topic Re: I wonder why in Among Friends

I wonder why

mintedrose — Mon, 13 Sep 2021 20:22:46 GMT

Ive noticed this a lot. With my family and friends more so and even new people that I meet sometimes. People just wanna talk about their issues with me. Im not sure why. I know with fam and friends its usual and just got used to it. But sometimes even when meeting new people, most of the time women, they usually just wanna talk about stuff that they're dealing with. Why is that?

Re: I wonder why

ECBG — Mon, 13 Sep 2021 20:29:17 GMT

I'm guessing you must have a kind demeanor. Some people are just easier to relate to. Others pick up on a welcoming personality.

Also, many people have had quite a bit of stress with all of the virus awareness, their ageing parents, their own ageing issues which are constantly bearing on their minds.

Re: I wonder why

gizmogal — Mon, 13 Sep 2021 20:33:50 GMT

Murmur something banal or some platitude. Then change the subject and they'll talk about something else. If you don't want to hear about things concerning others, there are loads of general topics to deflect the conversation. Try weather, local sports teams, books and movies, your pets or kids latest antics, the height of hemlines these days!

As to why, perhaps you're a good listener, keep their privacy and sound supportive so people feel safe telling you their concerns. That's good for them and a nice trait of yours, but it doesn't mean you have to welcome it from everyone.

Re: I wonder why

skatting44 — Mon, 13 Sep 2021 20:42:18 GMT

Maybe your opinion offered to others has been helpful and respected . So maybe the word went out to talk with you abt their issues. Maybe these women that you meet are in situations where they do not have any support system to discuss issues.

Good for you in being a good listener .

Re: I wonder why

HonestLife — Mon, 13 Sep 2021 22:06:13 GMT

@mintedrose This has been a part of my life since I can remember. Other women are drawn to me as a sounding board, easy to talk to and trustworthy. So much so, I found myself wandering into Family Law, Advocating for women of abuse and other sectors helping females. You clearly have something about you that women find approachable. You've been given quite a gift, dear! Be well and enjoy the wonderful aura surrounding you!

Re: I wonder why

Sage04 — Mon, 13 Sep 2021 20:58:35 GMT

Growing up, people always did this to my Mom and now it's been done to me. I don't mind. I listen. This is both men and women. Some one said I have a very kind face lol.

Re: I wonder why

chrystaltree — Mon, 13 Sep 2021 21:26:04 GMT

Maybe you are a good listener or maybe you don't participate in the conversation

You let the other person go on and on. If you don't say anything, they end up talking about themselves.

Re: I wonder why

Kachina624 — Mon, 13 Sep 2021 21:54:42 GMT

@mintedrose You're obviously a good listener.

Re: I wonder why

hckynut — Mon, 13 Sep 2021 23:21:29 GMT

@mintedrose

Close to the opposite for me. I meet many new people ice skating on Sundays(Family Day). Both genders and all ages from 8 years old on up. I really do not go many places, other than the hospital or doctors appointments, where I meet new people.

We have to be around new people for a long enough time to actually carry on a conversation, and other places I go? They are usually the In and Out thing.

It is usually me that starts with a "hello", and depending on the situation, I start a conversation. This is only when it is at a place other than an In and Out, thus most times, long enough to converse for a few minutes or longer.

Yesterday skating I met a younger skater, found out he is 52. I said hello to him and commented on his hockey Jersey which was the Boston Bruins. The first thing he said was, "are you John"? I said yes.

From there I found out some of the hockey players I know, told him to look me up at the rink. They had told him to have me look at his skating style and see what he was doing wrong, as a hockey player skates. He is still playing hockey.

That quickly went to him wanting to know about me and my hockey, and also what I have done to be able to skate to my ripe old age. Pretty quickly went to overall fitness and my history there.

Countless stories I could tell from my return to skating after my 14 year absence, starting it when I was 78 years old. I try to most of my conversing before or after the skating session is over. Otherwise I do not get my level or physical workout as intended.

That is pretty much my life in connection to in person conversations, with strangers, and even the skating friends I see there on my Wednesday skating sessions.

My direct family consists of my 1 remaining older sister. I talk with her regularly and some of it is about health issues(she and BIL are 88), but most is about life and our world in general.

hckynut

Re: I wonder why

RedTop — Tue, 14 Sep 2021 01:16:35 GMT

I think it's for the exact same reason issues are brought to this forum. Sometimes it's just easier to let go of what's bothering you with a group of anonymous people than someone closer to you.

Thru this pandemic, I have tried to stay connected to family and friends, to keep spirits up; theirs, and mine. My peeps are struggling; work friends are pounding in their 40 hour weeks, then going home to hide away until time to go back to work. One friend is exhibiting clear signs of mental decline. I'm seeing and hearing the same changes in older family members that concern me.

Now more than ever, I smile, listen, and encourage, because so many people around us just need to make a connection with another person.

Re: I wonder why

PamfromCT — Tue, 14 Sep 2021 10:04:08 GMT

@Sage04 wrote:
Growing up, people always did this to my Mom and now it's been done to me. I don't mind. I listen. This is both men and women. Some one said I have a very kind face lol.

@Sage04, What a wonderful thing to have someone tell you that you have a kind face.

I remember an older man coming up to me at a large event. He introduced himself and said he had to tell me that I had a kind face. This has never left me, as kindness is so important to me. I do stand up for myself and can express strong opinions, but I never want to attack a person’s core unless it is an extreme situation. Personally, I think unkind people are very desperately unhappy and find contentment in striking out at others.

Re: I wonder why

SoCal Bred — Tue, 14 Sep 2021 12:09:27 GMT

@PamfromCT .....Wrote: kindness is so important to me. I do stand up for myself and can express strong opinions, but I never want to attack a person’s core unless it is an extreme situation. Personally, I think unkind people are very desperately unhappy and find contentment in striking out at others.

Well said, I couldn't agree with you more!

Re: I wonder why

Shanus — Tue, 14 Sep 2021 14:04:53 GMT

@ECBG wrote:
I'm guessing you must have a kind demeanor. Some people are just easier to relate to. Others pick up on a welcoming personality.

Also, many people have had quite a bit of stress with all of the virus awareness, their ageing parents, their own ageing issues which are constantly bearing on their minds.

I agree @ECBG. My friend fell last week and broke her knee cap...OUCH! She's now stuck home with a brace and crutches. She wants to talk about it and how bored she is, etc. A good friend listens and commiserates....and visits bringing in groceries and casseroles for dinner,.

Re: I wonder why

qualitygal — Tue, 14 Sep 2021 14:49:49 GMT

When you meet them, do you say, "Hello, how are you?"

For some that would open aniy conversation...............

Re: I wonder why

qualitygal — Tue, 14 Sep 2021 14:52:56 GMT

Oh John, that's so cool that others tell new people to look for John. How nice!! @hckynut

Re: I wonder why

SurferWife — Wed, 15 Sep 2021 03:26:09 GMT

@mintedrose

"It's all about me" is the general attitude today. With family, you need to patiently endure. With others, though, you just need to kindly listen, then graciously back out of the conversation.

I have a co-worker who likes to divulge every ****** detail of every ****** thing she goes through. As an example, she can't just say "I'll be out this afternoon for a dental appointment." She has to say, I have a dental appt. today to get a root canal, then start the procedure for implants. In two weeks I have to go back to get my crown seated on tooth #14, then they are going to prep tooth #30. Once those are done, I get to start my work for my Invisalign...YAY!"

EDITED TO ADD: she then sends me & our boss pictures of her x-rays.

And it's abou then that I give the finger down the throat puke action.

Re: I wonder why

mintedrose — Wed, 15 Sep 2021 08:21:51 GMT

@SurferWife

Thats definitely TMI. I dont like to every little detail with people even if Ive know them for a while. I talk about general stuff and thats it.

Another thing, this is for new people. Some wanna ask very personal questions right away. I met a lady last weekend who was quite chatty and asked me my age, marital status, my religion, nationality, if im a parent, where i live on and on. Isnt asking someone's age kinda rude. I answered her then of course but later thought about it and felt violated. She invaded my space.

I've noticed that some people are just very rough around the edges when it comes to socializing. I couldnt say anything then because she put me on the spot but I really wanna be able to just say NO to people like that.

Re: I wonder why

77yangya — Wed, 15 Sep 2021 09:38:56 GMT

@mintedrose wrote:
Ive noticed this a lot. With my family and friends more so and even new people that I meet sometimes. People just wanna talk about their issues with me. Im not sure why. I know with fam and friends its usual and just got used to it. But sometimes even when meeting new people, most of the time women, they usually just wanna talk about stuff that they're dealing with. Why is that?

They're probably in some kind of trouble. How bad? They probably don't know that either and therein lies the issue.

Re: I wonder why

77yangya — Wed, 15 Sep 2021 09:44:55 GMT

Sorry to post twice but....by the way....being that I lost my last friend, and we were close, I'd be thrilled to pieces if someone sat in my kitchen with me and told me they could not stand me.

I'd even welcome that..........so anyone talking about their issues would be fine with me.

Funny how we take things for granted.................

Re: I wonder why

AngelPuppy1 — Wed, 15 Sep 2021 11:20:31 GMT

@mintedrose

People pick up that you are open and a good listener. I think so many people these days have been cloistered at home, not getting out much, and many don't have anyone much to talk to or who will take the time to listen to them. Many are lonely and want a few minutes for someone just to see them and hear them. You appear to have a warm and kind demeanor and this makes it easy for them to open up to you.