topic Re: How do you tell a 'friend' in Among Friends

How do you tell a 'friend'

mintedrose — Sun, 17 Oct 2021 08:29:18 GMT

that you dont wanna be friends with them anymore?

I have this friend who always wants to do things on her terms. I didnt mind so much before but now its getting old. I drive 45 mintures to see her but she never comes to where I live.

Last time is what really did it. She invited me over to visit. ( I think it was just to show off her new house). I told her I was on my way as I was driving up and she tells me that she totally forgot that she invited me!! She had just texted me two days before. I mean I can understand that some people have so much on their mind but still you dont forget about inviting a friend over. I took a nice florist arranged boquet of flowers with a thoughtful card. The entire time I was there, she didnt even sit down with me to chat. All she did was dump her problems on me. She kept talking about issues with the house for the entire time and never really bothered to ask how I was doing. I just felt really bad. As I was leaving she says she'll arrange something for us again and I never hear from her. After two months she texts me apologizing (excuses) about why she disappeared. My time is valuable too and Im starting to feel used. ;((

Im not sure how to tell her that I no longer want to be her friend because I feel like I get taken advantage of.

Re: How do you tell a 'friend'

candyagain — Sun, 17 Oct 2021 08:02:47 GMT

I don't think you need to tell her anything. Just be busy when she invites you to drive 45 minutes to her home and when she goes on about herself.

It sounds like there's little involvement on your part anyway. Don't need to tell her you're no longer friends - just let it fade away. No hurt feelings or scene.

Re: How do you tell a 'friend'

WomanInTheMoon — Sun, 17 Oct 2021 08:26:30 GMT

@mintedrose I agree with @candyagain , just let things fade away. No reason to hurt anyone's feelings telling them you don't want to be friends.

A true friend would not treat you that way.

Re: How do you tell a 'friend'

phoenixbrd — Sun, 17 Oct 2021 09:07:44 GMT

Agree with the other posters....just choose not to show up or be available. Focus on your life and release certain situations/people with kindness.

Re: How do you tell a 'friend'

Grade1Teach — Sun, 17 Oct 2021 09:26:47 GMT

I agree with the others -- You can just kind of fade away or always be "busy."

However, if in your heart you really do like and care for this person (there must be a reason why you were friends in the first place), maybe you could tell her how you're feeling. If she values your friendship she might take a deeper look at how she has been acting and make an effort to change.

If not, then so long!

Re: How do you tell a 'friend'

Nataliesgramma — Sun, 17 Oct 2021 10:05:20 GMT

I just let one of my friend relationships "fade". She always wanted to get together, but was always late, even though I let her pick the time. After she kept me waiting an hour in a resturaunt because she wanted to pick up yarn on the way, I am busy now when she suggests meeting.

We still talk on the phone to catch up, but no longer meet up for lunch.

Re: How do you tell a 'friend'

panda1234 — Sun, 17 Oct 2021 10:20:22 GMT

@mintedrose This is not a friend, it is a one sided relationship. Trust me I have had a few and they drain you. Get out gracefully by being busy all of the time.

Re: How do you tell a 'friend'

AngelPuppy1 — Sun, 17 Oct 2021 10:32:23 GMT

@mintedrose

If she has always been this way, then it's highly doubtful she will change her behavior at this point. A friend should not make you feel worse by having them in your life -- they should make you feel better. I would not really say to her that - I don't want to be friends with you. I would just not inititiate any plans with her. If she presses the point and should ever say something like --- why don't you want to get together or what is wrong, then I would tactfully try to tell her how you feel. And how she made you feel the last time you made the long trip to visit with her (at her invitation). I have parted ways over the years with a number of "friends" because I just couldn't take the inconsideration of my feelings and total lack of caring for anything that was going on in my life.

Re: How do you tell a 'friend'

ID2 — Sun, 17 Oct 2021 10:44:10 GMT

OP, oh gosh I am so sorry you feel like getting rid of a friend. How sad. I've always cherished my friends. As the saying goes..you can never have too many friends. Perhaps you can sit down and have a talk with yourself. I try to reassess myself often, making myself a better person.

Re: How do you tell a 'friend'

jackthebear — Sun, 17 Oct 2021 10:44:57 GMT

@mintedrose wrote:
that you dont wanna be friends with them anymore?

I have this friend who always wants to do things on her terms. I didnt mind so much before but now its getting old. I drive 45 mintures to see her but she never comes to where I live.

Last time is what really did it. She invited me over to visit. ( I think it was just to show off her new house). I told her I was on my way as I was driving up and she tells me that she totally forgot that she invited me!! She had just texted me two days before. I mean I can understand that some people have so much on their mind but still you dont forget about inviting a friend over. I took a nice florist arranged boquet of flowers with a thoughtful card. The entire time I was there, she didnt even sit down with me to chat. All she did was dump her problems on me. She kept talking about issues with the house for the entire time and never really bothered to ask how I was doing. I just felt really bad. As I was leaving she says she'll arrange something for us again and I never hear from her. After two months she texts me apologizing (excuses) about why she disappeared. My time is valuable too and Im starting to feel used. ;((

Im not sure how to tell her that I no longer want to be her friend because I feel like I get taken advantage of.

you are

just be busy, return a call with a text "hi all well here" or similar,

and distance yourself

she can pay for therapy somewhere else

Re: How do you tell a 'friend'

jackthebear — Sun, 17 Oct 2021 11:13:10 GMT

@ID2 wrote:
OP, oh gosh I am so sorry you feel like getting rid of a friend. How sad. I've always cherished my friends. As the saying goes..you can never have too many friends. Perhaps you can sit down and have a talk with yourself. I try to reassess myself often, making myself a better person.

the OP is the better person, the "friend" is the problem.

I don't think we need to be available all the time to a person who apparently doesn't value us

Re: How do you tell a 'friend'

Roscoe the Rascal — Sun, 17 Oct 2021 11:56:37 GMT

I have different friends for different things. Some are better to shop with and some are better to luncheon with and some are better to cry with.

There are 6 of us who get together but some I get together alone without the others and others I don't see me hanging alone with them. One in particular is a friend but not a close friend. She has changed and sort of just kind of fading her away. We do not connect outside of all of us having a get together. Use to be once a month the 6 of us would do dinner but not as often any more and started with the pandemic, but in away was a good thing too. Some of us are married with kids and grandkids and some are not.

I guess it depends how much of a friend you consider her to be. You don't have to drive 45 minutes to her place always. I guess I would just sort of fade away. Only you know for sure how you really feel.

Re: How do you tell a 'friend'

Susan629 — Sun, 17 Oct 2021 11:59:44 GMT

I agree with the other comments but always remember the old saying..........

."The only people you need in your life are the ones that show you that they need you in theirs"

Re: How do you tell a 'friend'

Karie2022 — Sun, 17 Oct 2021 12:09:01 GMT

I agree, just let it fade...not all friendships are made to last...many have an expiration date; sometimes it's nothing she said or they said, it's just the way it is....this has happened to me a few times and at first it's hurtful, but then you realize the relationship just ran it's course, no ones fault.

Re: How do you tell a 'friend'

Group 5 minus 1 — Sun, 17 Oct 2021 12:08:05 GMT

I had a dear relative who when confronted w/a situation she didn't want to do would tell the person she would be out of town. I think you just have to slowly let this thing go. Just be out of town. Breaking off friendships is never easy and will take some time,but try it.

Re: How do you tell a 'friend'

PinkyPetunia — Sun, 17 Oct 2021 12:27:29 GMT

I would put a stop to driving 45 minutes to her. Suggest she come to you in the future if she wants to visit. I bet she will never come.

Keep saying you can't do that long drive to her anymore and are so busy if she asks you to come to her.

Re: How do you tell a 'friend'

Gorgf — Sun, 17 Oct 2021 12:47:36 GMT

I have a friend and every time invited her her to do something she said she would think about it and then decline. It happened three times. The last time she called at 6 a.m. to tell me she and her husband had to drive 3 hrs. to her DS and DIL to deliver an anniversary card she forgot to mail?

I am still friends as she has been kind to me and invites me out, but I decide if I feel like going and many times I do things alone rather than ever ever ask her to go along. One has to set boundaries and decide if the friendship is worth it. I refuse to be used either as had a woman former co worker use me for rides. She called me and left a message to call her or she wasn't going to bother. She got demanding, done.

Re: How do you tell a 'friend'

kaydee50 — Sun, 17 Oct 2021 13:07:05 GMT

Ignore her. Don't answer her invitations, email, phone calls. Eventually, she'll get the messge.

Re: How do you tell a 'friend'

kaydee50 — Sun, 17 Oct 2021 13:10:38 GMT

@ID2 wrote:
OP, oh gosh I am so sorry you feel like getting rid of a friend. How sad. I've always cherished my friends. As the saying goes..you can never have too many friends. Perhaps you can sit down and have a talk with yourself. I try to reassess myself often, making myself a better person.

Really?? I wouldn't consider someone who takes advantage of me a "friend."

Re: How do you tell a 'friend'

QVCkitty1 — Sun, 17 Oct 2021 13:14:45 GMT

Friendship is a two way street and it sounds like she isn't really your friend. I agree with the other posters, just don't be available if she tries to make plans.