topic Re: When Do You Know It's Time To Move On? in Among Friends

When Do You Know It's Time To Move On?

BarbiHollywood — Wed, 27 Sep 2023 12:31:58 GMT

Good morning. I have an issue currently happening with a good friend and was wondering if anyone's ever had the same thing happen. I'm trying really harrrd to figure out if it's just time to move on.

Friend and I have known each other about 15 years. Great person, funny, always have good laughs and a good time when we get together. We've never had a fight or even a disagreement, but what seems to be just out of the blue, we're disconnected this past year. We used to text each other a few times a day whether it was just to say hello or to let the other one know that we bumped into a mutual friend or to share a funny meme. Things changed. No more of any of that. This past January, I got an invitation to her daughter's baby shower.. I didn't want to go because our friendship took that sudden shift and it would have felt uncomfortable, but I went. She wasn't as friendly to me as she once was, and I even noticed that a mutual friend was a bit cold to me, too. I made the most of the day and gave a very nice gift. We had lunch at the end of April, but I had to cut it short due to an emergency that I needed to handle ASAP. Got a text in July that we should get together to have lunch for my JUNE birthday, but nothing happened. Got a last-minute text last week asking about lunch that day to which I quickly asked if we could do it later in the week. No answer. That's where we are now. No plans, not even immediate responses to texts. I just don't know what happened. I'm thinking of calling to see what might be happening on her end, but my feelings are kinda too hurt right now to pick up the phone. Should I take this as a sign that it's just time to move on?

Re: When Do You Know It's Time To Move On?

Jaspertimes — Wed, 27 Sep 2023 12:54:06 GMT

Call.

Re: When Do You Know It's Time To Move On?

manny2 — Wed, 27 Sep 2023 12:54:10 GMT

It sounds like you need to communicate. Life gets busy and sometimes we don’t text or call as often as we did. I would sit down with her and ask if there is an issue. Tell her how you feel. If friendship is important to both of you. Then you will do what needs to be done.

We all have this inflated idea that other people know what we are thinking, and what we need. It's obvious she has an issue. She domonstrated that with the chilly reception at the baby shower.

Other people do not know what we are feeling or need unless we tell them. Good luck.

Re: When Do You Know It's Time To Move On?

Janey2 — Wed, 27 Sep 2023 13:05:24 GMT

Call. I dislike guessing games and speculation. Find out the problem (if you care about her friendship) and either try and fix it or just walk away. In the end it might be a silly misunderstanding.

Re: When Do You Know It's Time To Move On?

tends2dogs — Wed, 27 Sep 2023 13:18:56 GMT

The first part of your post suggests that it is worth a call to find out what is going on. Fifteen years? I would want to know, then make the decision to move on or mend what is going on.

Re: When Do You Know It's Time To Move On?

CAcableGirl2 — Wed, 27 Sep 2023 13:19:00 GMT

@BarbiHollywood I would move on. You've reached out and received nothing - you went to a shower and gave a nice gift and she was cold.

Obviously, she isn't interested in saving this relationship, so I would move on. People change over the years, and it may have nothing to do with you. You've tried, and received nothing in return. I think that is your answer.

Re: When Do You Know It's Time To Move On?

Imaoldhippie — Wed, 27 Sep 2023 13:30:42 GMT

Its time, move on.

Re: When Do You Know It's Time To Move On?

CANDLEQUEEN — Wed, 27 Sep 2023 13:32:56 GMT

Call and have a nice chat. Otherwise you will always wonder...Good Friendships are hard to come by, don't just give up on this without finding out why she is acting this way..

Re: When Do You Know It's Time To Move On?

threecees — Wed, 27 Sep 2023 13:38:08 GMT

I would call and make at least one more attempt.

If there is no answer, leave a message.

Then if she never calls back in the next month or so, even that's quite a

long time to give her to respond, I would then tell myself that we are done.

Re: When Do You Know It's Time To Move On?

Desertdi — Wed, 27 Sep 2023 13:51:03 GMT

You get a sinking feeling in your gut......and then it slaps you IN THE FACE. Walk away.

Re: When Do You Know It's Time To Move On?

Kitty Galore — Wed, 27 Sep 2023 13:52:41 GMT

@BarbiHollywood this situation has happened to me , a bit different circumstances though. years ago with a very good friend , like you we had been friends for 15 yrs , she was a cousin of my fiancé at the time , I had broken it off that's a whole other story lol ! anyways we both moved to different states , not too far away from each other , kept in touch often , she visited us several times and kept insisting we come to visit her and her husband . It was hard to work out a time as my husband just happened to be on call every time she invited us . She took it as we didn't want to and got nasty about it even though I tried to explain and even suggested I come on my own , she wanted us both to come so the four of us could do things together. We spoke a few times afterwards , but it was obvious our friendship had run its course there was a coolness no more laughter , we always laughed to the point of crying ! or comfortable chatting . She even brought up that I was wrong in breaking off my engagement to her cousin and the whole family was upset with me at the time , but covered it up so I wouldn't feel bad as they all thought of me as part of the family and hoped for a reconciliation. I guess blood is thicker then water is what I realized . Sometimes friendships just run there course I feel.

I'm sorry to hear about you and your friend . Maybe you could have a nice talk over lunch and ask straight out if you had done something to upset her and why has the realtionship gotten cooler as you feel it has . I hope you can have it reconciled.

Sometimes it's something so minor and then you will be happy you talked it out . It's best to find out one way or the other so you can either move on or continue your friendship . I realize your feeling are hurt so finding out would be better then wondering .

Re: When Do You Know It's Time To Move On?

Sooner — Wed, 27 Sep 2023 13:54:51 GMT

Seems nothing positive has come back to you. How much do you want to invest to continue worrying about it? That will give you the answer. . .

Re: When Do You Know It's Time To Move On?

RetRN — Wed, 27 Sep 2023 13:57:18 GMT

Move on, friendships shouldn't take that much work, worry, and wondering. Since you were not treated very nicely at the shower I think she was sending a message. I truly do not believe you need someone like her in your life.

Re: When Do You Know It's Time To Move On?

Effie54 — Wed, 27 Sep 2023 14:03:54 GMT

What a difficult decision to make. To call and reach our or not. It can be a slippery slope. I had a similar situation in which one of my best friends took a high profile job (5 minutes from me), but never seemed to have time to get together. It seemed the job changed her entire attitude. Getting together was always on her terms. Finally I had a talk with her....she felt she was still a good friend. She didn't see she and her priorities changed. Friendships have to be equitable. Even after talking to her, nothing changed. In fact, she became defensive. I haven't seen her in 3 years and don't miss the person she is now. Sometimes people change, their priorities change and/or we outgrow the friendship. If you miss her, it might be worth the phone call. But know, some are oblivious to their personality changes.

Re: When Do You Know It's Time To Move On?

LTT1 — Wed, 27 Sep 2023 14:08:43 GMT

@BarbiHollywood

WOW all of these answers are good and good food for thought.

I would be torn too...however, I am a very straightforward type and perhaps my way would be too "in your face" to be accepted by some.

I believe my way would be to call and say (once you finally reach her) "I believe we need a "girl's lunch out".
If she is one who thrives on avoidance and responds "I can't do that right now " (I have some very dear friends who are this way) you might try saying "Ok then I believe I need to tell you that I feel something is wrong with our friendship" ... then launch right in.

If she does have a personal problem and is ready to discuss this with you she will. If she is not ready she may evade and if that happens you will know what to do next. If she seems cold, move on. HTH🩷

Re: When Do You Know It's Time To Move On?

beckyb1012 — Wed, 27 Sep 2023 14:08:58 GMT

The last two attempts she appears to be the one reaching out to you. When you asked in your last response could you reschedule then maybe that is what you should do. If no response then move on.

Re: When Do You Know It's Time To Move On?

Cakers3 — Wed, 27 Sep 2023 14:18:03 GMT

@BarbiHollywood Call but keep it simple.

If she has an issue with you it would be better for her to approach it. If it isn't about you specifically it could be anything going on in her life that may be uncomfortable to share, regardless of the 15 years of friendship.

Since the communication appears to be lacking, it could also be your own perception of her acting distant which in turn causes you to retreat a bit.

Now both of you may believe the other is being distant.

Forget about the other person. I do not see how she fits but I do not know her role in your friendship.

One call, keep it light, ask how she is, anything new, general chit chat. I don't know her but if you start in about how (you perceive) she's been acting you may very well nail the door shut for good.

I'm sorry this is happening and letting go is difficult. If the friendship can continue, great. If not, then acknowledge it's time to move on and focus each day on what you have and be happy.

You will be ok. Good luck.💐

Re: When Do You Know It's Time To Move On?

Kitty Galore — Wed, 27 Sep 2023 14:34:55 GMT

@Effie54 wrote:
What a difficult decision to make. To call and reach our or not. It can be a slippery slope. I had a similar situation in which one of my best friends took a high profile job (5 minutes from me), but never seemed to have time to get together. It seemed the job changed her entire attitude. Getting together was always on her terms. Finally I had a talk with her....she felt she was still a good friend. She didn't see she and her priorities changed. Friendships have to be equitable. Even after talking to her, nothing changed. In fact, she became defensive. I haven't seen her in 3 years and don't miss the person she is now. Sometimes people change, their priorities change and/or we outgrow the friendship. If you miss her, it might be worth the phone call. But know, some are oblivious to their personality changes.

@Effie54 yes sad , but true . It is for the best in the long run and you realize that . People do change for many reasons .

Re: When Do You Know It's Time To Move On?

Rockycoast — Wed, 27 Sep 2023 14:50:21 GMT

Friendships are a two way street. You are not holding up your end either. You could set the date for your birthday. You could set the date for a luncheon. She invited you to the shower. She may have been very busy with shower things. You took offense. So from what I read from your post, I see you also not holding up your end. It is not just your friend.

Re: When Do You Know It's Time To Move On?

Mindy D — Wed, 27 Sep 2023 14:57:19 GMT

@BarbiHollywood wrote:
Good morning. I have an issue currently happening with a good friend and was wondering if anyone's ever had the same thing happen. I'm trying really harrrd to figure out if it's just time to move on.

Friend and I have known each other about 15 years. Great person, funny, always have good laughs and a good time when we get together. We've never had a fight or even a disagreement, but what seems to be just out of the blue, we're disconnected this past year. We used to text each other a few times a day whether it was just to say hello or to let the other one know that we bumped into a mutual friend or to share a funny meme. Things changed. No more of any of that. This past January, I got an invitation to her daughter's baby shower.. I didn't want to go because our friendship took that sudden shift and it would have felt uncomfortable, but I went. She wasn't as friendly to me as she once was, and I even noticed that a mutual friend was a bit cold to me, too. I made the most of the day and gave a very nice gift. We had lunch at the end of April, but I had to cut it short due to an emergency that I needed to handle ASAP. Got a text in July that we should get together to have lunch for my JUNE birthday, but nothing happened. Got a last-minute text last week asking about lunch that day to which I quickly asked if we could do it later in the week. No answer. That's where we are now. No plans, not even immediate responses to texts. I just don't know what happened. I'm thinking of calling to see what might be happening on her end, but my feelings are kinda too hurt right now to pick up the phone. Should I take this as a sign that it's just time to move on?

@BarbiHollywood @Keep trying. Sometimes things just get in the way but things go back to life as usual afterwards. Many people are in transitional states now following the height of the pandemic. Plus, your friend just became a grandmother and there could be some use of her time tied up there.