topic Re: Too Many Years? in Among Friends

Too Many Years?

Puzzle Piece — Wed, 27 Sep 2023 03:17:49 GMT

It's been 42 years. I still think of a guy that would have been my husband except for the fact that my present husband had me run him off. I liked that guy and we got along fine. I've thought about him through the years. I owed him an explanation and maybe an apology. We are both getting on in our years and he probably wouldn't remember me but I'd like to see him and speak to him - possibly for the last time. He lives 4 hours away and I cannot drive to see him. I guess I could write him a letter but I wouldn't want to annnoy him as he was not happy for me not choosing him.

Any thoughts?

Re: Too Many Years?

Mersha — Wed, 27 Sep 2023 03:25:35 GMT

It has been my experience to leave the past in the past.

Re: Too Many Years?

Goodie2shoes — Wed, 27 Sep 2023 03:28:54 GMT

Are you not happly married? If you are thinking about a guy from 42 yrs ago, is it worth it ? JMO.

Re: Too Many Years?

Love my grandkids — Wed, 27 Sep 2023 03:29:22 GMT

@Puzzle Piece The past is the past. Let sleeping dogs lie. You may be romanticizing what you think you remember.

Re: Too Many Years?

Desertdi — Wed, 27 Sep 2023 03:36:00 GMT

NOT a good idea...especially if you are still married.

A high school boyfriend got my phone number from my MOTHER...and (after 40 years) he began calling me...numerous times a day...professing his undying "love".

Told me he was coming (2000 miles) to VISIT ME. I was traumatized!

Re: Too Many Years?

Mersha — Wed, 27 Sep 2023 03:37:10 GMT

@Desertdi Did you finally convince him not to come and see you?

Re: Too Many Years?

Kachina624 — Wed, 27 Sep 2023 03:40:11 GMT

@Desertdi. Invite him to visit you in Phoenix in the summertime. That'll get rid of him!

Re: Too Many Years?

San Antonio Gal — Wed, 27 Sep 2023 03:43:34 GMT

@Puzzle Piece - You said he probaby wouldn't remember you so you certainly don't owe him an explanation or apology. I don't see the point of contacting him other than to tickle your fancy.

Re: Too Many Years?

DSD2 — Wed, 27 Sep 2023 03:47:24 GMT

@Love my grandkids wrote:
@Puzzle Piece The past is the past. Let sleeping dogs lie. You may be romanticizing what you think you remember.

@Puzzle Piece I think @Love my grandkids is providing sound advice.

It's human nature to wonder about the past and ruminate on what might have been. However, there usually is a reason when people don't end up together. Sometimes, things were just not meant to be.

Re: Too Many Years?

Mersha — Wed, 27 Sep 2023 03:56:27 GMT

@DSD2 I lived one of those "not to be" things.

I dated a guy two years older than me through my teen years. I was totally infatuated with. He was my first love.

He broke up with me for a friend of mine. I was totally devastated and it took quite awhile to work through it.

Fast forward decades later, he contacts me on Facebook. He just finished his third marriage and I think he is looking for #4.

He sounded like a jerk and we had nothing in common. If not for that break up I would not have the life I had of a job I loved, opportunity of living in DC and New York and a multitude of other things.

It was a case of thank God for unanswered prayers.

Re: Too Many Years?

DSD2 — Wed, 27 Sep 2023 04:02:26 GMT

@Mersha wrote:
@DSD2 I lived one of those "not to be" things.

I dated a guy two years older than me through my teen years. I was totally infatuated with. He was my first love.

He broke up with me for a friend of mine. I was totally devastated and it took quite awhile to work through it.

Fast forward decades later, he contacts me on Facebook. He just finished his third marriage and I think he is looking for #4.

He sounded like a jerk and we had nothing in common. If not for that break up I would not have the life I had of a job I loved, opportunity of living in DC and New York and a multitude of other things.

It was a case of thank God for unanswered prayers.

@Mersha young love can be so heartbreaking. You sound like a resiliant, wise woman who has lived a life she has loved. Bless you.

Re: Too Many Years?

Mersha — Wed, 27 Sep 2023 04:06:58 GMT

@DSD2 Thank you so much for your kind words. They are appreciated.

I am not sure how wise I am these days but I try.

Blessings to you!!

Re: Too Many Years?

LizzieInSRQ — Wed, 27 Sep 2023 04:27:37 GMT

@Puzzle Piece how would you feel if your husband did this?

Re: Too Many Years?

SportyShorty07 — Wed, 27 Sep 2023 05:50:20 GMT

@Puzzle Piece An ex boyfriend blindsided me with a breakup on the phone on Christmas Eve in 2019. My ex texted me 2 months ago after no contact for nearly 5 years saying that he's sorry for how he ended things and that I'm an absolute gem and he thinks of me fondly and often. My ex was a handsome, funny and brilliant man who suffered from depression and he ended things because he resented that the fun times, happiness and kindness I gave him helped a lot, but couldn't fully cure his depression. I went through a wide array of emotions reading that text: confusion to anger to sadness and I even cried because I was overwhelmed by thoughts of him again. It felt like he wanted to let go of guilt, but didn't really consider how that would make me feel so many years later. I didn't respond to his text.

I realized through different breakups that sometimes we have to make our own closure and memories can live in our hearts without needing to revisit a relationship. Its like driving a car- you can't fully focus on whats in front of you if you're looking in the rearview mirror for too long. Would this help you or hurt you to reach out to your highschool boyfriend? Can you talk to your husband about these feelings? Can you write a letter getting all of your feelings out and never send it? I hope that whatever decision you do make brings you clarity.

Re: Too Many Years?

OKPrincess — Wed, 27 Sep 2023 07:54:38 GMT

If you're both married, leave things alone. The past is the past.

@Puzzle Piece

Re: Too Many Years?

Imaoldhippie — Wed, 27 Sep 2023 09:41:02 GMT

Never put anything like that it writing. You may regret it later on. Let sleeping dogs lie.

Re: Too Many Years?

AngelPuppy1 — Wed, 27 Sep 2023 09:47:38 GMT

If you are still married, then my opinion is that you should not contact the former boyfriend. That would be very disrespectful to your husband. Just think how you would feel if the tables were turned? Would you like it if your husband contacted his former flame? It's o.k. to have memories --- we all do --- but that is exactly what they are --- memories --- things from the past. If you were divorced, that would be another thing.

Re: Too Many Years?

KingstonMom — Wed, 27 Sep 2023 10:02:03 GMT

Ask yourself what you would gain by having contact with the ex.

There's your answer.

BTW, your husband couldn't have "had you run him off", if YOU didn't want to run him off, for one reason or another.

You're just making excuses to yourself, to contact him.

I feel sad for your husband.

Re: Too Many Years?

sarahpanda — Wed, 27 Sep 2023 10:08:44 GMT

My 'first love, the one I thought I couldn't live without', dumped me for a cheerleader when I was 18 . I was heartbroken - but I see him around this small town from timei to time, weighs about 350, missing teeth, can't hardly walk...whew, dodged a bullet there!

Re: Too Many Years?

LizzieInSRQ — Wed, 27 Sep 2023 10:37:30 GMT

@Puzzle Piece this is completely about your ego. Spend time examining that.