topic Re: Advice RE a Funeral (Urgent) in Among Friends

Advice RE a Funeral (Urgent)

lolakimono — Mon, 12 Jul 2021 11:27:31 GMT

Without going into too many details, I lost a student in a tragedy.

My principal emailed last night that there is a service today (calling hours). In the email it mentions "friends and family" may call.

With everything going on and Covid, I don't know if I am reading too much into this "friends and family."

As a teacher, should I go since I am neither a friend or family member? Or do you think they are trying to discourage the "lookie-loos" and other random people because they need to keep the numbers down to just people who are familiar?

Thank you for weighing in.

It is this morning.

Re: Advice RE a Funeral (Urgent)

sandy53 — Mon, 12 Jul 2021 11:30:36 GMT

I think you should go. You are a caring teacher and the family will appreciate your concern. There also may be other students there who you can comfort.

Re: Advice RE a Funeral (Urgent)

Imaoldhippie — Mon, 12 Jul 2021 11:31:07 GMT

So very sorry to hear a a young person losing their life.

Nothing like hearing about it in the last minute. If it were me, unless I had a close friendship with the student and/or parents I would not attend.

I dont believe its a Covid thing, I think the parents dont or cant at this time deal with a huge crowd.

Re: Advice RE a Funeral (Urgent)

Shanus — Mon, 12 Jul 2021 11:31:40 GMT

@lolakimono I think given the cirumstances, I nice and personal note to the family would be greatly appreciated. I think the "friends and family" is to keep the number of people attending to a minimum.

Re: Advice RE a Funeral (Urgent)

CalminHeart — Mon, 12 Jul 2021 11:34:18 GMT

I think you should go. It would be good for the family to know his teacher cared so much.

Re: Advice RE a Funeral (Urgent)

4kitties — Mon, 12 Jul 2021 11:36:15 GMT

I think it is fine for you to attend. Where I live, the friends and family may call is the wording used and not at all meant to deter anyone from attending.

But it may depend on any rules, regulations or restrictions that may be in place in your area due to the virus.

Re: Advice RE a Funeral (Urgent)

Flatbush — Mon, 12 Jul 2021 11:36:45 GMT

Yes, go. i think the family would be glad to see the child's teacher show up and that she cared so much.

Re: Advice RE a Funeral (Urgent)

KingstonsMom — Mon, 12 Jul 2021 11:37:37 GMT

I'm like you, I have to wonder if that descriptor is being used for the exact reason that you suspect.

There are many people who read about a tragedy and even though they didn't know the person involved, feel compelled to attend and this may be what the family is trying to avoid.

If it were me, I would send a condolence card to the family, maybe including a few words about your student that the family would love to hear.

I'm so sorry for the loss of your student, teachers spend so much time and care mentoring their students, that it must feel like losing a foster child.

Re: Advice RE a Funeral (Urgent)

lulu1 — Mon, 12 Jul 2021 11:37:46 GMT

If the student were one I'd taught, I'd go. If not, I'd send a card/note to the family.

Re: Advice RE a Funeral (Urgent)

SXMGirl — Mon, 12 Jul 2021 11:40:09 GMT

@lolakimono As a retired educator, my first inclination would be to attend the funeral. It is unfortunate that the principal did not ask the family for clarification about faculty and staff attendance, especially since most families would appreciate those from school attending the funeral. Friends and family can mean many things. In the past when I have had a student pass away, I have attended the funeral. However, I use the rule of when in doubt, don't.

Re: Advice RE a Funeral (Urgent)

lolakimono — Mon, 12 Jul 2021 11:43:44 GMT

@lulu1 wrote:
If the student were one I'd taught, I'd go. If not, I'd send a card/note to the family.

@lulu1

Yes, this is a student that was in my class this year. However, because I had a first year teacher whom I was assigned to mentor (who was the teacher of record), my name does not appear on his schedule so the family may not "know" me.

The co-teacher is teaching summer school, so he cannot attend today.I'm not sure how many teachers will be able to attend as many are on vacation and it's short notice.

Re: Advice RE a Funeral (Urgent)

SXMGirl — Mon, 12 Jul 2021 11:48:01 GMT

@lolakimono Depending on the cause of death, the family may not be prepared to have anyone other than immediate family and friends. In that case, a written note of condolence to them might be more appropriate.

Re: Advice RE a Funeral (Urgent)

San Antonio Gal — Mon, 12 Jul 2021 11:49:12 GMT

I believe the family would appreciate having his teacher attend. I suggest going.

Re: Advice RE a Funeral (Urgent)

Zhills — Mon, 12 Jul 2021 11:49:52 GMT

Yes, you should go. I believe the "friends and family" is to keep it personal.

There are people that go to 'tragedy' events like it's a a circus. They would not be welcomed. MHO

Re: Advice RE a Funeral (Urgent)

drizzellla — Mon, 12 Jul 2021 11:52:39 GMT

I think the term "friends and family" is a generic term. They are using it so they don't have to use gender specific terms.

Please go if you are so inclined, especially if the student was in your class this year.

Re: Advice RE a Funeral (Urgent)

lolakimono — Mon, 12 Jul 2021 11:54:53 GMT

So it seems that we're split on the opinions, but I'm seeing more who think that I should go.

Re: Advice RE a Funeral (Urgent)

mimomof4 — Mon, 12 Jul 2021 11:54:56 GMT

I would think that if the family didn't want anyone from the school to attend then the email would have gone out saying it was Private.

As a teacher I would consider you in the friends area.

Re: Advice RE a Funeral (Urgent)

lolakimono — Mon, 12 Jul 2021 11:57:24 GMT

I just re-read the wording because I have not been to this funeral home before and wanted to check how long it would take me to get there.

It says "relatives and friends."

Re: Advice RE a Funeral (Urgent)

nyc1 — Mon, 12 Jul 2021 11:57:29 GMT

@lolakimono I don't think there is a right or wrong answer here. It is what YOU are comfortable doing and your heart tells you is the right decision.

If you choose not to go, a kind caring card to the family would be appropriate. If you do go, I'm sure they would appreciate your presence and you kind words in person. Either way, they are both appropriate.

Re: Advice RE a Funeral (Urgent)

jackthebear — Mon, 12 Jul 2021 11:59:00 GMT

I think you should use the "will I regret not going"

and or send a card