topic Re: Got Dressed Up Today, But ................ in Among Friends

Got Dressed Up Today, But ................

BunSnoop — Sun, 10 Jul 2022 22:10:23 GMT

Went out to eat today for lunch to meet a friend with my husband. I wore a new Susan Graver top and capri pants in liquid knit, black sandals, matching purse and some sparkly gold jewelry. I also wore make-up and worked on my hair for quite a while and thought it turned out nice.

A few weeks ago I mentioned to my husband that it would be nice if when I get dressed up if once in a while he could say I look nice. I had hoped that after giving him a gentle little reminder that may be this time he would say something, but no - nothing.

No........I did not tell him he looked nice, because if I did he would then say "so do you". I had just hoped that he would of said it on his own.

Oh well, we're home now - back in my work clothes and out I go to help him put a blade on his mower and then water grass and flowers.

He probably would not of even noticed if I had kept on my new "dressed-up" outfit to do the work outside. I think I just "look the same" to him no matter if I'm dressed up or not.

Oh well.............

Re: Got Dressed Up Today, But ................

SurferWife — Mon, 11 Jul 2022 00:53:49 GMT

@BunSnoop

Has he always been that way? Every time you get dressed up & look extra pretty, has he never said anything or did he used to compliment you, then stop? I wouldn't be too hard on him. Some men just don't realize how much the ladies like to hear it.

Re: Got Dressed Up Today, But ................

manny2 — Sun, 10 Jul 2022 22:15:32 GMT

I hear you @BunSnoop. Was he always like this? If yes, then why the expectation? If no, then I would talk to him again, and tell him how it makes you feel.

Re: Got Dressed Up Today, But ................

manny2 — Sun, 10 Jul 2022 22:17:02 GMT

@SurferWife wrote:
@BunSnoop
Has he always been that way? Every time you get dressed up & look extra pretty, has he never said anything or did he used to complement you, then stop? I wouldn't be too hard on him. Some men just don't realize how much the ladies like to hear it.

@SurferWife We posted at about the same time, so I didn't see your post.

I must say you give excellent advice!

Re: Got Dressed Up Today, But ................

KingstonsMom — Sun, 10 Jul 2022 22:30:01 GMT

@BunSnoop

Awww, I'm sorry.... a lot of men are oblivious to our 'hints', but it sounds like you looked lovely for your night out with him and felt that you looked good, that's what counts!

Mine wouldn't notice if I nailed a neon sign to his forehead and tattooed "Wife looks good!" on his butt! LOL!

Hope you had a great time!

Re: Got Dressed Up Today, But ................

pupwhipped — Sun, 10 Jul 2022 23:01:12 GMT

I look so awful day in and day out that on the rare occasion I do get dressed up my husband can't help but notice. He's in shock!!! 😲 LOL!

Re: Got Dressed Up Today, But ................

Kachina624 — Sun, 10 Jul 2022 23:02:33 GMT

@BunSnoop I think your expectations for this unobservant male are too high. Its like you're trying to play "gotcha". Since he's obviously oblivious to what you're wearing, you need to train him with prompts.

There's nothing wrong with starting with, " how do you like my new blouse" or "do you like the way I put my outfit together today?". Maybe if you did this a few times, he'd become more observant, anticipating your questions.

Re: Got Dressed Up Today, But ................

LizzieInSRQ — Sun, 10 Jul 2022 23:32:48 GMT

If i have to ask for a compliment, i wouldnt want it as it lacks sincerity.

Im single so i dont get compliments. I can get 4 inches of my hair taken off and my trainer- coworker says nothing about my obvious hairdo, although others do. She never ever has told me "good job" in the almost-1year ive worked there. I will compliment her 2 or 3 times a month and she will say " of course", "thats how i roll ", "thats whst i do"....she thinks she is being funny,maybe, but deep down i think she is a narcissist.

I think your husband is resistant to being told how to react. Its too bad he doesnt get your love language and how a little effort would go a long way. Im going to still be me, as i think my compliments put her in some position of having to be warm or sincere back. I dunno.

Dress for yourself. Expect nothing, dont fish for compliments. You will never be disappointed again and sweetly surprised if he does.

Re: Got Dressed Up Today, But ................

ECBG — Mon, 11 Jul 2022 00:36:29 GMT

@BunSnoop

@NO WAY would I let DH get by with that!

You will get what you expect.

I do the "leg work"! The first time didn't make it!

Done!

Re: Got Dressed Up Today, But ................

Sage04 — Mon, 11 Jul 2022 02:49:19 GMT

No one should ever have to ask their Spouse for a compliment. If you know you look good and he doesn't say anything so what? That's his problem.

Always got compliments from my husband even though sometimes I might not think I look good, and he would say maybe we are looking at two different people.

Anytime I bought something new I would model it for my husband and son and they would let me know if it looked good on me. Even my 17 year old nephew compliments me.

@BunSnoop let the mirror be your BEST FRIEND. Keep dressing up even if you aren't going anywhere.

Like I said, no woman should have to ask her husband for a compliment. It defeats the purpose. A woman who ask a man for a compliment isn't too sure of herself.

Re: Got Dressed Up Today, But ................

Sage04 — Mon, 11 Jul 2022 02:54:13 GMT

@SurferWife wrote:
@BunSnoop
Has he always been that way? Every time you get dressed up & look extra pretty, has he never said anything or did he used to compliment you, then stop? I wouldn't be too hard on him. Some men just don't realize how much the ladies like to hear it.

@SurferWife not me, I don't like to be complimented, but I get compliments from my sisters, brothers, nieces, nephews, son and of course from my husband. I'm one of those people who could do with out it. I must say sometimes I get embarrassed but I know some women crave it.

Re: Got Dressed Up Today, But ................

Sage04 — Mon, 11 Jul 2022 02:56:59 GMT

@KingstonsMom wrote:
@BunSnoop

Awww, I'm sorry.... a lot of men are oblivious to our 'hints', but it sounds like you looked lovely for your night out with him and felt that you looked good, that's what counts!

Mine wouldn't notice if I nailed a neon sign to his forehead and tattooed "Wife looks good!" on his butt! LOL!

Hope you had a great time!

@KingstonsMom I find that hard to believe. Maybe he just doesn't want to say it out loud but he is thinking it. The neon sign made me laugh. That's funny!!

Re: Got Dressed Up Today, But ................

Sage04 — Mon, 11 Jul 2022 03:01:20 GMT

@LizzieInSRQ wrote:
If i have to ask for a compliment, i wouldnt want it as it lacks sincerity.

Im single so i dont get compliments. I can get 4 inches of my hair taken off and my trainer- coworker says nothing about my obvious hairdo, although others do. She never ever has told me "good job" in the almost-1year ive worked there. I will compliment her 2 or 3 times a month and she will say " of course", "thats how i roll ", "thats whst i do"....she thinks she is being funny,maybe, but deep down i think she is a narcissist.

I think your husband is resistant to being told how to react. Its too bad he doesnt get your love language and how a little effort would go a long way. Im going to still be me, as i think my compliments put her in some position of having to be warm or sincere back. I dunno.

Dress for yourself. Expect nothing, dont fish for compliments. You will never be disappointed again and sweetly surprised if he does.

@LizzieInSRQ I enjoyed reading your last paragraph. You are a smart one.

Re: Got Dressed Up Today, But ................

Sage04 — Mon, 11 Jul 2022 03:04:34 GMT

@ECBG wrote:
@BunSnoop

@NO WAY would I let DH get by with that!

You will get what you expect.

I do the "leg work"! The first time didn't make it!

Done!

@ECBG I'm surprised you said that. You think a woman should "fish" for a compliment? Then it's a "pity" compliment. He would tell you what he thinks you want to hear. A compliment should be given without any prompting.

Re: Got Dressed Up Today, But ................

Sooner — Mon, 11 Jul 2022 03:24:01 GMT

@BunSnoop I am sorry that you aren't getting the feedback you need, so I want to make that clear.

However, I'd just mention are you unhappy about that or about is something else really bothering you. I would say think about your relationship and what he means to you, and maybe you need to talk about that and make sure he knows what you think about him--men aren't so much into clothes, but things he does for you, etc.

I came close to losing my husband a few years ago, and it gives you a very clear idea of what is important and not so important, and what you would regret if he were suddenly gone. Be sure all the really import things are what is said. Be sure you talk about your blessings.

Re: Got Dressed Up Today, But ................

LuvSoCal — Mon, 11 Jul 2022 05:09:50 GMT

@BunSnoop Boy, can I relate! I think we, as females, dress and, in general, make an effort to look attractive mostly for ourselves, but, also, for the men in our lives. My SO is just not generous with compliments. Whenever we go somewhere special I always tell him how nice he looks because he genuinely does! Yeah, that's when I get the "So do you". It takes him all of 45 minutes to get ready to go out where it takes me 2 hrs. if I am washing my hair. The thing is, I know he notices the effort I put in to my appearance. He just, for some reason, will not usually say anything. The last time he did was when I came downstairs to leave to attend my 50th high school reunion last year. He took me by such surprise when he said "wow, you look so pretty". I hardly knew what to say. I think I mumbled a thank you.

I know how he is so I never expect a comment from him. We can go out to dinner and when we walk into the restaurant the hostess will compliment me right away or other people we're meeting will say how much they like my outfit or hair. I don't need compliments, but it would be nice to know that our efforts in this regard are appreciated by the person we are closest to.

Re: Got Dressed Up Today, But ................

Derwin28 — Mon, 11 Jul 2022 05:28:40 GMT

@LuvSoCal Sounds just like my husband (lol..probably many husbands or SO's). At some level, I think we all need to feel validated at some level. I used to complement my husband, and would get the "you too". Eventually, I just stopped complementing him. So if he gets all dressed up, or gets his haircut, I just pretend not to notice. I don't say a word and it drives him NUTS!😁 Ultimately, he can't help himself and will start fishing for feedback or compliments. Letting him experience first hand how it feels to not be acknowledged works in our case.

Re: Got Dressed Up Today, But ................

Flatbush — Mon, 11 Jul 2022 07:23:32 GMT

Have never heard a compliment, not even on my wedding day. We have been married for decades.

But, I lack for nothing. No matter when, he is ready to help me and do anything I ask. He never criticizes me, or scolds.

He is steady and dependable. He is handy about the house and his handy work is apparent in every room.

He also puts up with my quirks, and I have many.

I still think I have the best part of our relationship.

Re: Got Dressed Up Today, But ................

Pook — Mon, 11 Jul 2022 11:48:39 GMT

A forced insincere compliment just to placate you is worthless!! I dress and do my makeup daily for me! There are so many other important things in life! Why expect the man to be and say what you want? If life with him is good - who cares about a forced compliment? If life is not so good - well there are more issues than just a random compliment!! I want honesty and not a compliment just to appease me! I know a few men who are always complimenting their wives (because they were "trained" to do so) and their husband's are cheating on them so... Maybe if a compliment means so much to you then ask your husband what would mean a lot them.

Re: Got Dressed Up Today, But ................

redhead handbag queen — Mon, 11 Jul 2022 09:17:35 GMT

I feel for you, but yours might be like mine.

My husband came home and I was talking to him for a good 2-3 minutes, yes he was looking right at me. I then said "Did you notice my hair?" he got a startled look and said "Oh my gosh, you're blond!" If you didn't notice my name Redheaded Handbag Queen.

I don't want to let them off the hook but I just don't think they are wired like us!