topic Re: Insecurity in Among Friends

Insecurity

CherryHugs — Wed, 08 Nov 2023 18:58:33 GMT

I am 37 yrs old and should not need to get compliments from anyone!

But I rarely ever have gotten compliments from friends.

My Step Family has not given me any compliments in the 3 years I have known them. I mean not any! For how I look or am dressed, things I have done, nothing at all.

Yet they give each other in the family compliments all of the time!

Being an insecure person without alot of self confidence-or-self esteem and being an introvert....All of this makes me feel so insecure! Like I feel ugly or look stupid.

I always try and look my best with hair, clothes, makeup. I try to be friendly even though I feel shy and quiet! Plus I have a good sense of humor and say positive things when around others!

I feel Im a good person, and a nice person and good friend. I treat others with kindness and have respect for them.

Just not sure what to do to feel secure in how I am dressed or how I look when not one person says anything.

It makes me feel very insecure and unworthy person. I know it sounds silly!

Has anyone here dealt with any of this? Has anything worked in dealing with this type of thing?

Oh, and I compliment others if I like their hair or outfit etc.

I am not sure I am explaining all of this so it is understandable in how I feel.

Re: Insecurity

Imaoldhippie — Wed, 08 Nov 2023 18:08:31 GMT

Your step-family sounds utterly jealous of you. Its hard when you have the issues you named, but try your best to ignore them and know you look fabulous!

Dont know what happend to the print size. Sorry.

Re: Insecurity

Ronettes — Wed, 08 Nov 2023 18:11:05 GMT

I feel the same as you, sometimes getting that 'left out' feeling as well.

I moved on from many of those people, even though some of them were family, because they made me feel even worse about myself.

I found new friends and a new life, not everyone is going to be like your family.

I learned to make the best of myself - hair, makeup, clothing styles to flatter my personal self, and not to worry about what anyone else thinks, what would it matter if they liked something I wore or how I looked?

Being happy with oneself is more important than the opinion of others. Took me time to learn that!

Re: Insecurity

ThinkingOutLoud — Wed, 08 Nov 2023 18:11:06 GMT

Looking for something outside yourself will always leave you lacking. There's always room for 'that wasn't sincere enough, not what I was hoping to be commented on, not...not...not...'.

I don't care about compliments, especially about my looks. I prefer to be noticed for my talents, skills, abilities, kindnesses, contributions, etc.

Re: Insecurity

ciao_bella — Wed, 08 Nov 2023 19:00:17 GMT

@CherryHugs wrote:
I am 37 yrs old and should not need to get compliments from anyone!

But I rarely ever have gotten compliments from friends.

My Step Family has not given me any compliments in the 3 years I have known them. I mean not any! For how I look or am dressed, things I have done, nothing at all.

Yet they give each other in the family compliments all of the time!

Being an insecure person without alot of self confidence-or-self esteem and being an introvert....All of this makes me feel so insecure! I hate being around them but at times I need to be.

I always try and look my best with hair, clothes, makeup. I try to be friendly even though I feel shy and quiet!

I feel Im a good person, kind person, nice person! I treat others with respect and I am a positive not negative person too.

Just not sure what to do to feel secure in how I am dressed or how I look when not one person says anything. It makes me feel very insecure and unworthy of anything.

Has anyone here dealt with any of this? Has anything worked in dealing with this type of thing?

Oh, and I compliment others if I like their hair or outfit etc.

I am not sure I am explaining all of this so it is understandable!

@CherryHugs Know that you don't need to get the validation of others in order to determine who you are. I'm not a psychologist or any kind of therapist, nor have I had any kind of training on this topic, but my life experiences have taught me that so long as I define the type of person I want to be and am - confident, intelligent, honest, dependable, loyal, sincere, beautiful, bright etc. - when others don't compliment me, they're only affirming what I already know to be true of myself.

Even though you have an issue with your self esteem and it is not being helped by those who repeatedly ignore complimenting you, I'd suggest that at the very least you start to listen to and believe only the good and positive things that other people say about you and not the negative behavior of your Step Family. . At the same time, start to think positively about yourself - really look for and highlight some qualities about yourself and affirm them to yourself, out loud. Limiting your exposure to these people as much as possible is probably best, but it's difficult to and can't always be helped. So, when you do have to be in their company, hold your head up high, walk in the room like a confident diva and the heck with them and their jealouos behavior, because that's exactly what it is - jealous that they would feel less important about themselves if they complimented you.

Re: Insecurity

Queen of shop — Wed, 08 Nov 2023 18:44:20 GMT

@CherryHugs Because you are dazzling and they are jealous of you.

Always be YOU and do YOU. It doesn't matter what anyone thinks. No one can dim your light unless you allow them to. Shine on.

Re: Insecurity

Snowpuppy — Wed, 08 Nov 2023 18:47:06 GMT

Never look for your image in a cracked mirror.

What makes their knowledge so superior to your own ?

Re: Insecurity

KittySoftPaws — Wed, 08 Nov 2023 18:49:25 GMT

First thing is, it's rare for Women to compliment one another, sad but true. I do sometimes, but it's rare, and when I do it does mean alot because we as Women all know we don't do it. Secondly, continue to dress and make yourself look and feel good, but do it for you, not for anyone else. When we let others dicate our feelings of self worth we are bound to be dissapointed. Keep in mind, most people don't even like themselves! All you are doing is setting yourself up for dispointment over and again. Thirdly, you are young and with age you will learn these things through experience and you will become more confident. I'm 56 and trust me, you will. Until then, stop worrying about it and if it happens great, if not, so what. Lastly, stop labeling yourself with such negative descriptions. Instead, use positive ones. You can become what you beleive and tell yourself.

Re: Insecurity

BirkiLady — Wed, 08 Nov 2023 18:49:54 GMT

Be comfortable with your inner self and you won't need compliments from anyone.

The grab for attention of outer beauty is a plea for instant comfort, but has little to do with a person's real worth. What about integrity, thoughtfulness, kindness, intelligence, honesty and other qualities which are far more valuable in all situations that physical beauty or a well-dressed appearance?

Perhaps you need to be more interesting, fun or helpful to those around you than concerned about your appearance. Inner graces shine brightest.

Re: Insecurity

Malcontent — Wed, 08 Nov 2023 19:16:41 GMT

@CherryHugs

Easier said than done, but your existence isn’t about what others think about you.

Perhaps, you weigh too much on what others think?

You’re a good person, that’s enough.

Bless You!

Re: Insecurity

Posh Poodle — Wed, 08 Nov 2023 19:17:34 GMT

@CherryHugs your post moved me to respond.

First I don't think you're insecure. You may be introverted or shy as you stated but insecurity is a different matter.

I've noticed this in a lot of people but there's some out there who wouldn't compliment anybody for any reason whatsoever. I agree with a previous reply to you that your family sounds jealous.

There are some people I know who never initiate talking to me (or others) or never given a compliment. It seems I always have to greet them in conversation or give them a positive word. It does get a little discouraging. And then there are others who are uplifting.

You can't make people like you and you can't appease or please people. So don't waste your valuable energy.
Keep doing your usual beauty and fashion choices because you are worthy of that.
Surround yourself with people who are positive and like-minded as you. Maybe volunteer with an agency. Or send cards to shut-ins.
Think about this by asking yourself: where does my identity as a woman and person come from?

Your life is priceless and beautiful!

Re: Insecurity

SilleeMee — Wed, 08 Nov 2023 19:21:17 GMT

There are days when I feel invisible like no one sees or cares about me. Those days seem to come more often the older I get. I know that sounds sad and I'm not bragging, but I used to be a head-turner beauty with lots of influential appeal. It's gone now and I just live my life the way my cards have fallen. I haven't given up though. I try to keep looking my best and I don't give a hoot what others might think of it.

Re: Insecurity

Jaspertimes — Wed, 08 Nov 2023 19:27:52 GMT

@CherryHugs I can compliment you right now on the traits you listed that you possess. Do you support yourself? Do you work hard? Are you there for people that need you? Be proud of those things. Quit trying to please others and be the best person you can be. To people that matter, that's all they want. Finally, compliment yourself.. I look pretty darn good and my hair did great today, just little things. And if it's an issue you just can't overcome, talk to someone. There are great women counselors out there and that's a positive step too.

Re: Insecurity

LindaSal — Wed, 08 Nov 2023 19:47:42 GMT

@Queen of shop Nice advice

Re: Insecurity

Franell — Wed, 08 Nov 2023 19:50:13 GMT

Have you discussed this with your husband?

Re: Insecurity

LindaSal — Thu, 09 Nov 2023 12:45:30 GMT

@CherryHugs I'm sorry that you feel this way. I know a bit about it as I've never been one to be complimented on my looks or fashion either and at times in my life it has been hurtful. I am a good person, a good mom and was a hard worker all of my working years.

I always complimented others along the way and I always have a smile for you. DH put it all in perspective for me once...........he said people always want to be around you and you don't even realize it, some are jealous of your looks and your happy/positive disposition.

Others just wish they were you.

I just turned 63 yesterday and I'm still a happy person, happy to be here after surviving breast cancer and feel I've done my best and you know what? It's good enough. Feel better

Re: Insecurity

GingerHead — Thu, 09 Nov 2023 01:33:45 GMT

@CherryHugs

I understand, I've always been terribly shy and introverted.

Growing up I was pale as a ghost (redhead) and POW skinny....not a good look and my dad seemed to be obsessed with and complemented women freely who looked nothing like me (he was big on tans for some reason, etc, maybe silly but it stood out to me at the time) and never complimented me. So that really affected me early on.

Family members should but sometimes don't know the affects they can have on one another especially young women. So I get that.

Also one thing that could be going on is that you are putting off a vibe that you don't want to be noticed or it seems like you'd feel uncomfortable being the center of attention in that way, especially since you describe yourself as shy and introverted.

Some people do feel uncomfortable accepting compliments and maybe that's a little of what could be going on....people are not wanting to make you feel uncomfortable.

Try this little trick I love....When I look in the mirror instead of instantly picking myself apart like I used to do, I like to say hello beautiful with a big smile and it's really a mind reset. Sometimes we need to nuture and give our inner child the love and attention we didn't get growing up, etc.

Re: Insecurity

NEvans2 — Wed, 08 Nov 2023 20:10:01 GMT

@LindaSal Happy Birthday! Hope you had a great day yesterday!🎂🎉❤

Re: Insecurity

LTT1 — Wed, 08 Nov 2023 20:26:49 GMT

@CherryHugs

You are looking for validation through at least being recognized for your role as part of the step family.

Forvthem to not even give you that is a shame.

We ALL need this recognition... after all, we are all part of the "human family".

As others have mentioned, when their behavior affects our confidence and self-esteem, it is time to start making other plans that do not include spending time with them.

I am sorry to have to tell you this💔

Re: Insecurity

Sage04 — Wed, 08 Nov 2023 21:08:52 GMT

@CherryHugs are you a step daughter through your mom or your dad? Either way maybe they feel jealous because of the closeness you have with that person. You don't need them to compliment you. You know you look good and just keep loving yourself.

Look in the mirror and love what you see. You are all that.

Me, now I don't like compliments but I always say "thank you".

At least once a day you should say "I know I look good". There seems to be a lot of jealousy going on with the people you hang out with.

If you do something for someone and you feel good about doing it, that's what counts.

And by the way, you are not ugly or stupid. I bet you are more intelligent than all of them put together. So claim it.