topic Re: Not Invited in Among Friends

Not Invited

Momofdogs — Sun, 13 Mar 2016 05:32:35 GMT

Should I be upset if a close friend I've known for over 30 yrs didn't invite me to her sons wedding ?

Re: Not Invited

CalMom — Sun, 13 Mar 2016 05:47:32 GMT

No because sometimes there are limits due to costs. However, your friend should have discussed this with you.

Maybe your friend is angry at you. People can be bizarre. Move on and make new friends, better friends. An older friend isn't always better. Times change and so can you.

Re: Not Invited

CalMom — Sun, 13 Mar 2016 05:53:55 GMT

I have a question for you, how to you start a new thread? I have before but can't seem to find it anymore. I'm lost. Thanks in advance.

PS Anyone can answer.

Re: Not Invited

KarenQVC — Sun, 13 Mar 2016 06:07:51 GMT

Click on the section you want like Among Friends. Then New Message.

Re: Not Invited

KarenQVC — Sun, 13 Mar 2016 06:09:39 GMT

OP--I would just forget about it. Brides are SO uppity these days you can never know what happened.

Re: Not Invited

ECBG — Sun, 13 Mar 2016 06:11:08 GMT

I had something very close to what you're experiencing. I even found the tiera for the girl's wedding and I wasn't invited.

I'm so sorry. Some people have the manners of a brick!

Re: Not Invited

OnlyShopsOnline — Sun, 13 Mar 2016 06:15:49 GMT

I don't think you should be upset....but that's my opinion. You feel the way you do. When my daughter got married, it was a small wedding. She and our SIL decided on the final guest list.

We did have the freedom to invite a few people. But, I only invited several of our friends that she knew while she was growing up. I knew they were trying to keep the size of the guest list down and didn't see the need to invite anyone with whom she didn't have a close relationship.

There is a couple, that we have had an on/off friendship with for 30+ years, but we don't see them very often. I didn't invite them. Frankly, I didn't give it much thought because they had been invited to other things over the years, and always complained that they didn't want to make the one hour drive. I haven't heard from them since. My guess is that they were offended that we didn't invite them.

Not inviting them wasn't intended to be an insult. It was just the decision that was made at the time.

Re: Not Invited

Sooner — Sun, 13 Mar 2016 06:29:26 GMT

@Momofdogs wrote:
Should I be upset if a close friend I've known for over 30 yrs didn't invite me to her sons wedding ?

It isn't your friend's wedding. It is her son and his bride's wedding. I'm sure they will want to invite friends of theirs and their close family members, and it's expensive these days. I wouldn't think a thing about it or even really expect to be invited unless you were VERY close to the two getting married--friends of THEIRS.

I didn't invite my mom's friends that I wasn't close to to our wedding.

Re: Not Invited

sfnative — Sun, 13 Mar 2016 06:37:46 GMT

@Momofdogs

As others have mentioned, it may be due to cost, deciding to have a small wedding and/or wishing to have their friends at the wedding vice a friend or two of the son's mother.

We had a huge wedding and so were able to invite many, including some friends of my mother. However, that's not always the case.

If I were you, I'd purchase a nice card and mail it to the new bride and groom, Mr. and Mrs. _______, via your friend's address.

Re: Not Invited

Lovingq — Sun, 13 Mar 2016 07:21:27 GMT

@Momofdogs wrote:
Should I be upset if a close friend I've known for over 30 yrs didn't invite me to her sons wedding ?

If I was dissed by a close friend of 30 years I'd forego a present as well as a gift for their baby when they have one. If you were not important enough in their eyes to attend their wedding, then they don't need your money or your thoughtfulness in choosing a gift for them. And, sadly they will remember that you didn't get them a gift but not that you were not invited to their wedding party....that's how that works these days.

Re: Not Invited

Lilysmom — Sun, 13 Mar 2016 09:21:36 GMT

I tried to have a very small wedding and even at that there were more than 50 people. That included just family and a few friends. Don't be upset about that, especially if it was her son's wedding. The men tend to sit more on the sidelines than the women in planning.

Don't lose a good friend over this. Absolutely not necessary. LM

Re: Not Invited

Deb1010yetagain — Sun, 13 Mar 2016 09:29:50 GMT

Don't take it personally. It's a decision based on cost and certain cut offs had to be made. Be gracious and don't let it ruin your friendship.

Re: Not Invited

Lovingq — Sun, 13 Mar 2016 09:35:29 GMT

@Deb1010yetagain wrote:
Don't take it personally. It's a decision based on cost and certain cut offs had to be made. Be gracious and don't let it ruin your friendship.

People need to downsize - change the venue - and live within their means so everyone can be invited. I'm always shocked how some rationalize their abhorrent behavior dissing people they supposedly care about and then wonder why those that they have offended want nothing more to do with you.

Re: Not Invited

chrystaltree — Sun, 13 Mar 2016 12:02:41 GMT

No, you should not feel bad or be offended. As a mom of one married daughter and the mom of a daughter who is in the middle of planning a "commitment" ceremony with her long time boyfriend; I can tell you that we are forced to leave many people that we love off the guest list. Weddings are expensive today and it's not the parents' wedding. It's the couple's wedding and their friends come first. As it should. Ask any parent who has married children, it's just the way it is.

Re: Not Invited

lovethgedress — Sun, 13 Mar 2016 12:08:21 GMT

Wow, surprised by all the judgemental answers on here. I understand being disappointed by not being invited but without knowing all the detais of the guestlist I would not jump to conclusions as to why you were not invited. If this is a close friend I would discuss with her rather than letting it ruin your friendship. Agree with the other responses that nowadays weddings are much smaller and if paid for by the couple themselves, odds are they are not inviting friends of their parents.

My daughter is getting married this July and while we did invite a few close friends that our daughter is close to, there were many others that we could not invite. Remember this is not your friend's wedding, it is her son's.

Re: Not Invited

missy1 — Sun, 13 Mar 2016 12:34:00 GMT

Don't send a gift. Did you ask your friend why?

Re: Not Invited

Dominosmom — Sun, 13 Mar 2016 12:45:39 GMT

happened to me too about 4 years ago...had to tell second cousins and my friends that the invitations were for basically immediate family, my son was the groom, her family was paying the bill and the venue wasn't very big. Funny now the newly weds are shopping for their first home and they confided that they wish they hadn't spend so much on the reception, could have used that money for the down payment. My lips were sealed tight on that one. Lol

Re: Not Invited

Sawn — Sun, 13 Mar 2016 12:57:05 GMT

OP, I totally understand your feelings. I've been there. My best friend since high school didn't invite me to her son's wedding. I didn't invite her to my daughter's wedding, either. In the first case, it was a financial reason, which I won't go into details on. I understood, though. In the second case, my daughter and her husband made a pact that no one they didn't both know would be at their very small, intimate wedding. I will say, though, that we each explained to the other why invitations weren't going out.

Re: Not Invited

ValuSkr — Sun, 13 Mar 2016 13:08:40 GMT

@Moretofollow wrote:
@Momofdogs wrote:
Should I be upset if a close friend I've known for over 30 yrs didn't invite me to her sons wedding ?
If I was dissed by a close friend of 30 years I'd forego a present as well as a gift for their baby when they have one. If you were not important enough in their eyes to attend their wedding, then they don't need your money or your thoughtfulness in choosing a gift for them. And, sadly they will remember that you didn't get them a gift but not that you were not invited to their wedding party....that's how that works these days.

Yes, be thankful you didn't have to get a gift.

Re: Not Invited

eyeron — Sun, 13 Mar 2016 13:13:30 GMT

I don't think the OP gave enough information. Is it a big or small wedding and are there a limited amount of people going? Who's paying for the wedding? Are there other friends that were invited and not you? (Maybe just one or two of her very best friends are going...or those who are close to the couple)

I personally wouldn't be upset if I weren't invited.... unless I found out MANY of our mutual friends were invited and I wasn't. (But, then again...I don't understand why that would happen) But I know weddings are expensive and usually have a limited amount of people invited. (Mostly family and friends of the bride and groom).