topic Re: Baby Shower for Co-Worker in Among Friends

Baby Shower for Co-Worker

Black Cat Back — Thu, 17 Mar 2022 23:11:08 GMT

My office is having a baby shower for a fellow co-worker. I always get stuck with this stuff. Someone gets married, has a baby, or a going away gift.

This co-worker is difficult to work with and has taken credit for my work on occasion. But now there is a baby shower for her. Usually on a wedding or going away, we contribute what we can or if we want for one gift. This time it's each person will bring their own gift and she's registered at various places.

It's so uncomfortable. I would contribute a bit to one gift, so no one knows how much you did. I don't make nearly as much money as others in the dept who can afford it. But, if I don't go and don't give a gift, then I'll be the bad guy. It always happens, those of us who never have those life situations, get stuck having to pay for others. I'm not a cheapskate, but I always felt those things should be done by her close friends and family that she does have in her life.

Any suggestions or experiences like this?

Re: Baby Shower for Co-Worker

Snowpuppy — Thu, 17 Mar 2022 23:25:50 GMT

Been there! How about a shower for the 6 figure boss having baby number 3?

Say nothing and the day of the event take off that day or leave after lunch for a long standing appointment.

After a decade or two of being the better person, I stopped. I just stopped.

Re: Baby Shower for Co-Worker

50Mickey — Thu, 17 Mar 2022 23:26:02 GMT

Surely there are items on the register that are not expensive like onesies, crib sheets, receiving blankets etc. I would buy something like this and I would not feel at all like a cheapskate. I am sure whatever you purchase will be appreciated.

Personally I do not think that work showers are appropriate. Retirement parties are a little different. However as long as HR approves of this they will happen. If you absolutely do not want to attend and are resentful don't go. Unless you work closely with this person or she is your supervisor it is not a big deal to politely decline the invite.

Re: Baby Shower for Co-Worker

QVCkitty1 — Thu, 17 Mar 2022 23:28:02 GMT

My experience was if the co- worker was a friend, someone would organize a shower at their home, we would bring a dish and an individual gift. Sometimes we chipped in for a big gift and just had a cake in the break room. Don't worry about the registry, if you can't afford anything on it, just pick out something yourself.

Re: Baby Shower for Co-Worker

Black Cat Back — Thu, 17 Mar 2022 23:31:46 GMT

I have to back her up on her job while she's out on maternity leave for 3 months. I have my job and hers, no extra pay of course.

She never appreciates my helping her. I trained her in her position for weeks and she never showed me any appreciation for all I have done.

She took credit for a project I had completed, tweaked it a hair but it was basically the same design and then said she didn't realize it was mine. I worked so hard on that project.

She's not my supervisor but I do work closely with her.

The thing is I don't go to the mall anymore with the Covid issue. I have an auto-immune disease and don't shop where there are a lot of people. To order online, it's more costly.

It's frustrating. She could easily not come back in 3 months deciding to stay home with the baby too. It's just something else I have to get done among the major responsibilities I have to take care of everyday in my personal life. I'm not allowed to work overtime, but will have to go shopping during non-business hours.

Sorry, but this person never shows me any respect, so it's just hard.

Re: Baby Shower for Co-Worker

QVCkitty1 — Thu, 17 Mar 2022 23:35:18 GMT

@Black Cat Back wrote:
I have to back her up on her job while she's out on maternity leave for 3 months. I have my job and hers, no extra pay of course.

She never appreciates my helping her. I trained her in her position for weeks and she never showed me any appreciation for all I have done.
She took credit for a project I had completed, tweaked it a hair but it was basically the same design and then said she didn't realize it was mine. I worked so hard on that project.

She's not my supervisor but I do work closely with her.

The thing is I don't go to the mall anymore with the Covid issue. I have an auto-immune disease and don't shop where there are a lot of people. To order online, it's more costly.

It's frustrating. She could easily not come back in 3 months deciding to stay home with the baby too. It's just something else I have to get done among the major responsibilities I have to take care of everyday in my personal life. I'm not allowed to work overtime, but will have to go shopping during non-business hours.

Sorry, but this person never shows me any respect, so it's just hard.

@Black Cat Back , I get it, over my work lifetime I chipped in , baked and bought gifts for many that I liked and did not, it's just part of the work experience.

Re: Baby Shower for Co-Worker

Black Cat Back — Thu, 17 Mar 2022 23:43:29 GMT

I have a 30 min drive to work one way and the price of gas is just so expensive. I live paycheck to paycheck. I go nowhere these days, treat myself to nothing much at all.

It may be part of working, but it makes people feel awkward and uncomfortable.

Re: Baby Shower for Co-Worker

Janey2 — Thu, 17 Mar 2022 23:45:19 GMT

I would go to the shower and be happy, after all you will not have to deal with her for 3 months. It is not more expensive to shop online. Many stores offer free S&H. I just looked at Nordstrom and you can get a gift for about $25. I would not spend a penny more. I am sure if you check around you can spend less.

Re: Baby Shower for Co-Worker

on the bay — Thu, 17 Mar 2022 23:46:13 GMT

@Black Cat Back,

You know what? At first I was thinking, yeah I would get something not expensive but after you described all you have done without any appreciation from her, I wouldn't go or get her anything. Why would you or should you? You will be resentful and it seems she has no consideration for you and you are not friends. So we shouldn't feel we have to keep doing things that just don't make sense. And if she does decide not to come back I'm sure she won't be thinking about her baby shower at work or who gave what or didn't. And if she does decide to come back I would just be cordial and maybe, just maybe she might rethink how she treats a co-worker.

Maybe wishful thinking.

There are always people like that at work and they don't deserve people to keep trying to be anything else but cordial and professional.

That's what I think.

Re: Baby Shower for Co-Worker

Kachina624 — Thu, 17 Mar 2022 23:48:28 GMT

Why doesn't the group chip in and buy a play pen, high chair or Pack 'n Play thing? Less trouble and expense for everybody. Have cake and punch and call it good. That's what we always did in my office. If someone wanted to buy a gift, they could do so privately.

Re: Baby Shower for Co-Worker

On It — Thu, 17 Mar 2022 23:54:13 GMT

@Black Cat Back I have no tolerance for people like your co-worker who is being given the shower. You certainly should not risk your health for her shower gift.

I would look at the Walmart or Target website to find a cute light weight blanket or onesie. Select a gift bag and possibly a card. Put everything in your cart and do curbside pickup. Do not feel pressured to go shopping in person.

Having to always take the high road isn't easy.

Re: Baby Shower for Co-Worker

on the bay — Thu, 17 Mar 2022 23:57:33 GMT

@Black Cat Back,

I agree that one gift that everyone chips in for would have been so much better than making people feel obligated to buy a separate gift. Especially if they don't have much money, and for someone they don't even like. It does make it awkward.

Re: Baby Shower for Co-Worker

Duckncover — Fri, 18 Mar 2022 00:02:48 GMT

Are you somehow in charge of the shower? You said you "always get stuck with this stuff" so wasn't sure. If you are, I would ask someone else to do it and be a spectator only. I would not skip the baby shower; it would make you look petty. If you can't afford much to buy a gift, could you find another colleague or two and chip in together to buy one larger gift? I have done that before and it worked well. We bought a Baby Moses basket (which are very handy when the baby is very tiny since you can keep him with you all the time ) and filled it with layette clothing, gauze blankets, toys, etc. It made a very impressive gift and the mother to-be loved it.

Re: Baby Shower for Co-Worker

godi — Fri, 18 Mar 2022 00:06:08 GMT

Give her a gift card that you can afford and be done with it.

Re: Baby Shower for Co-Worker

Spacrazy — Fri, 18 Mar 2022 00:12:33 GMT

@Black Cat Back

Oh nooooo, I REALLY feel for you !! Thank goodness I am out of that mess now. I hated it then and I would hate it now.

Sorry to say I have no solution for you. You're going to have to sacrifice a little something (??a pacifier, maybe??) wrapped nicely with a card of congrations. Bam - be done. No matter what you do or do not do you will be judged and a subject for everyone's jabber. You know it - you've done it - get over it.

I guarantee she probably won't be coming back - this is a great time to be pregnant and milk the system. Hopefully, someone in charge of your work will see the good job you do and reward you accordingly.

Lastly, can you go ahead and start a conversation with your team to stop these celebrations. They're just too political motivating and no one really likes them, I'm sure. I'm surprised your company still allows them. There are always hurt feelings involved. Have y'all ever talked about sponsoring a "need" and party over that.

Good luck. Stay strong.

Re: Baby Shower for Co-Worker

Spacrazy — Fri, 18 Mar 2022 00:14:14 GMT

Yayyyy you @Snowpuppy !

Re: Baby Shower for Co-Worker

ThinkingOutLoud — Fri, 18 Mar 2022 02:11:05 GMT

This situation stinks - which is the theme I'd go with for the gift. =)

Buy some diapers (they're at various price points and coupons are always available). Put them in a basic brown (ha!) paper bag and close it with a pair of cheap plastic gloves (the break room might have some with the cleaning supplies) and a clothespin (ie just plug your nose and do it). The card can say something like 'sometimes things just stink'. It's easy, practical, useful and funny but only you know the hidden meaning and can laugh about it to yourself.

Re: Baby Shower for Co-Worker

scatcat — Fri, 18 Mar 2022 00:35:39 GMT

@On It wrote:
@Black Cat Back I have no tolerance for people like your co-worker who is being given the shower. You certainly should not risk your health for her shower gift.

I would look at the Walmart or Target website to find a cute light weight blanket or onesie. Select a gift bag and possibly a card. Put everything in your cart and do curbside pickup. Do not feel pressured to go shopping in person.

Having to always take the high road isn't easy.

I agree with @On It

Buy a little something and move on

Re: Baby Shower for Co-Worker

Meowingkitty — Fri, 18 Mar 2022 00:48:59 GMT

I would go to Target or Walmart and buy something. The kid won't be using it for long or it will be pooped in or spit up on so don't spend more than you're comfortable with. We had one coworker who had a baby in April so there was that shower, then by November she was pregnant again and of course they gave her another shower. Then she waited until the day she was to come back before telling HR that she wouldn't be returning and we were stuck picking up her workload. Plus all the days off, leaving early days all the times she pumped for what seems like hours away from her desk. Yea, not a fan of workplace baby showers.

Re: Baby Shower for Co-Worker

Black Cat Back — Fri, 18 Mar 2022 01:00:52 GMT

Appreciate all the great suggestions.

I agree about one nice gift... everyone puts in what they can. If you choose not to, your name is not on the card.

But they are going to open the gifts at the shower in front of everyone.

I'm not in charge of it, but I'm always doing her work when she's out at doctors. I understand, truly I do. But, she can leave the office and everyone is so understanding because she's pregnant. Yet, my boss doesn't think my Sjorgren's health issues are really that bad. I could call in and say I'm fatigued and use medical time, but I don't take advantage unless I really need the day off.

I used to bring in bagels or bake something, I never do that anymore. They don't appreciate it and no one ever does it too.

If you're retired, you are so lucky. I have at least 10 more years to go. I'm 60 and need to work. But, I've no tolerance anymore for these people who just take advantage of people.