topic Re: Grief in Among Friends

Grief

CalminHeart — Mon, 15 May 2023 11:26:13 GMT

Today marks 3 weeks since my brother died. He suffered terribly for 3.5 years. I know he's no longer sick and in pain. He saw Mom right after we took him off life support. His last word was calling out to Mom. I trust that she helped him transition to a better place.

I spent the last 3 weeks helping his spouse, who is a mess. We had his celebration of life Saturday and it really feels like the end now.

I'm beyond devastated. He was my best friend. I took care of him from the time he was born and held him as he died. We were in some of the same social groups. We talked/texted several times a day. I spent a lot of time helping him while his spouse was at work the last few months.

I'm really struggling. Other friends and some of our siblings move on and forget about those who are struggling. I'm feeling so lost and alone.

It's going to take time to recover and I need to allow time to help heal. I trust God. I cry every time I go to church.

The deacon at our Church invited me to a grief support group. I had to leave half-way through it last week. I couldn't handle it. It's a 5 week program and I'll go back but am not sure I can handle it yet. I'll try.

I got some great counseling after Mom died 5 years ago. I'm still using the EMDR techniques which have been a lifesaver the last 3 weeks. I'll continue using them.

My SIL is dying of brain cancer. My dad is 91. I feel like I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop.

It's called life. It'll be me someday though sooner rather than later given my age.

But darn it all, it's tough.

Thanks for listening.

Re: Grief

Franklinbell — Mon, 15 May 2023 11:35:19 GMT

@CalminHeart @Oh my goodness. I am heartbroken for you. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Sending you light and love. Blessings to every heart connected.💕💕

Re: Grief

nada54 — Mon, 15 May 2023 11:36:02 GMT

@CalminHeart I am so very sorry for your loss. If I could hug you I would. I will pray for you and wish you the strength you need to keep moving.

Re: Grief

catter70 — Mon, 15 May 2023 11:52:38 GMT

My heart breaks for the pain you're going thru. I know what it is to have a sibling that you are very close too and I know it will be very hard for one of us when the other passes. We are, also, best friends. You have a lot on your plate. I will pray you find comfort soon. Know I'm thinking and praying for you, as others on this board are doing.

Re: Grief

twinsister — Mon, 15 May 2023 12:19:17 GMT

So sorry for your loss. Prayers for you and your family.

Re: Grief

QVCkitty1 — Mon, 15 May 2023 12:27:12 GMT

I'm so sorry for your loss. I never had a sister, but 2 years ago I lost a friend who I loved like a sister. I still pick up the phone sometimes when I have something to share. I don't know where this came from, but I think it is true,

Grief never ends

It's a passage not a place to stay

Grief is not a sigh of weakness , nor a lack of faith

It's the price of love. 🌺

Re: Grief

We rescue cats — Mon, 15 May 2023 12:37:49 GMT

I'm so sorry for your loss, losing such a big part of our daily life leave a hole that is hard to fill. Have you thought about seeking one on one counseling? Being able to let go and talk about him, your love and your feelings-whatever they might be? I found that when I have had a loss that I am not good at letting things out in a group setting, that I need to have a one to one connection. Just a thought for you to consider. You have so much sadness going on, I will keep you in my prayers for guidance and peace. What a beautiful experience your brother shared with you when he greeted your mother, I hope that brings a bit of solace.

Re: Grief

DrakesMomma — Mon, 15 May 2023 12:40:09 GMT

Where there is grief there is a great love that can no longer be shared.

Re: Grief

CAcableGirl2 — Mon, 15 May 2023 13:02:45 GMT

@CalminHeart Oh my, I'm so sorry for the loss of your dear brother. It's really a long process, and having gone through it last year with my Dad, you never really get over it and it just continues on. I still cry out of the blue, when I'm reminded of my Dad, it hurts so much when we lose someone because we love each other so much.

Please go easy on yourself, it's only been a few weeks since you lost your brother and you are right, he is with your Mom and she will take care of him now. You are a good sister, and although with someone sick for a long time, it's still a shock when they are gone....gone in body only, but he will live on with all your good memories.

Re: Grief

Terrywu — Mon, 15 May 2023 13:12:01 GMT

@CalminHeart i was crying as I read your post. He is not in pain and will be with you in spirit. Sending prayers your way.

Re: Grief

Kallena — Mon, 15 May 2023 13:23:50 GMT

I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm heartbroken for you.

Re: Grief

Dusty1 — Mon, 15 May 2023 13:34:52 GMT

@CalminHeart I know you are glad that he is no longer suffering but it is so hard to lose our people.

Take care of yourself & take the time you need.

Re: Grief

Snicks1 — Mon, 15 May 2023 13:36:27 GMT

@CalminHeart, I am so sorry for your loss. There is no time limit on grief, we each have to deal with it in our own way.

I totally understand what you are going through. Last Fall, I lost my husband, then 34 days later I too, lost my closest brother, whom I had been helping out for about 5 years as he wasn't well and could no longer get out and about very much. We had such fun together, still tho. He was so funny. I too still cry.

I hope you can come to grips with all you have been through. At your own pace. I always think that if others don't understand, they should consider themselves lucky. No one wants to go through this. I guarantee that.

Re: Grief

meallen616 — Mon, 15 May 2023 13:39:50 GMT

@CalminHeart,

I am so sorry for your loss.

Re: Grief

NicksmomESQ — Mon, 15 May 2023 13:46:30 GMT

@CalminHeart I'm so sorry that you're struggling. As you said, this is life & as we age death gets closer & closer to us.

Everyone grieves differently. There's no timetable or right or wrong way. Give yourself some grace, take your time. Go easy on yourself 💔.

Re: Grief

Forbidden Fruit — Mon, 15 May 2023 13:49:50 GMT

How lucky you were to have such a loving relationship with your brother and he provided you with a lasting gifts of not only his love & friendship but he also saw your mother confirming you will all meet up again some day. What a blessing.

Your emotions are still pretty raw. Perhaps, it might help to write "letters" to your brother in a journal. This way you can express your grief without actually having to say it out loud. May God comfort you in this time of need. I'm also sending you my prayers as well.

Re: Grief

DSD2 — Mon, 15 May 2023 14:03:11 GMT

You seem like a lovely, caring, beautiful person.

Although your heart is breaking, may your gratefulness that your brother is no longer suffering ease a bit of your pain.

I don't believe that some are only given what can be handled. Sometimes, it cannot be borne. I am glad you are giving the support group another chance. In the meantime, I urge you to not only get counseling but to talk to someone that you trust. Your deacon perhaps, one on one, a friend, a physician, but please you need a release to let out your own pain. Your shoulders are broad but can only carry so much.

Ask for help, from God, from those who love you. People do care. I along with others here will be praying for you. God bless.

Re: Grief

reiki604 — Mon, 15 May 2023 14:24:29 GMT

Grief has no time frame. You take as long as it takes. May. your brother's memory be a blessing. He is always there in your heart and mind.

Re: Grief

Sooner — Mon, 15 May 2023 14:34:26 GMT

@CalminHeart I am so sorry for you! And I pray for you. My family has been gone for years now and I can tell you to focus on the future, keep close to God, and make yourself read and think about things that focus on peace and happiness.

Sooner or later, sometimes as you pray you will see it is taking hold in you! Believe and it will happen!

Re: Grief

IMW — Mon, 15 May 2023 14:34:47 GMT

My deepest condolences for your losses.

Grief is like the ocean it comes in great waves. Like the ocean waves you have to go with it, and then get up. It will go on and on and slowly the waves get weaker.

You need time to heal----_give yourself the time.