on how well thought out it is? Anyway, it sounds like a 'sliding scale' is in order. Basically, the closer the relationship, the more you spend and if you're familiar but not close, you spend less.

@ThinkingOutLoud - I had never heard this either. I rarely give gifts on the registry. If I know them well, like our nephews, one of our children's close friends, or a close friend's child, I know enough about them to select a gift of my choice. For example, one of the couples had been living together a while. Their registry had all kinds of fancy kitchen gadgets and small appliances on it. I also saw lamps, pictures, etc. But they didn't have matching towels in their home. I didn't see those on their registry either. So DH and I gave them matching towel sets in two of the colors they decorate with. They seemed to be happy, but who knows.

DD tells me her generation gives cash, and they have to "pay for their plate." So basically you have to give a couple cash equal to what your dinner at the reception costs. I think that is ridiculous, and I refuse to do it!

And I'm not a fan of "help us pay for our honeymoon," although I did give our former teenage babysitter a special lunch on her tropical honeymoon years ago. That was the first I'd heard of that!

When I got married, unless people gave us a check, we didn't know what the value of our gifts was. As far as I was concerned, all of our gifts were special and priceless!

Re: Too many invites

FancyPhillyshopper — Tue, 02 Apr 2024 22:43:54 GMT

Many times if you receive an invitation it is an honor, because someone is thinking about you, and cares enough to invite you to a special event/celebration. You should be pleased you have all of these wonderful friendships.

I do not think it is all about people wanting gifts--many times these days young people can go off and do destination weddings without any guests.

I also agree with you no gift cards--I think of them as lacking in imagination. No, you are NOT required to just buy from the wedding registry.

I happen to be an excellent shopper (which is why I like QVC), and an excellent gift giver. Most of my gifts appear to have cost many times what I spend. When I choose to give gifts, I want my gifts to be memorable.

Here is what I recommend for babies--go to a vintage antique store, or look online, and find some small silver spoons (I usually only give sterling silver, but silverplate is acceptable). Prices can be quite reasonable! You then wrap it very nicely, and say the baby is born with a silver spoon--quite memorable.

Just so you know, Tiffany's sells similar spoons, and baby combs, and these cost HUNDREDS of dollars. Yes, I have bought and gifted them for relatives, but the antique ones are prettier and cheaper.

However, it does often take time and energy to search out bargains!

For weddings, there is nothing better than a lovely pair of crystal wine glasses or candle sticks--again, can easily be purchased vintage. I also buy Waterford on other sites at great prices.

Another option for everybody is a nice silverplated or crystal frame--great for photos.

Finally, if even minimum budgets are a struggle, another option is the name of the person or people artistically drawn in script with colors and designs, and ready to be framed. I see this idea a lot in craft shows.

Best wishes!

Re: Too many invites

Hoovermom — Wed, 03 Apr 2024 00:34:09 GMT

I received a "first" for me for wedding invitations......paraphrasing this....."we have been so blessed to acquire so much that we request you purchase the selected items from our registry. If you don't wish to do this, please contribute to our honeymoon fund." Wow is what I said and I love these friends of ours

Re: Too many invites

Love my grandkids — Wed, 03 Apr 2024 02:31:07 GMT

@Hoovermom If I got this I'd be picking my jaw up off the floor. I will NEVER contribute to a honeymoon fund.

Stay where you can afford. Greediness knows no bounds, nor does the nerve of some couples. I'm 76 and "back when" people would have been horrified to get a request like this.

Re: Too many invites

Franklinbell — Wed, 03 Apr 2024 01:32:30 GMT

@FancyPhillyshopper @Great ideas! Love the silver spoon idea!

Re: Too many invites

Trailrun23 — Wed, 03 Apr 2024 03:40:59 GMT

I never expected anyone to "solve it " for me, just looking for suggestions. Sorry you were offended.

Re: Too many invites

Trailrun23 — Wed, 03 Apr 2024 03:53:59 GMT

I never considered attending them all. Two of them are on the same day. I have declined the wedding that is out of state. I will probably attend both baby showers since they are much more fun. Not sure about the others yet. No, I know I do not have to send a gift when I am invited, and of course I know I don't have to attend. I was hoping for some ideas but I will just have to figure it out myself.

Re: Too many invites

colleena — Wed, 03 Apr 2024 04:03:25 GMT

@Trailrun23 Not at all what you were looking for but ... in the last 10 years or so I've learned to say "no" & it's an amazing feeling that I can do that. Whatever you decide to do, do what's right for you.

Re: Too many invites

ThinkingOutLoud — Wed, 03 Apr 2024 04:33:30 GMT

@Trailrun23 wrote:
I never considered attending them all. Two of them are on the same day. I have declined the wedding that is out of state. I will probably attend both baby showers since they are much more fun. Not sure about the others yet. No, I know I do not have to send a gift when I am invited, and of course I know I don't have to attend. I was hoping for some ideas but I will just have to figure it out myself.

So are you looking for gift ideas? That's not what I understood since you mentioned sticking to the gift registry. If you are wondering about affordable gifts though, one thing that comes to mind is something a family member would do. Their hobby was knitting and they would knit baby blankets and full-size ones to give as gifts for babies and weddings. It's useful, no one else will be giving that item and there's no 'figuring out a gift' every single time an invite shows up.

Re: Too many invites

Sooner — Wed, 03 Apr 2024 05:02:14 GMT

In today's world, people have too much stuff. So make it simple, give something you know is useful and give a gift card or cash. There is no point in fretting over it.

Times change and etiquette changes. People don't need or want stuff, they need to pay the bills and replace phones.

Re: Too many invites

elated — Wed, 03 Apr 2024 05:36:04 GMT

You might try Etsy for gifts. They have many ideas and they are inexpensive. This would help you with your budget. Hope everything works for you.