topic Re: Handling the cost of having visitors... in Among Friends

Handling the cost of having visitors...

house_cat — Wed, 24 Jan 2024 17:18:07 GMT

I retired last year and I'm trying very hard to live within my means on a drastically reduced income. Since moving here 2 1/2 years ago, I have had frequent overnight guests, some staying as long as 10 days.

This week a friend is visiting and I cleared my schedule, which means turning down four days of substitute teaching income, as well as having to fund expensive sightseeing adventures.

I'm blessed to have people in my life who want to see me, but the cost of it is quite burdensome.

How do you handle the cost of having houseguests?

Re: Handling the cost of having visitors...

ahoymate — Wed, 24 Jan 2024 17:21:17 GMT

10 days is more than generous!!!!! I would simple say you have a very fluid work schedule, as it sounds like you sometimes get work, sometimes not. Being retired is quite a change for you, with the high cost of living. Hopefully, they'll get the point.

But, I wouldn't allow someone to stay 10 days. Nicely lay down the law house_cat.

Re: Handling the cost of having visitors...

SilleeMee — Wed, 24 Jan 2024 17:27:06 GMT

Sometimes you just gotta put your foot down and tell them

BYOBoarding

BYOBread

BYOB....whatever.

Re: Handling the cost of having visitors...

Janey2 — Wed, 24 Jan 2024 17:29:05 GMT

You have to make it clear to all you know that you are semi retired. If you are called for a job you have to take it. Staying 10 days with someone is a bit much. Tell these people that you are not able to entertain them all the time they stay with you as you work. Sometimes you have to be honest.

Re: Handling the cost of having visitors...

ThinkingOutLoud — Wed, 24 Jan 2024 17:31:35 GMT

Use the sandwich approach at the beginning and just make sure that when you're with them, you're not on the phone, etc so they don't feel like you're not happy they're there. This will give you some wiggle room so you can substitute teach and hopefully not have to cover the cost of every meal either?

"Great - so glad you're coming. It'll be wonderful to see you.

I'll be able to spend a couple/few days doing some things with you but I have other engagements part of the time so you'll be able to explore on your own as well.

I'm really excited and look forward to your visit."

Re: Handling the cost of having visitors...

Texasmouse — Wed, 24 Jan 2024 17:32:36 GMT

When I visit my kids up north, they don't take time off from their jobs. I do my own thing during the day, then we visit over dinner and throughout the rest of the evening.

If it causes you a financial hardship to not work while your guests are visiting, just let them know that they'll be on their own during the time that you're at work.

Re: Handling the cost of having visitors...

house_cat — Wed, 24 Jan 2024 17:33:29 GMT

@ThinkingOutLoud

Thank you. I think what I was looking for is a script for next time and you provided it.

Re: Handling the cost of having visitors...

jackthebear — Wed, 24 Jan 2024 17:33:37 GMT

@house_cat wrote:
I retired last year and I'm trying very hard to live within my means on a drastically reduced income. Since moving here 2 1/2 years ago, I have had frequent overnight guests, some staying as long as 10 days.

This week a friend is visiting and I cleared my schedule, which means turning down four days of substitute teaching income, as well as having to fund expensive sightseeing adventures.

I'm blessed to have people in my life who want to see me, but the cost of it is quite burdensome.

How do you handle the cost of having houseguests?

just say no, or that you have to work

that isn't possible,

no J A D E

justify

argue

defend

explain

Re: Handling the cost of having visitors...

ahoymate — Wed, 24 Jan 2024 17:36:05 GMT

Some people are blockheads!! I have a friend who told me she was going to visit another friend and stay for 10 days!! I said "10 days"!!!! But, being a blockhead and very self serving, she didn't bat any eye.

Be honest and you'll be ok.

Re: Handling the cost of having visitors...

house_cat — Wed, 24 Jan 2024 17:36:23 GMT

@jackthebear

I appreciate the advice, but it seems impossible to me. If a friend says they want to visit me, I can't say no. I think that would be terribly hurtful.

Re: Handling the cost of having visitors...

Zhills — Wed, 24 Jan 2024 17:43:59 GMT

FYI..."Everybody you know is your friend and would love to visit once you move to Florida...or NC!

Re: Handling the cost of having visitors...

Zhills — Wed, 24 Jan 2024 17:44:54 GMT

"Fish and Visitors smell in 3 days!"

Re: Handling the cost of having visitors...

house_cat — Wed, 24 Jan 2024 17:46:42 GMT

@Zhills

Ha! Ain't that the truth! It wasn't any better when I lived in the Los Angeles area, but I had a heck of a lot more money then. Also I had a regular full time job and people seemed to respect that more than my substitute teaching job.

Re: Handling the cost of having visitors...

on the bay — Wed, 24 Jan 2024 17:48:41 GMT

@house_cat,

As much as you like having guests, when it becomes a hardship, you probably being human feel some resentment either with them for being so clueless or yourself for not being able to have some boundaries., and not being able to say no.

It's ok to say how about the 4th- 7th or whatever dates that are a smaller window and let them know that you have to work and would like to be able to spend time with them.

My bil always says the fish rule-

"guests like fish begin to smell after 3 days."

I don't like that analogy but I think it's kinda true!

It is a lot of work to have guests and can get very expensive with food, electricity, driving places etc and missing days of work.

Do you live near a beach or lake or they just love you and want to get away? You seem like a very sweet and kind person.

Hey I've got some time coming up-I'll be over too and get those other guests to go home lol!

Re: Handling the cost of having visitors...

Zhills — Wed, 24 Jan 2024 17:49:41 GMT

@house_cat wrote:
@Zhills

Ha! Ain't that the truth! It wasn't any better when I lived in the Los Angeles area, but I had a heck of a lot more money then. Also I had a regular full time job and people seemed to respect that more than my substitute teaching job.

LA is a nice resort area also!

Re: Handling the cost of having visitors...

rockygems123 — Wed, 24 Jan 2024 17:49:42 GMT

@house_cat

Some of my visitors have been generous, others have not and their income level is no barometer of how they pitch in, it's their personality.

One couple insisted I drive them around for several days and them not a rent a car. It took a long time each visit to convince them that since I run my own business I can't be free all day every day.

Finally had to cut them off completely, it wasn't sinking in that they needed to participate financially on their many visits. Also my local friends said they would not talk to me again if I let them continue to take advantage lol.

They were kidding of course but I appreciated the support.

Re: Handling the cost of having visitors...

Kachina624 — Wed, 24 Jan 2024 17:49:50 GMT

@house_cat. Theres nothing wrong or disgraceful about being honest with your visitors and explaining that, like most retirees, your income has been reduced and you depend on your teaching jobs. Then go do it and let the guests either entertain themselves or plan to come in the summer when school's out.

As long as you volunteer to bear the entire expense, they have no way of knowing you can't really afford it. You need to make it clear that there are fees involved, ask if they are willing to pay X dollars. If not, do something else.

Frankly, your friends are rather inconsiderate. My guests bend over backwards to pay their own expenses and insist on chipping in for gas. You've become their expense-free vacation. They can take advantage of you only if you let them.

Re: Handling the cost of having visitors...

house_cat — Wed, 24 Jan 2024 17:51:02 GMT

@on the bay

You're providing the opportunity for me to try out my new response... "I'm sorry. That won't work."

Ugh....

Re: Handling the cost of having visitors...

house_cat — Wed, 24 Jan 2024 17:52:23 GMT

@Zhills

My next move will be to Antarctica... no forwarding address!

Re: Handling the cost of having visitors...

Nightowlz — Wed, 24 Jan 2024 18:06:57 GMT

When we visit one of my sisters in Fl I always leave my sister money to help with food, utilities? We stayed there over 2 weeks last summer.

I think your company should be doing the same. They should not expect you to foot the bill when it comes to meals or adventures.

Next time you have work you can do for income ask your visitor to change their date of visit that you need to work when you can.