topic Re: Confused........ in Among Friends

Confused........

Thrive — Tue, 05 Jan 2016 02:23:55 GMT

I recently loss my dad. He had a will drawn up with myself and my sister as equal beneficiaries. My sister was appointed as the one to handle all of the final affairs. She recently stated that when we go to the financial adviser, she does not want to withdraw all of the funds. I told her today that I received beneficiary information in the mail from dad's employer. She said that she was surprised that we both got the information. She said that she thought she would get it in the mail and would have make a copy for me. My point is that I don't understand why she feels that she has total control. I have tried to offer assistance with ideas on how to handle dad's affairs and she says she has her own check list. She acts as though I have no say. Does anyone know if the will has to be followed exactly as stated and does it go through probate prior to collecting funds from a financial adviser? If it has to go through probate, it will save me from having to approach her about this. My father made sure that everything was in writing and that there was clarity. My sister has always been controlling. I don't know how to approach her about this. I don't want to appear that I am only interested in the inheritance. However, I feel that I am just as significant as her and I know that my dad thought so too. What should I do?

Re: Confused........

Desertdi — Tue, 05 Jan 2016 02:35:17 GMT

As "executor", you sister has to distribute the estate EXACTLY as the will is written. She may receive an extra "fee" for her services, though. Best to contact your own lawyer if you have any doubts.

Re: Confused........

Kachina624 — Tue, 05 Jan 2016 02:36:43 GMT

When my parents died, my sister and I were equal beneficiaries also. I was the executor or the estate since I had the time (retired) and live in the area where they lived. They had a trust so there was no will that had to be probated. We liquidated all the assets and divided them equally with the help of a financial advisor. There were no debts to be paid. They had everything in perfect order so it was easy as pie. Never needed the help of an attorney. House had already been sold. I kept her advised every time I found a bit of money somewhere and sent her half.

Yes, I could have cheated but we're not that kind of people. She's my best friend.

Re: Confused........

Thrive — Tue, 05 Jan 2016 02:37:42 GMT

Thank you !

Re: Confused........

Goldengate8361 — Tue, 05 Jan 2016 02:38:13 GMT

Furry - I really don't know how to advise you, but I wanted to tell you how sorry I am about the loss of your Dad. I know I'll be in the situation you're in before too long as my father is very old. My heart goes out to you. Good luck.

Re: Confused........

homedecor1 — Tue, 05 Jan 2016 02:40:25 GMT

When my father died my sister and I were equally left in the will. Although his investment portfolio was stated as beneficiaries - I received my check directly from the investment firm and his life insurance policies. Neither of these items were involved in probate that I recall. We just gave the death certificates and w/in a few weeks received the benefit.

He was self employed therefore no employer related items. Everything else was done by my sister (who by the way) did not take the fee given to her as executrix. My dads was pretty cut and well stated.

So sorry for your loss. These things can definitely cause some stress in families.

Re: Confused........

Thrive — Tue, 05 Jan 2016 02:42:37 GMT

I don't feel that I would be cheated. I feel that I would be controlled. I wish that our situation was as simple as yours. We still have the house and all of the contents to deal with as well as medical bills and general bills to take care of. The entire thing is exhausting just to think about.

Re: Confused........

INDIANA BONES — Tue, 05 Jan 2016 02:49:29 GMT

Furry,

My sympathy for the loss of your father.

The only advice I can give you is to research Executor of Will on line and see what your sister is responsible for in your state.

Personally, I have found that as an executor it is much easier to hire an attorney to do the leg work and run ads in papers (if required in your state) than to do it myself. Since this is in your sister's hands, I can understand why you feel you would like some input but that does not have to be the case unfortunately. BTW, being an executor is not a easy job which in my opinion is why one is allowed payment but normally declines if a family member.

I can't add any advice better than what has been offered to you here already.

Again, I am sorry for the loss of your father, and I hope you do have many happy memories within your heart to keep him with you daily.

Re: Confused........

Kachina624 — Tue, 05 Jan 2016 02:54:36 GMT

It's a lot more expensive to set up a trust than to have a will done but it surely makes it easier on the beneficiaries and I guess there are tax advantages too.

Dad sold the house about 3 years before he died. He and I spent about 2 weeks packing (me) fine hand-painted china, crystal, and other antiques in some heirloom furniture pieces which we shipped to my sister via North American Van Lines. She has two daughters, me no kids, so I wanted them to have access to the family pieces.

Re: Confused........

GCR18 — Tue, 05 Jan 2016 02:55:16 GMT

I was the executor of my father's estate. He had a trust setup though, so it was really easy. I had very little to put through probate.

Since your father assigned your sister, she is in charge. You have no say. Probate should come first before splitting up the estate. That's because you won't know ahead of time how much you may have to pay. Yes, the will should be followed as written.

I'm sure your father had a reason for choosing your sister to handle things. It doesn't mean he thinks less of you. He may have been better off picking a neutral party, but it's too late for that. My father picked me because I was the most level headed. I also happened to be the oldest. Don't let this get in the way of you and your sisters relationship. She's doing what your father asked of her.

Ask your sister to keep you updated as things progress.

Re: Confused........

Thrive — Tue, 05 Jan 2016 03:08:58 GMT

Thank you

Re: Confused........

Kachina624 — Tue, 05 Jan 2016 03:11:17 GMT

A trust doesn't have to be probated, that's the big advantage to having one.

Re: Confused........

GCR18 — Tue, 05 Jan 2016 03:22:50 GMT

@Kachina624 wrote:
A trust doesn't have to be probated, that's the big advantage to having one.

Definitely. My father firmly believed in them. He got sick and passed though before he finished putting everything in the trust's name. So I had to still do probate for a few odds n ends.

Re: Confused........

Drythe — Tue, 05 Jan 2016 06:26:25 GMT

@Furry wrote:
I don't feel that I would be cheated. I feel that I would be controlled. I wish that our situation was as simple as yours. We still have the house and all of the contents to deal with as well as medical bills and general bills to take care of. The entire thing is exhausting just to think about.

@Thrive

I am so sad for your loss. My Dad is thankfully still with me. However, when the day comes I am his executor, and beneficiary. I know I'm going to be acosted by a very greedy and demanding cousin.

As there is real property, (house, contents, etc.) and bills involved I believe everything must go through probate first. However, many such issues regarding wills vary by state.

While your sister no doubt has good intentions, it might be worth your while in terms of peace of mind to pay for an hour of an attorney's time, take the will and get his opinion and advice.

Re: Confused........

151949 — Tue, 05 Jan 2016 04:47:27 GMT

I would speak tpo an attorney - it sounds like she is trying to pull a fast one. Usually people want to just get all the funds properly distributed as quickly as legally possible and get it over with and if that isn't what is going on it sounds fishy.

Re: Confused........

Drythe — Tue, 05 Jan 2016 06:26:41 GMT

@151949 wrote:
I would speak tpo an attorney - it sounds like she is trying to pull a fast one. Usually people want to just get all the funds properly distributed as quickly as legally possible and get it over with and if that isn't what is going on it sounds fishy.

Re: Confused........

gabstoomuch — Tue, 05 Jan 2016 06:49:57 GMT

She is the executor, and unfortunately, that means she calls the shots. If it is a will, she just has to follow it through as written. It IS a lot of work.

A trust is much easier to take care of as nothing has to go through probate. But that does not seem to be the case here. If he added her name to all his accounts and any home he may have had then she just gathers assets, pays final bills, closes out his life and distributes the excess exactly as he wrote it.

Just ask for a copy of the will so you know what is written. If you see something amiss in the way she executes and you are not happy, you can contest the will.

A contested will can cost a lot of money and in the end causes lots of hard feelings (usually).

If she wants to do it herself, let her. Just have a copy of it and make sure she is following your Dad's wishes. You DO have a right to ask any executor any question you want. She has to answer you.

Does she have to be nice about it? No.

Re: Confused........

Sweetbay magnolia — Tue, 05 Jan 2016 10:50:39 GMT

Similar thing happened to me. It was really frustrating when a family member seemed to confuse emotions and their interpretation of family history with their fiduciary responsibility.

I did what I could to stay apprised of the situation; after all, I was entitled to my portion clearly and legally. I had to work a little harder than necessary to get what was mine, I felt, but I looked long and hard and found that, eventually, I would (receive my portion) because there were other forces in play besides the executor's "will". I got to know the legal and financial people who were hired to construct the original trust document, as well as the document itself. I'd brush up on estate law in your location.

Stay on top of the situation. In my case, some of the "control" my relative tried to exert was a result of confusion about the process, and being overwhelmed with their life in general. Couldn't seem to think rationally when the terms were right there in black and white.

Sorry about your loss.

Re: Confused........

Nataliesgramma — Tue, 05 Jan 2016 11:51:27 GMT

Get an attorneyit will be worth it and there won't be any misunderstandings...,,,Money can do funny things to people

Re: Confused........

Thrive — Tue, 05 Jan 2016 13:04:45 GMT

Thank you so much! This was very helpful.